Chapter 14: Detoxification *Shinonome’s perspective*

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Translator: Soafp

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“Dad, I want to quit my current high school and transfer.”

I said it to my stepfather while he was preparing ingredients in the kitchen that morning.

After declaring to Hatsukade at school yesterday that I was quitting, I had kept putting off telling my family.

I knew full well that Dad was busy working, but if I didn't say it now, I felt I would miss my chance again. So I gathered my courage.

Dad, who had been stirring a silver stockpot with a wooden spoon, stopped and turned down the gas.

“…I see.”

He neither got angry nor looked sad. With a gentle smile, he took off his apron.

“Let's sit down and talk.”

“Okay.”

We sat side by side at the counter.

Once I sat down, my feet dangled and swung in the air because I was so short.

“Can I ask why?”

“…It's become hard to be in the classroom.”

“Are you being bullied?”

I shook my head.

“No. I did something bad. So you don't have to worry about me in a weird way.”

“…Have you talked to your mother?”

“…Not yet. I was planning to tell her when she comes home tonight. But I wanted to talk to you first.”

Mom had divorced when I was in elementary school.

No one had told me the details, but my biological father was apparently a wild sort of person, so maybe he had cheated with some woman somewhere.

My current dad had always been careful around me.

Ever since he and Mom remarried when I was in middle school, he would ask me all the time: What do you want to do, Emiri? What do you think?

But adults weren't the only ones who had to be careful.

When a stranger suddenly became family, I had to watch their mood too.

Dad was kind; if I acted selfishly, he would forgive me almost anything.

That was exactly why I had never truly discussed my feelings with him.

And yet I told Dad first because I didn't have the courage to tell Mom by myself.

She still felt guilty over the divorce.

If anything happened to me, she worried to the point of being overprotective.

She wasn't someone I could easily consult.

I didn't want to become a burden to Mom, who worked so sincerely that she even went in on her days off.

“Okay. I understand. I'll tell your mother myself.”

“…You're not going to ask what happened?”

Dad patted my head.

“You have that look on your face. You've reflected on it enough already, haven't you?”

I touched my face.

What kind of expression had I been making?

“You can stay home until you transfer. Rest for now.”

“No. I'll help out at the shop. I'll be bored otherwise.”

“But—”

“I'll feel more settled that way.”

“…All right. Then why don't you help with the prep work?”

“Okay!”

If I kept my body moving, negative thoughts would not have room to surface.

After changing into work clothes and putting on an apron, I began preparing toppings with an empty mind.

I made shredded white scallions, thinly sliced chili peppers into rings, and sweated in the spice-scented kitchen.

Fortunately, customers started coming in nonstop as soon as we opened.

I scrubbed my face with a towel.

My makeup might come off, but I no longer cared.

Eventually, the customers finally stopped coming and we had a brief lull.

Just when I let my guard down, thinking we might be close to closing, the shop's sliding door opened.

The moment I saw the customer's face, an utterly inappropriate sound for someone in customer service slipped out of me.

“…Huh?”

The guy sat at the counter with his usual scowl and confidently held up one finger.

“Tan-tan noodles, extra seasoned egg, mild spice.”

That was what Hatsukade said.

---

Was this guy out of his mind?

I had told only him yesterday that I was quitting high school.

How could he still come here to eat ramen like this?

Normally, you would feel too awkward to ever come back.

Even Dad looked confused and started to sweat at Hatsukade's confident manner, as though he were a regular customer who came here every day.

Of course he was confused. Anyone would be if a classmate showed up like this after their daughter had just come to them with such a serious problem.

“H-Here you are.”

When Dad set down the tan-tan noodles, Hatsukade happily snapped his disposable chopsticks apart.

Dad and I watched him intently while he slurped the noodles as though they were delicious.

Saying he had hair on his heart would be too mild an expression.

Also, I had thought this the last time: he was panting like the food was really spicy.

Hey, was he actually bad with spicy food?

He always ordered mild spice… so why did he keep eating tan-tan noodles?

“…Thank you for the meal.”

Hatsukade put his hands together and spoke with satisfaction.

Then he slid his empty glass toward me and bowed to Dad.

“The jerky you gave me the other day was delicious too. Thank you.”

“O-Oh. I'm glad you liked it.”

“I could eat as many pieces of that as you gave me.”

As he spoke, Hatsukade looked at me as though asking, What about water?

I hurriedly poured water from the pitcher.

“So, have you told him about transferring yet?”

I spilled the water everywhere and hurriedly wiped it up with a cloth.

“W-What are you saying!?”

“…You were the one who told me yesterday.”

“That's not something you bring up like casual small talk! What would you have done if I hadn't told Dad yet?”

“Sorry. I didn't think that far.”

Definitely a lie.

I could say that with certainty.

A guy as perceptive as him would never make a mistake like that.

“So, sir, what are you going to do about your daughter? Are you going to let her transfer?”

“…Yes. If that's what Emiri wants, I support it.”

“But if she transfers, won't she have to move? I'd be troubled if this shop relocated.”

“I don't think that will happen, so don't worry.”

