Chapter 103: Cloudy Glass Balance

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Translator: Soafp

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[Mizaki PoV]

A few seconds before the alarm went off, I quietly opened my eyes. The soft morning light, filtering through the gap in the blackout curtains, slowly illuminated the ceiling. The usual time. The usual morning. I sat up from the bed, put on my slippers by the bedside, and headed for the bathroom.

I washed my face in front of the mirror and, while drying my face with a towel, checked my expression. I raised the corners of my mouth slightly and adjusted the angle of my eyebrows. To look kind. Like a gentle doctor.

While carefully shaving with an electric razor, I replayed the rounds schedule for the day in my mind. I recalled the faces and symptoms of the patients and simulated how to interact with each of them. The morning routine was a ritual for me to put on my mask.

I ironed my shirt, tied my tie, and put on my jacket. On the dining table, there was a plate I had prepared the night before. Toast, a fried egg, yogurt, and a medical journal spread out on the table. As I read through the latest special feature on pediatrics, I quietly ate my breakfast.

A perfect morning. A perfect me. But the truth inside me must never be known.

After finishing my preparations for work, I quietly left my house and breathed in the morning air. On the subway, everyone silently lowered their eyes to their smartphones. While watching the scenery pass by outside the window, I recalled the faces of today’s patients, one by one.

Upon arriving at the hospital, I changed into my white coat in the locker room and, holding the medical chart, made my way to the ward. My footsteps were unconsciously quiet. My tone of voice, my movements, everything was calculated.

“Good morning, how are you feeling?”

A young female patient looked up, surprised, and nodded slightly. As I read her reaction, I smiled.

“The medication from yesterday might have been a bit too strong. If you’re experiencing side effects, we can adjust the dosage. Don't push yourself.”

Seeing her nod in relief, I ran my pen across the medical chart. I felt the nurses’ attention on my words as I continued with the exemplary explanation. As a doctor, or rather, as “Dr. Mizuki,” I faithfully performed the ideal image that was expected of me.

But deep in her eyes, when I saw those trusting eyes looking at me so defenselessly, another impulse briefly surged within me.

The weak are vulnerable to kindness. That's why I'm giving them kindness like this.

After finishing my morning rounds, I took a break and returned to the nurse station to write the handover notes while organizing the progress for the day. Just as I placed my pen down, the internal line rang. I stretched my shoulders lightly, tidied up the notes, and headed to the designated floor. On the way there, as I passed by the elevator hall, my smartphone vibrated. The moment I saw the name of the caller on the screen, my fingertips felt a slight chill.

It was my father.

When I pressed the call button, his heavy voice echoed through the receiver.

“…Mizuki, you've done it now. About the hospital, we've decided to put the inheritance on hold for now.”

The words, spoken after a brief pause, sank heavily in my chest.

“I talked with Hajime… Apparently, what you did in the past is causing problems again.”

A brief silence. My father's voice had no emotion. It was just a dry string of facts being thrown at me.

“At this rate, we'll have to cancel the hospital inheritance… It's not confirmed yet, but if it comes to that… be prepared.”

His words sounded cold, as if they were someone else's business.

I couldn't say anything. I just quietly closed my mouth, listening to my father's voice through the phone. His tone had never changed since I was young, always delivering decisions without mixing in any emotions. It was as if my existence was just a line in a report.

“…I understand, Father.”

I replied with an unexpected calmness and ended the call. But at that moment, something inside me seemed to collapse.

It was my father who had said he would pass the hospital to me. The role that I was supposed to fulfill was surely there. And yet, my past once again pulled me back. An unforgivable past. A past that couldn't be erased.

As the screen darkened, my vision also grew dull and clouded. What expanded inside me was not frustration or anger. Rather, it was emptiness.

I leaned against the wall and slowly clenched my fist. The feeling of my nails digging into my skin was the only thing reminding me that I was still in this reality.

I finally moved my feet and returned to the nurse station. I took a deep breath, one, two.

“Dr. Mizuki… You look pale. Are you okay?”

A young nurse spoke with concern. Instantly, I put on a smile and shook my head.

“I'm just a little sleep-deprived. Don't worry about it.”

She nodded with a relieved expression and left. As I watched her back, I quietly checked my expression again. The mask had slightly wavered. Just that alone, and cold sweat began to trickle down my back.

Don't let your guard down. I must remain “Dr. Mizuki.”

Even the slightest disturbance in my heart will immediately show in my expression or voice. Someone will notice right away. So, I consciously adjust my facial muscles. Straighten my posture. Keep my voice tone steady.

