Chapter 3: Nagisa Amanatsu’s Love (from Amanatsu’s perspective)

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

(Ahh, this is the worst. I can't face Hatsukade-kun. I don't want to go to school.)

As I walked along the route to school that morning, negative thoughts kept endlessly spilling through my mind.

I—Nakina Amanatsu—am in love with Subaru Hatsukade.

It started on the day of that fake confession.

Even though I did something so awful, even though it was a punishment game, he offered me his handkerchief while I was crying.

I remember my heart giving a sudden thump at that moment.

He wasn't especially tall, and he looked down at me with that grumpy expression on his face—but there had been a flicker of gentleness in his eyes, as though he was concerned for me.

I desperately wished that this low fever making my head feel hazy was just a misunderstanding.

But whenever I let my guard down, he was always in my field of vision, even without me meaning to look for him.

Seriously, give me a break.

Because isn't that obvious?

Even if this happened now, I'd already disqualified myself at the starting line. It wasn't right for me to have feelings like this for someone I had tried to bully.

During lunch break, I hurried after his back as he left the classroom alone.

I wanted to confirm immediately that these feelings were all in my head.

And there, on the stairwell landing, I faced him.

Hatsukade-kun, who always wore a scowl in class, called me cute, praised my efforts, and smiled kindly at me.

Ahh, no way.

I had fallen right into the trap, tumbled headfirst down, and drowned in a muddy swamp.

That was the moment I realized I was experiencing my first love.

---

When I entered the classroom, Sakura waved at me with a smile.

“Morning, Nakina!”

“Yeah, morning.”

I put my school bag on my desk and walked over to her.

Shi-chan and the rest of our usual group were there too.

If these girls—real extroverts—had known me in middle school, they would surely be shocked.

The truth was, I had been a shut-in gamer who stopped going to school.

Back then, every day filled me with anxiety.

For the first few weeks after becoming a shut-in, I cheerfully focused on climbing the ranks in a shooter game. But after a month passed, then a year, I began to panic.

Wait… had my life ended?

Whenever I opened social media, I saw classmates posting couple pictures with their boyfriends or announcing that they had been accepted into prestigious college-prep schools.

By the time I reached the highest rank in my game, there was a painfully huge gap between my classmates and me.

Finally realizing that I couldn't keep going like that, I threw away my controller, worn smooth from use. I watched makeup videos nonstop and researched every possible way to become cuter.

To reclaim the youth I had lost, I switched my focus to leveling up my life.

After all that blood, sweat, and tears, I managed to earn my place here.

So I never wanted to go back to that kind of life again.

Then, at that moment—

Hatsukade-kun entered the classroom.

My heart began pounding wildly.

Without exchanging greetings with anyone, he quietly took his seat.

(…Haa. Hatsukade-kun looks cool no matter how many times I see him.)

That scowl of his, never trying to flatter anyone.

He looked cold, but he was only awkward; deep down, he was kind.

There was no end to the good things I could say about him.

(I wonder if he'll tell me I'm cute again today.)

If anyone else said it, I would only feel embarrassed. But when he said it, warmth filled my chest.

No—what was I even saying?

I understood that he put almost no emotion into his compliments.

He could probably say things like that without embarrassment because he truly didn't care about how other people evaluated him.

Because he wasn't trying to make anyone like him, he could speak honestly without any ulterior motive.

But viewed another way, that meant he had no romantic feelings for me.

And he had plainly told me so yesterday.

(He doesn't like me—not even one little bit…)

Then Shi-chan ran over to Masaki-kun, who sat in front of Hatsukade-kun, and spoke to him.

“Sorry about yesterday, Masaki-kun. I got a little annoyed because some random person said something irritating.”

Ugh… She was obviously talking about Hatsukade-kun.

Shi-chan was pretending to converse with Masaki-kun, who wore an awkward smile, but her eyes were completely locked onto Hatsukade-kun.

What should I do? I had to stop her.

Hatsukade-kun certainly tended to make enemies with his blunt way of speaking, but the fundamental issue was that we were the ones who gave him that fake confession.

If this continued, we'd cause him trouble again.

(Hatsukade-kun must be hurt.)

Thinking that, I glanced at him.

He was reading a paperback with a completely unbothered expression.

No, seriously, his mental strength was way too high…

Shi-chan's shoulders were trembling. Even from behind, I could tell she was irritated.

“Hey, Masaki-kun, what do you think about guys who casually compare girls and say which one is cuter right in front of them!?”

“…Well, it's not a good thing.”

“Right!? If there's a guy like that around, he's the worst, right!?”

Yesterday, Shi-chan had compared Masaki-kun and Hatsukade-kun, so this was a perfect boomerang.

Having run out of patience, Shi-chan put a hand on Hatsukade-kun's desk.

“Hey, I'm talking about you!”

“…”

“Don't ignore me!”

Before I knew it, the entire classroom had gone silent.

Everyone was watching the two of them.

After she shook his desk, Hatsukade-kun raised his face with an annoyed look.

“…What? I'm reading.”

“Apologize for yesterday.”

“No. I'm at a good part.”

“Y-You can't just keep reading in a situation like this!”

“A masterpiece is interesting at any moment. Oh, right. I'll lend it to you once I'm done. I'm sure you'll relate to the protagonist's monologue from the very beginning.”

“Huh?”

Shi-chan gave a bewildered voice, and Hatsukade-kun smiled as he removed the book cover.

He lightly waved the cover in front of her.

It was Osamu Dazai's No Longer Human.

“W-Who are you calling someone with a life full of shame, you jerk!?”