“But what if Shinonome says she wants to start over in a place where no one knows her?”

“Then… we'll think about that when the time comes.”

“Wouldn't you be shocked if your daughter transferred right after starting high school? I'd rather avoid your tan-tan noodles losing their touch.”

I could not understand a single word of the conversation taking place.

Then—

Dad's cheeks relaxed, and he laughed weakly but happily.

“Yeah. If Emiri transferred, I might never recover.”

“Dad, what are you saying!?”

Just a moment ago, he had said he supported me.

So why?

“That would be a problem.”

Hatsukade stood up, looking not troubled in the slightest.

“I refused last time, so I won't pay today. Is that all right?”

“Yeah. I'll leave the rest to you.”

Their conversation made no sense, yet the two of them looked at each other and grinned.

Then Hatsukade turned to me.

“What are you doing? We're taking Pii-chan for a walk.”

---

What was Hatsukade trying to do?

We started walking Pii-chan, but instead of going toward the station, he was playing with her in a nearby park.

He tied Pii-chan's leash to a railing, while I sat on a swing.

“You're quitting high school?”

Hatsukade asked without turning his face toward me.

“…I told you yesterday.”

“What are you so stubborn about?”

“Stubborn…? It's not that. I don't have a place in the classroom, and if I stay, people will just keep making fun of me.”

“Not everyone hates you. The people who insult you are only loud; it's just a small group making noise.”

“Not everyone is as strong as you. Normally, if people close to you hate you… it hurts.”

The moment I said those final words, my eyes began to sting.

I had worked so hard not to show weakness, but saying it aloud made me feel weak.

“You have Hiiragi and Amanatsu.”

“Sakura's fine because she doesn't think about anything, but I can't face Nakina anymore.”

“She forgave you.”

“That's not the point!”

I raised my voice, and Pii-chan startled and hurried toward me in concern. But the leash stopped her short, leaving her to look up at me from a distance.

“I've explained it so many times! What face am I supposed to make when I'm friendly with her now? I did something bad—there's no way I deserve to be forgiven. Even with Katsurama, I brought it on myself. I liked the feeling of being wanted and left things alone, and this is what happened… It's all my fault.”

That was why I could not report everything honestly to the teacher on the night of the fireworks during the training camp.

What could the worst person involved possibly say?

I could not even talk about this with Dad or Mom.

If they found out their daughter was such an awful person, they would surely cry.

“Don't play the victim.”

As I desperately held my breath to keep from crying, Hatsukade's flat voice rang out.

I could not help giving a faint, sarcastic smile.

“You really never change, Hatsukade. At least be kind at a time like this.”

“Of course I don't. I'm me. And I've told you the same thing all along: don't play the victim. Apologize and reflect.”

Hatsukade, who had been crouching to pet Pii-chan, stood and looked down at me.

“You hurt people, so why are you acting like some tragic heroine? Do you think keeping quiet with that guilty look on your face, acting like you're worthless, will solve anything?”

“What are you—”

“That's not what you should be doing now. Even if you run away somewhere, you'll keep suffering.”

“…I don't understand.”

Hatsukade roughly ran a hand through his bangs and muttered with annoyance, “What is it with you and Amanatsu?” Then he sat on the swing beside me.

“…When I was in middle school, I had a childhood friend I loved. I had stupid dreams like marrying her someday.”

“Wait, why are you suddenly telling me this?”

Ignoring me, he continued in a serious voice.

“She had always been a handful. She was absentminded, and unless I looked after her, she forgot her homework. She fell down all the time, cried all the time—it was a lot. Watching over her, following her around, was my role. I thought I had always devoted myself to her. But she betrayed me in middle school. She gave me a stupid fake confession and turned me into a spectacle.”

An unpleasant feeling ran down my spine.

My heart clenched tightly, and my palms grew damp.

“…Well, I got my revenge in various ways, but the problem came afterward. What do you think she said?”

“…I don't know.”

“She said, ‘Please don't abandon me,' after it was already too late. It was ridiculous. She said convenient things like she only realized how important I was after she lost me. Obviously I couldn't accept that—I had never received an apology from her.”

The words Hatsukade had repeated to me again and again came back, and my body began to tremble.

“After that, people in class began harassing her. It's stupid, but once someone does one bad thing, people treat them as the villain no matter what they do. In the end, she suffered punishment beyond anything I did to get revenge. Her parents apologized to me later. They said their daughter never consulted them even as things got worse, so they were too late to act. Tell me—why do you think she kept acting that way until the very end?”

I somehow understood.

She must have thought:

“At the very end, she told me, ‘I don't deserve to be forgiven.'”

The words came exactly as I expected, and it became hard to breathe, as if someone were strangling me.

“Who does she think she is? She doesn't get to decide that. The victim—me—has that right. Watching her mope around and show me how hurt she was wouldn't make me feel better. It just made me sick. What I wanted was a sincere apology and actions to back it up. If she left that vague, I couldn't settle my own feelings or forgive her. She couldn't draw a line under it either, so she failed to move on and destroyed herself.”