By the time I finished my morning rounds, the lingering feeling of that phone call still remained in my fingertips. Holding onto the lingering anger and emptiness, I left the nurse station. I smiled modestly and exchanged formal greetings, quietly slipping away. The tools I had used for the day's tasks still weighed in the pockets of my white coat.

I headed to the break room near the rooftop under the guise of lunch break. For a few minutes after leaving the nurse station, without making eye contact with anyone, I just walked toward the corner with the vending machines, yet the tension embedded deep inside my body had not dissipated.

I sat on the sofa, holding a cup of coffee. The pen and notepad left in the pocket of my white coat silently asserted today's reality. The familiar space, the familiar sound of the air conditioning. Everything felt distant.

And yet, my father's voice echoed persistently in my mind.

Why was I the only one who had to bear this? Even if there had been no “that” incident in the past, my father would never have fully trusted me. When I thought about it, the emptiness surpassed the frustration.

Laughter echoed from the hallway. The young doctors chatting happily. Everyone wore their white coats with faces unclouded by anything, heading toward their futures. I was one of them. At least, that's how it appeared from the outside.

The coffee in front of me had already gone cold.

My thoughts had, without realizing it, sunk deeper into even older memories. That was when it all began.

When I was in elementary school, one day, overwhelmed by an uncontainable frustration, I found a little girl playing alone. She was much younger than me, defenseless, and simply looked at me with fearful eyes.

The moment I spoke to her, she flinched but didn't run away. In that instant, an indescribable feeling rose in my chest. I didn't feel looked down upon despite her being scared. Rather, it was a feeling close to relief that I had her completely in the palm of my hand.

The act of dominating. Making someone obey without having to give orders. That day, I learned that pleasure for the first time.

For a while, I locked that feeling deep in my chest.

That feeling had stayed with me for a long time, but it was certainly still there within me. And when it resurfaced was the day I reunited with Suz after several years.

It was by chance. At first, I didn't notice her. But the way her eyes trembled was familiar. She was scared. And that was good. I realized it right away.

She had grown a bit taller since middle school, but her core weakness hadn't changed. That was convenient for me.

“What would Hajime's face look like if I told him about ‘that time' along with the photos?”

With just that one sentence, her expression froze. I hadn't done anything. I hadn't threatened her. I simply laid out the truth.

After that, she began listening to me more closely.

The feeling of having her in the palm of my hand. The comfort of knowing she could never escape. Yes. That day, I took Suz—Suz who had been in Hajime's world—away.

The fact that I had dominated her was my satisfaction. I hadn't loved her. It was simply the fact that someone was bound by my existence, and that fact was incredibly pleasurable.

My phone's vibration snapped me back to reality. A new notification. A routine message from the medical office. Seeing that, I stood up.

As I walked down the hallway, I absentmindedly looked out the window. The winter sky was lightly cloudy, and cold light was streaming in. In that moment, I simply walked forward in silence.

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In the evening, after finishing the training, I headed to the rooftop. Beyond the emergency exit on the top floor of the hospital was the usual empty space.

Standing in front of the railing, I gazed at the setting sun sinking between the buildings. The fiery colors. Yet inside me, nothing was ignited.

Hajime, Miyabi, Aoi—they were happy. People who can live without knowing are happy.

I had always been alone. In the cage called expectation, never relying on anyone, never venting my emotions, simply striving to be correct. But the three of them were different. From childhood, they had naturally supported each other and laughed together.

Suz too had been next to Hajime. In his world, there had always been someone there. Warm voices and hands surrounded him.

I was never a part of that circle. I just watched from the outside. Envious, frustrated, and before I knew it, I even wanted to break that circle.

That's why I took Suz away. I trapped her in my hand, pulling her away from Hajime's world.

I didn't want to destroy the warm relationship they had built. I just wanted to see it collapse, as if my presence alone could make it fall apart. The important thing that had been in someone's life, now controlled by my will—that was an irresistible pleasure.

My father's expectations, the weight of the family, the impulse within me. All of it had been suppressed, and in the end, the only desire that remained was to dominate the weak.

And so, I took Suz from Hajime. And now, it was Miyabi's turn. She, along with this hospital, needed to be returned to their “proper place” in my life.

Miyabi should be beside me, and the hospital should be in my hands. That was not my father's wish, but the fate I chose for myself.

I had worked harder than anyone. I had behaved as a proper doctor, meeting every expectation. If that reward was taken away from me, it would be the same as denying my entire life.

As long as Miyabi stayed by Hajime's side, it would mean everything would be taken from me. Therefore, I had no choice but to pull her down.

I closed my eyes quietly. The wind blew through. The hem of my white coat fluttered.

No one would get in my way. I live—

To dominate everything.