Chapter 12: Voices
Translator: Soafp
After fleeing from the park, I raced back to the riverbank, my heart pounding with each step as the rush of emotions threatened to consume me.
The weight of my encounter with Kenji bore down on me like a heavy burden, suffocating me with its relentless grip.
As I drew closer to the riverbank, the turmoil within me intensified, reaching a crescendo that left me gasping for air.
Each breath became a struggle, as if I were fighting to stay afloat amidst the turbulent waves of my emotions.
Tears blurred my vision, mingling with the darkness of the night as they streamed down my cheeks.
Finally reaching the riverbank, I stumbled towards the bridge, seeking solace in its familiar embrace.
Collapsing onto the cold ground beneath it, I lay there, my chest heaving with the effort of trying to regain control over my tumultuous thoughts and feelings.
The cool night air offered a brief reprieve, gently caressing my skin and momentarily easing the intensity of my anguish.
But beneath its calming touch, the pain remained, a constant reminder of the betrayal and heartache that had led me to this moment.
Alone in the darkness, with only the sound of the river flowing beside me, I felt utterly lost and adrift.
In the darkness of the night, I felt utterly alone, isolated from the world around me by the weight of my own anguish.
Each breath came in short, shallow gasps, as if I were struggling to fill my lungs with air amidst the suffocating grip of my emotions.
But even in the midst of my despair, a small voice whispered within me, its words like a haunting echo in the darkness.
[Don’t you want to end this?]
“Who is this?!”
My heart pounding with fear as I scanned the empty surroundings, searching for any sign of the mysterious voice.
[Have you not suffered enough pain?]
The voice persisted, its words piercing through the silence with unsettling clarity.
The question echoed in my mind. Yes, I had suffered enough pain, enough heartache to last a lifetime.
[You don’t have to go through this pain. You can end it all]
But I resisted, shaking my head vehemently as if to dispel the insidious thoughts that threatened to consume me.
Stop it, I don’t want to go that route.
[Why not? Do you want to suffer from this pain forever?]
N-no, I dont…
[Then let it—-]
STOP IT!
I cried out, cutting off the insidious voice before it could finish its sentence. My heart raced with a mix of fear and defiance, my hands trembling at my sides as I struggled to regain control of my thoughts.
As the voice faded into the recesses of my mind, I closed my eyes and went to bed. Hoping that I never have to hear that voice ever again.
The next day dawned with a heavy weight pressing down on my shoulders, a lingering sense of exhaustion that clung to me like a suffocating blanket.
Despite my best efforts to find solace in sleep, the night had offered no respite.
Tossing and turning in my makeshift bed beneath the bridge, I found myself plagued by restless thoughts and haunting memories that refused to grant me even a moment’s peace.
As the first rays of sunlight filtered through the gaps in the bridge above, I dragged myself out of my makeshift shelter, my limbs heavy with fatigue.
Each movement felt like a Herculean effort, as if I were wading through thick molasses with every step.
I couldn’t complete my recycling routine yesterday. My hands shaking as I sorted through the meager collection of cans and bottles in my bag. Each discarded item felt like a lifeline, a small glimmer of hope in the midst of my desperate circumstances.
But as I counted the meager handful of recyclables before me, a sinking feeling settled in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t enough—not nearly enough to earn me the few coins I needed to buy food and water for the day.
“Haa…”
[Do you really want to keep living like this?]
…You again.
[I also know that you want to do it. Why prolonging it?]
Despite the persistent voice echoing in my mind, I shook my head, trying to dispel the insidious doubts that threatened to overwhelm me.
No… I can’t give up. Not yet.
[But why? What’s the point?]
The voice’s taunting tone grated on my nerves.
Because… because it will get better eventually. It must be.
[Better? In this miserable existence? You’re deluding yourself.]
I gritted my teeth, refusing to let the voice’s cynicism erode my resolve.
You don’t understand… There’s more to life than this. I just have to keep going, keep pushing forward, no matter how hard it gets.
[And what if it never gets better? What then?]
Doubt pierced through my determination, threatening to unravel the fragile threads of hope that held me together.
[Your scar is only getting bigger and bigger. What would you do if you met someone you know and they saw how you look? Would you break down in tears? Succumb to despair?]
The voice’s cruel words echoed in the recesses of my mind, each syllable a painful reminder of the harsh reality I faced.
It is right… I couldn’t deny the truth in those words. The scars, both physical and emotional, were a constant burden, weighing me down with their relentless presence.
[I am the band-aid that you’re asking for. ]
The voice’s offer sounded tempting, like a lifeline thrown to a drowning man. But I can’t fall for it.
As I gathered my resolve, I knew I couldn’t succumb to the voice’s temptations. With a determined breath, I pushed aside the lingering doubts and focused on the task at hand.
Gathering my worn-out bag, I double-checked its contents—a pair of worn gloves, a small flashlight, and a few plastic bags. These were my tools for the day ahead.