Hatsukade said it in his usual even tone.

What an awkward person, I thought.

He was the kind of person who could not act unless he had a clear reason that let him make peace with himself.

And perhaps that was what Dad and Hatsukade had been talking about, too.

A clumsy, kind, and ultimately extraordinarily stubborn boy—that was Subaru Hatsukade. Only now did I finally understand.

“Shinonome, the person who refuses to forgive you most is yourself.”

A strangled sound escaped my throat.

I pressed my lips together and lowered my head, desperate not to let him see my face.

Hatsukade got off the swing and casually stretched.

“Well, see you.”

“…Yeah.”

I got up too.

If I relaxed even a little, tears felt ready to spill over, so all I could manage was a brief reply.

Then it happened.

“Shi-chan, why are you with him?”

I looked up sharply—and for some reason, Katsurama was there.

My mind went blank.

“I-I should be asking you that.”

Katsurama stared at me with a confused expression.

Then Hatsukade stepped in front of me, blocking my view.

“Hey, Katsurama. What are you doing here?”

“You answer first!”

“No, you go first. What are you doing? Your house is far from here, right? I know because we've ended up on the same train several times after school. This isn't somewhere you would walk to on a whim.”

“I-I… Shi-chan looked down at school, so I thought I'd try to cheer her up.”

Katsurama held a white plastic convenience-store bag in one hand.

I became scared, and my body began to shake.

“Why do you know Shinonome's address?”

“Well… someone from class told me.”

“Who?”

“Um… I forgot.”

“Just so you know, Shinonome hasn't even told Hiiragi where she lives.”

“…”

Katsurama's expression changed, becoming sharp and dark.

It was a look I had never seen at school.

“Don't tell me—you were stalking Shinonome?”

“…”

Scary, scary, scary…

My anxiety narrowed my vision.

Then suddenly, my body was pulled sideways.

“Huh?”

Looking up, I realized Hatsukade had pulled me close with an arm around my shoulders.

“Give it up already. This is how it is.”

What did he mean, this is how it is…?

My heart pounded violently.

I had been shaking in fear just moments ago… but now my body felt hot.

Katsurama dropped the plastic bag.

Jelly cups and snacks scattered across the park ground.

“S-Stay away from her!”

“You're the one who should disappear, Katsurama. Even you know Shinonome hates you, right?”

“That's not true… We had a small fight, but once we make up, then—”

Hatsukade pulled me closer with his left arm, pressing our bodies together.

“She doesn't mind when I do this. But she's afraid of you. That's your answer.”

“Shut up, shut up! What is your problem!? You're just some loner who sits silently in class acting cool! You're disgusting! You must have taken advantage of Shi-chan when she was vulnerable and done something to her!”

“Pathetic. You're the coward here. You tried to comfort a girl immediately after she was rejected because you wanted an opening. Every time you had to do the right thing, you chose self-preservation instead. How many times have you abandoned Shinonome?”

Hatsukade released me and slowly advanced on Katsurama.

“You don't even have the courage to tell her you like her. Now you're following her around like a stalker? Who would ever like someone like you?”

“Screw you!”

Katsurama punched Hatsukade in the cheek.

“Ah!”

I covered my mouth as he followed up with two more blows.

“Stop it!”

I was so frightened that tears started flowing.

I rushed to Hatsukade and supported him.

Then I saw his face and felt a chill.

Even in this situation, without a single change of expression, he was glaring at Katsurama.

The silent pressure made Katsurama recoil.

“W-What?”

A snapping sound came from behind us.

“Woof!”

Pii-chan's huge body leaped onto Katsurama.

Oh, right. Her leash was getting old.

“Aaah! Help!”

Mistaking it for an attack, Katsurama fell onto his back with a scream.

Pii-chan wagged her tail and licked his face.

…That was unbelievably uncool.

“What are you kids doing!?”

A police officer who had been patrolling on a bicycle hurried over.

Hatsukade calmly raised a hand.

“I was with a female classmate when her stalker hit me.”

“That's a serious incident!”

After that, everything became a mess.

My dad and mom were called in, and we were questioned about what happened.

Hatsukade, as a person directly involved, had to go to the police station too.

By the time everything was over, it was completely dark outside.

I told the police and my parents the entire story of what had happened.

As I spoke, my emotions rose again, and I cried like an idiot.

I thought I had run out of tears, but when I saw Hatsukade's swollen cheek before we parted, tears came again.

Strangely, even at a time like this, Hatsukade was completely himself.

He got hurt because of me. He should have been angrier.

He could have told me he hated me.

“Sniff… I'm sorry for everything, Hatsukade.”

He gently patted my head.

“So you can apologize after all. I forgive you. Everything.”

With the gentlest smile I had ever seen…

Then Hatsukade stepped away as though nothing had happened and talked to Dad about how this would settle the ramen bill or something.

He got into a car with his mother and went home.

I kept staring after the glow of the car's taillights until they disappeared.

The guilt that had been squeezing my chest eased, just a little.

But my heart was still racing wildly.

What kind of face was I supposed to make when I saw him on Monday?