Chapter 19

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

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The next morning. After a long internal struggle, I managed to beat my sleepiness again.

But for some reason, I didn't feel great.

I didn't know why, but a sigh escaped me without thinking.

It's only the second day since I decided to change—am I really going to be okay at this rate…?

Carrying that unease, I left the house early again, just like yesterday.

As I walked alone along my usual route to school—

“Ah, Reita-kun!”

…Lucky or unlucky.

I ran into Maaya and the others on their way to school again.

“Hey, today too, let's walk togeth—”

“Sorry, but I'm going alone today.”

Without even turning around, I cut off Maaya as she ran up to me.

“I-I see… sorry…”

I heard her voice behind me, on the verge of tears.

It hurt.

I didn't want to hear that kind of voice, but the words of Ueno and Yokomizo from yesterday flashed through my mind.

My position is more fragile than I thought.

Just being seen with me carries the risk of bad rumors spreading.

Especially Maaya—she's someone who stands out in class.

She's well-liked, but there are always people who resent those who are popular.

Getting close to me would just give them the perfect excuse to talk.

Right now, I'm the only one being treated as the bad guy.

But eventually, it could spread to Maaya too.

If that happens, it'll just be a repeat of before.

It hurts, but now is the time to endure.

In the end, everything will be resolved once I get myself together.

I feel bad for Maaya, but this way, I don't have to worry about dragging her down.

For now, keeping some distance is better for both of us.

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[Maaya PoV]

After being turned down by Reita-kun, I stood there alone, my shoulders slumped.

“Maaya… maybe you should stop…? I've said this before, but he's not the same guy we used to know.”

Rin-chan looked at me with pity.

Am I really just bothering him…?

He accepted it yesterday somehow, but maybe he didn't actually want to.

Well… of course, right…

When he said he “hated” me, it was probably because I kept pushing into his space without reading the situation.

I know that already, but…

“Uuu… Rin-chaaan…”

“Alright, alright.”

My feelings overflowed, and I instinctively buried myself into Rin-chan's chest.

She gently wrapped me up.

It's not exactly soft, but it's warm, and it calms me down so much.

“What should I do…?”

“Well, honestly… maybe you just have to give up?”

“But…”

“I get how you feel. But, Maaya—sometimes in life, you have to compromise. Otherwise, you'll ruin your whole high school life.”

I know that. I understand all of that—and still, here I am.

“More importantly, what do you want? Do you just want to make up as childhood friends, or do you want to be in a relationship with him?”

“Um… well…”

“I won't get mad, so just say it.”

Rin-chan asked gently.

She's usually negative when it comes to Reita-kun, but seeing how troubled I am, she's trying to help.

“…If I can… I'd like to be his girlfriend… I guess.”

I hesitated a little, but I told her honestly.

Though if I'm really honest, it's not just “if I can”—I really, really want to.

For me, Reita-kun is practically my entire life over these past seventeen years.

When we were kids, we were always together, and even after we drifted apart, I kept thinking about him constantly.

Honestly, it's gotten pretty bad.

It's gone beyond normal love—more like I've stepped into something obsessive.

If I think about it calmly, I've done some pretty questionable things… like following him around or taking photos.

And every night, I imagine—

…Well, yeah. I've already gone past the point where I can hold it back.

There's no way I can just give up without doing anything.

At the very least, I need to chase this dream one last time.

“…Then why not just confess already?”

“C-Confess!?”

“Isn't the reason you can't let go because you think there might still be a chance? Then wouldn't it be better to take a gamble instead of worrying endlessly?”

“That's…”

She might be right, but…

“But if I confess now, there's a 99% chance I'll get rejected.”

“And that's fine. At least then your doubts will disappear.”

“Will they…?”

If I confess recklessly, I feel like I'd just make things worse.

I can already imagine myself going full stalker afterward.

And besides, I'd probably just tell myself it's because he hasn't gotten his memories back, so I'd still have lingering feelings anyway.

I want… if I'm going to give up, I want to go through it properly so I can really move on.

“Besides, jumping straight to a confession is way too much…”

“Then how about asking him out on a date?”

“A date…?”

“It's a lower hurdle than confessing, and if he even rejects a date, then you'll know for sure there's no chance.”

“Hmm…”

Even then, I could still blame it on his lost memories…

Well… if I keep thinking like that, I'll never get anywhere.

“…Okay. Maybe I'll try that.”

“Wait, seriously?”

“Why are you so surprised?”

“I was half joking…”

“But that means the other half thinks it's a good idea, right?”

“Well… yeah.”

And honestly, just imagining it makes me want to go on a date with him.

When we were kids, we played together after school all the time—but that was just as childhood friends.

I've never gone on a proper date in my life.

There's a high chance he'll reject me, but like Rin-chan said, it's better than worrying endlessly.

I was already planning to do something like this anyway.

“Also… sorry for making you worry again.”

“…It's fine. I guess I was being a bit stubborn too.”

“Rin-chan…!”

“Oh, but don't get too comfortable around him, okay?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Talking with Rin-chan made me feel a little lighter.

Alright—no more fear.

I'll go all in.

A real gamble.

Please, God… just give me one chance…!