Taking a deep breath, I hoisted the bag onto my shoulder and set out on my mission.
Several days had passed, but the relentless voice continued to haunt me, a constant reminder of the struggles I faced each day. Living on the streets for nearly a month now, every moment felt as challenging as the first.
As I went about my usual routine of collecting recyclables, my heart skipped a beat as I spotted two familiar figures in the distance. It was Hana and Yuto, walking side by side as if nothing had changed.
The sight of Hana stirred a tumult of emotions within me, her presence a painful reminder of the betrayal I had endured. Despite my best efforts to push back the flood of memories, the ache in my heart persisted, a constant reminder of the trust that had been shattered by a mere rumor.
But it was the sight of Yuto that ignited a firestorm of emotions within me. Anger, hatred, resentment—each emotion surged through me like a raging inferno, threatening to consume me whole.
As I watched them from a distance, a knot formed in the pit of my stomach, wondering why they are together.
I knew if I came closer to them that I would be more sad, but I had to know why. So I walked towards them without them knowing.
They walked into the park where I confessed my love for Hana back then. As I continued to tail then they stopped near a bench.
I hid myself near the pedestrian behind the bushes.
As if driven by an invisible force, I found myself drawn closer to them, my steps slow and deliberate as I approached unnoticed. I knew that confronting them would only lead to more heartache, but I couldn’t shake the need to understand.
They walked into the park, the same park where I had once poured out my heart to Hana, laying bare my deepest feelings for her.
As they came to a stop near a bench, I stayed at near the sidewalk and hid behind a tree, my heart pounding in my chest.
Hidden from view, I strained to hear their conversation, desperate for answers yet dreading what I might discover.
“You look sad, Kobayashi-san. Something wrong?”
“No, it’s just that this place reminds me of Ryota. He confessed to me at this park.”
“Hmm…”
“But let’s set that aside. What did you want to talk to me about?”
“Right, let me get straight to the point.”
My heart pounded in my chest, the anticipation almost suffocating.
“I like you, Kobayashi-san. Please go out with me.”
“I—“
As she hesitated, grappling with her response, I couldn’t bear to wait any longer. With a surge of overwhelming emotions, I turned and fled from the scene.
When I moved far away from the park, I collapsed against the cold, hard ground, gasping for breath as the flood of emotions threatened to overwhelm me.
Each heartbeat echoed in my ears, a painful reminder of the love I had lost and the wounds that still remained raw and tender.
As I lay there on the ground, the weight of my emotions bearing down on me like a heavy blanket, the voices returned, whispering tauntingly in the recesses of my mind.
[You see? Even she has moved on. Why are you still holding on?]
Its words cut through the silence like a knife, each syllable a cruel reminder of my pain and loneliness.
[You have nothing left. Why keep going?]
I tried to block out the voices, to push it away, but it persisted, gnawing at the edges of my sanity with relentless determination.
[End it all, Ryota. End the pain.]
Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to drown out the relentless chorus of doubt and despair that echoed in my mind.
[End it all…]
The voices whispered in unison, their words echoing in the emptiness of my soul.
With a heavy heart and trembling hands, I succumbed to the relentless barrage of voices, their insidious whispers pushing me closer and closer to the edge.
My mind swirled with a whirlwind of emotions, each one more overwhelming than the last.
The pain of betrayal, the anguish of loss, the suffocating grip of loneliness—all of it seemed to converge into a single, unbearable weight pressing down on my chest.
In that moment of weakness, I made a decision.
I couldn’t bear the pain any longer. I couldn’t continue living in this endless cycle of despair and heartache.
I will end it.
[Yes, that is right. You don’t have go through this pain]
Will I finally be freed from my pain?
[Yes, yes. No more aches or suffering]
As I tried to stand up, my eyes caught sight of a building nearby, its facade weathered and worn, slated for demolition.
Alucard90
April 9, 2024 at 12:02 amOh damn. What’s the release schedule for this?
anon
April 9, 2024 at 12:23 amMan, every chapter is like doing cardio, why some letters in a screen can affect me so much
MangHose
April 9, 2024 at 5:37 amSo, the next chapter is us going full circle back to chapter 1? We can all assume that Ryota will survive, but I want to see those who contributed to his pain and misery suffer their karma, in full payment plus the accumulated interest.
P.S. Hana and Ken sure deserve each other, being traitors and all.
Alucard90
April 9, 2024 at 3:16 pmKen deserves nothing but a foot in his a*s
Moetaz
April 9, 2024 at 7:03 amAs much as i like where this is going i also think it’s somewhat stupid.
A whole month since kenji gave the police the USB but they didn’t do anything not even look for ryota.
Soafp
April 9, 2024 at 8:02 amNot a month 2 weeks
Mano
April 9, 2024 at 10:51 pmI read a translation up to chapter 19. I can tell you that all of them will suffer from their own foolishness