Chapter 40: Hajime’s First Step

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Translator: Soafp

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[Miyabi Pov]

In the morning of early February, the sky was a clear, bright blue, with not a cloud in sight, and the weather was perfect.

The cold winter air brushed against my cheeks, but even that felt pleasant.

I stopped and looked up at the sky. “Nice weather…” My breath dissolved into the air, turning white.

Yesterday, I had contacted Hajime, but there was no reply.

Just to be sure, I sent a message on social media as well. It was marked as “read,” but there was still no response.

Considering my behavior up until now, it’s not surprising that Hajime is avoiding me.

I had hurt him so much, so it's understandable if he doesn't want to face me.

But if it were before, I might have given up right here. But now, it’s different.

I've decided not to run away anymore.

I want to have the strength to accept everything, not just choose what I want to see, and face the truth.

I can't afford to stop here.

With that thought, I decided that I wouldn't just wait, but would take a step forward myself.

Suddenly, I noticed a fragrant osmanthus tree. The small flowers were starting to bloom, and a sweet scent wafted through the air.

A feeling of nostalgia spread in my chest, and memories of elementary school resurfaced.

Every morning, I used to walk this path to Hajime's house and go to school together.

We would meet Aoi and the others along the way, laughing as we walked to school.

On the way home, Hajime would walk me to my house, and before parting, he would smile gently and wave, saying “See you tomorrow.”

I thought those days would go on forever.

But when we entered middle school, Hajime changed.

He started pushing everyone away, choosing to be alone, and I felt a loneliness in my heart.

Even so, I chose the same high school as him, wanting to be with him. But the situation didn't change.

In fact, he seemed to be closing himself off more and more.

Ah… Hajime has already forgotten the promise we made back then…

Admitting that was scary.

Because if I admitted it, I wouldn't be able to be with Hajime anymore.

So, I decided to endure.

But now, I couldn't take it anymore.

It was at that time that Godai-senpai confessed to me.

He was the complete opposite of Hajime, and I didn't have any special interest in him.

Even after I turned him down, he kept confessing to me without giving up.

One day, he said:

“I want to make you the heroine of a story.”

Those were exactly the words Hajime had promised me.

Even if it was by coincidence, it made me happy.

I couldn't help but compare Godai-senpai with Hajime, and my feelings wavered greatly.

After waiting for years, the distance between Hajime and me only grew wider.

I didn't think there was a future if I kept waiting.

So, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to sever my feelings for Hajime.

Even though I didn't like Godai-senpai, I thought that if I was with him, I could forcibly close the chapter on my feelings.

But in the end, I deeply hurt Hajime.

That day, when Hajime tried to confess to me and I turned him down, I heard his hoarse, tearful voice as I left the classroom.

Even now, that voice hasn't left my mind.

Every time I regret it, I would shut my heart off and pretend I didn't see anything.

I tried desperately to convince myself that I liked Wudai-senpai.

That he was someone better than Hajime, someone I could love.

But it didn't work.

When Godai-senpai tried to kiss me in the park, I desperately thought.

If I kissed him now, I could prove that this choice was right.

But my body wouldn't move.

Even though Godai-senpai was right in front of me, all I could think of was Hajime's smile.

My heart hadn't changed at all. Even though I thought I had cut off my feelings, I still loved Hajime, just as I did when we were children.

The feelings I had tried to sever tightened around my heart.

I couldn't do anything about that pain, and the only way I could numb it was by hurting Hajime.

I wanted him to know my suffering.

No, I convinced myself that he should know.

But that didn't change anything.

At that time, those two appeared before Hajime.

Marin Kousaka and Kagura Shinomiya .

They were the ones who were closest to Hajime and saw his smile that I had longed for all these years. I envied them, and in a way, I hated them.

In front of them, Hajime would smile so naturally, just like he did when we were children. I couldn't accept that.

They had what I had always wanted so easily.

But that day, when I watched the press conference on TV, I realized something.

—That Hajime was Hajime Rangaku.

At first, I couldn't believe it. But Marin and Kagura's presence confirmed that truth.

“So… you remembered, huh…! I've been trying to keep that promise!”

The words he said during the confession weren't lies.

Hajime had been trying all along to keep our promise.

But I didn't have the courage to believe it.

It was me who hurt Hajime, and I was scared to face that fact.

But I won't run anymore.

I will accept everything.

And I want to apologize as many times as it takes.

Of course, I don't expect to be forgiven. No, I don't want to apologize to be forgiven.

I don't want to hurt the person I love anymore… So I want to apologize with all my heart.

I want to do everything I can for him, everything I can do with the person I am now.

“Miyabi?”

I heard a voice and looked up to see Aoi standing there. Her eyes were slightly red and swollen.

“Aoi… good morning.”

“Yeah, good morning, Miyabi… It looks like we were thinking about the same thing.”

She said that and gave a small laugh.

“…It seems so.”

I smiled back, as if drawn in.

Yes, this is where it starts.

I'll part ways with my cowardly self and become strong enough to accept any reality.

In front of me was Hajime's house. I gently placed my finger on the doorbell.