Shi-chan looked like she was about to scream as she writhed in fury.

Hatsukade-kun was way too ruthless… He had definitely prepared that in advance.

Then Sakura lightly patted Shi-chan on the shoulder.

“Okay, okay, calm down, Shi-chan.”

“Sakura…”

“Hatsukade's just that kind of guy. There's no point picking a fight with him.”

“B-But…”

Thank goodness…

It looked like Sakura was going to stop her.

She was the leader of our girls' group.

There was no official rule saying so, of course, but everyone instinctively understood that none of us could stand against her—so nobody defied her.

Everything was going to be fine now…

Or so I foolishly thought.

“Come over here too, Nakina.”

“…Me?”

“Let's all talk together.”

The instant I saw Sakura's expression, a chill ran down my spine.

She wore a suspicious smile, as though she were plotting something.

Because her features were so beautiful, that smile only stirred up an even more unfathomable fear.

My hands grew clammy with unpleasant sweat.

Against my wishes, I slowly stepped forward.

“Ahaha… so, what do you want to talk about?”

It was pathetic that I smiled out of habit even at a time like this.

Sakura curled her lips upward and looked down at Hatsukade-kun.

“Hatsukade, you were actually happy, weren't you?”

“…About what?”

“Getting fake-confessed to by Nakina.”

I thought my breathing would stop.

(Stop it!)

I didn't want them to bring up the fake confession again.

To them, it might have been an extension of teasing, but if Hatsukade-kun hated it, then it was bullying.

I had to stop them.

But before I could speak, Sakura cheerfully waved a hand and began egging him on.

“You don't have to hide it. You praised her over and over, calling her cute and everything—there's no way you don't have feelings for her. Right, Shi-chan?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, totally!”

As if she had been waiting for that, Shi-chan grinned.

“Exactly, exactly. Talk about not knowing your place. You only brought me into it because you wanted to look cool in front of Nakina. So lame.”

Shi-chan planted both hands on Hatsukade-kun's desk and leaned toward him.

“Too bad for you. But realistically, there's no way Nakina would ever like some plain guy like you. You only rejected her because you knew in advance it was a fake confession. If it had been a real confession, you'd have happily gone out with her, right?”

“…”

“Aww, what's wrong? Too frustrated to talk back?”

Hatsukade-kun gave no reaction.

He was like a gigantic wall silently batting their words away.

Shi-chan's cheeks twitched as she continued trying to provoke him.

“Nakina, you should just say what you're thinking too.”

“Huh?”

Still smiling, Sakura turned her sights on me.

“Getting rejected like that must have hurt, right, Nakina? Why not confess to him one more time?”

Shi-chan clapped her hands and jumped up.

“That's a great idea! A public confession!”

A few boys who caught those words began making noise.

“Huh? Is another fake confession starting?”

“This is gonna be good.”

Why did we have to do that?

If Hatsukade-kun said yes, they would tease him and say, “Too bad.” If he rejected me, they only wanted to mock him for pretending not to care.

“Nakina?”

Shi-chan peered into my face.

There were those eyes again—the cold gaze that accused me of being a buzzkill.

If I ignored them and refused to read the room, I might end up back in that dark room again.

“What are you doing, Nakina? Everyone's waiting.”

I really did love Hatsukade-kun.

I understood that, after all the wrong I had done, we could never be together. But I didn't want to cause him any more trouble because of me.

—That was when it happened.

“Haah… How did this even turn into this?”

With a voice that held not the slightest hint of motivation, Hatsukade-kun shrugged.

Despite how tense the room had become, he got up slowly, as casually as ever.

“Do you guys have any idea how much of a nuisance this is?”

The much shorter Shi-chan had to look up at him. Sweat appeared on her forehead as she recoiled.

“…W-What? You're the last person I want to hear that from!”

“No, I'm not talking about me. I mean what you're doing to Amanatsu.”

“???”

Wait, why me!?

Hatsukade-kun gave a weary sigh and declared it confidently.

“A cute girl like Amanatsu fake-confessing to an introvert like me? It damages her image.”

“…Huh? What are you even talking about?”

“I mean exactly what I said.”

As though she had encountered some unknown monster, Shi-chan panicked, her throat trembling.

“Y-You call yourself an introvert…”

“And you said I would've gone out with her if it hadn't been a fake confession, right? I don't even need to think about that.”

Hatsukade-kun paused, then gave a sly grin.

“Of course I would've dated her.”

““Whaaaat!?””

Shi-chan and I shouted in perfect unison.

Wait a second—what had he just said?

“Unlike a pipsqueak like you, Amanatsu is what I'd call a beautiful girl I admire.”

“A pipsqueak!?”

“Even that day, if I hadn't realized in advance that it was a fake confession, I would've said yes.”

“!? Everyone's watching! Why are you casually confessing right now!?”

“You're the ones who made me say it! Are you satisfied now? All right, break it up. Go on, everyone, disperse!”

With that, Hatsukade-kun calmly sat back down and resumed reading.

What kind of mental fortitude did he even have?

The classroom was in an uproar. Completely defeated by Hatsukade-kun's unrivaled response, Shi-chan could only stand there with her mouth trembling soundlessly.

Eventually, the homeroom bell rang.

As everyone returned to their seats, I discreetly looked toward Hatsukade-kun, trying to calm my racing heart.

Then our eyes suddenly met.

So only I would understand, Hatsukade-kun sharply held up two fingers in a small gesture.

Only then did I realize he had saved me again.

My ears burned hot.

Hatsukade-kun was way too cool…!