Chapter 31: 6 April, Affair
Translator: Soafp
“I… Ugh… gulp.”
After a moment of choking, the sound of the last mouthful passing through the throat could be heard.
How many hours had it taken to finish the meal? The evening sun was streaming in through the gap in the window.
“You did great eating it all, Ginro-san.”
I gently wiped around Ginro-san’s mouth as they remained bowed, and then patted their head. Each strand of their damaged hair pierced my hand and heart.
I’m sorry, Ginro-san.
“I’m going to visit Mana. For dinner, I’ll make Ginro-san’s favorite curry.”
There was, of course, no response.
I wasn’t even sure if she was listening.
Though I knew there was no point in speaking to her, I must have been hoping for something.
Leaving those words behind, as if clinging to a faint hope, I placed the dishes on the tray and left the room.
Leaving the room, I headed to the living room and used a towel that was placed on the desk beforehand to wipe away the food debris and sauce from my dirty face.
I couldn’t wipe my face in front of Ginro-san.
I’m not allowed to do anything that would further discomfort Ginrou-san with my every move and action.
I don’t know what effect the act of wiping away the dirt we both acquired together would have on Ginro-san. So—–
“Vu…“
Suddenly, the sensation of a muddy current rushing to my throat assaulted my senses.
By the time my body realized that “it” had reached my throat, it was usually too late, and indeed, it had already reached my mouth.
With the force of the current, having the resolve to gag my mouth with duct tape, no matter how tightly, was futile. Humans, engulfed by the force of the muddy stream, seemed so powerless…
“Ughhh… ee… eeee”
A considerable amount of vomit, enough to expel everything from my stomach, flowed down onto the floor of the living room.
“Ah… o… ugh”
With no support to hold up my weakened body after expelling all the vomit, I collapsed onto the vomit-covered floor.
In the midst of the intoxicating consciousness and the intense stench passing through my nasal passages, my mouth uttered words that I had hidden deep within myself.
“It’s all… her… fault…”
Stop it.
“It’s because of… her… that Ginro-san… and I…”
But, whose fault is it that I’ve become unable to even accept sharing food with Ginro-san?
“That guy… shouldn’t… exist… there’s… no excuse…”
No, none of this would have happened if my sister hadn’t violated me. I could have stayed in that house. Spent time with my family. And Ginro-san wouldn’t have been hurt.
“I’ll… kill… her… I’ll… kill her… that devil… I’ll kill her…”
I’ll kill her. Because of you, I…
I’ll kill her.
I’ll kill her.
I’ll kill her.
I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her, I’ll kill her.
“…. Are you okay?”
I look around.
What surrounds me is a hospital room covered with curtains, and outside the window, the day has already faded into a faintly reddish darkness.
What assaults my nostrils isn’t the pungent smell of vomit, but the scent of chemicals.
Lying on the bed in front of me is my sister, still covered in bandages.
Ah, right.
I’m here to visit Mana.
“Onii-chan, are you okay?”
“Yeah… I’m fine.”
Despite those words, I cover my face with both hands.
I seem to have blanked out from that moment.
I don’t remember how I dealt with that vomit, how I managed to come to the hospital, or what I was talking about with Mana until just before. I don’t remember anything.
Haha, it seems my body and mind are both nearing their limits.
“Becoming like Ginro-san is just a matter of time, huh…”
………………Ah.
“Eh?”
“Ah no, it’s nothing… sorry.”
This is the worst.
My boiling, muddled-up worst feelings leaked out in my voice.
What’s with saying things like, “Becoming like Ginro-san is just a matter of time…” I shouldn’t be thinking things like that. It’s bad enough to have a bad personality.
“Onii-chan?”
“……Eh?”
No good.
All my emotions are escaping as words from within my heart.
Even though the inside of my mind is supposed to be the only personal space that remains inviolable, it’s not effective to huddle up, cover my face with my hands, and shut out all information from the outside world.
It’s over. I’m already finished.
“It’s tough, huh?”
“……Eh?”
“You’re the only one who came out of it unscathed, Onii-chan.”
“……Mana?”
“I got seriously injured, Ginro-san fell ill, and Onee-chan is unconscious…”
“……What are you… saying?…”
“Yet you’re the only one who came out unharmed, so you can’t afford to complain. You have to support us.”
“……”
“We’re the ones who suffered the most, so you can’t let us see you suffer and worry.”
“Mana… stop…”
“Onii-chan, I understand, you know? So—”
“Stop it!!”
I involuntarily raise my voice, standing up and putting my weight on the bed railing, causing it to shake.
Why am I so enraged? I don’t know.
What I’m about to say now has nothing to do with my emotions. Yet, I can’t stop it.
“Are you saying that visiting is not a burden?! Taking care of Ginro-san is not a burden?!”
Even though she’s probably witnessing her older brother in a state of fury that she’s never seen before, Mana’s eyes are still fixed on me.
“Haa… haa… it’s… it’s okay, Mana. I’m okay.”
“There’s no way you’re okay.”
“You’re the one who’s suffering more than me, Mana.”
“……Yeah… that’s not true.”
“……Eh?”
Mana’s gaze meets mine, and for a moment, I see a depth of pain and sorrow that I’ve never seen before.
“Ha….a….?”
“Onii-chan is the one who’s suffering more, for sure… I’m just in pain.”
“……”
Accepting Mana’s words, I slump weakly against the chair.
What am I letting Mana say?
Just in pain? That’s… that’s not right… that’s not right…
I’m… a failure… as a brother…
“Onii-chan ?”
“?”
In an instant, I feel a sensation, warm yet firm, touching my right cheek.
I cautiously turn my gaze to the right.
There’s Mana’s face, and what touched my cheek were her lips, barely escaping the coverage of the bandages.
“…Mana?”
I’m not particularly surprised.
Normally, I’d recoil in shock, and Mana would tease me about it.
But right now, I’m incapable of feeling any emotion towards any self-proclaimed role.
“You’re not surprised.”
“…Yeah…”
“Because you understand my feelings?”
“…Probably not.”
…My feelings?
What does she mean?
“I see… I guess that’s true.”
“We’re siblings… and you’re you, Onii-chan , and I’m… Mana.”
“Y-yeah…”
Through the gaps in the bandages, I see Mana’s eyes shimmering with light, faintly swaying.
I’ve seen Mana’s eyes shimmering before.
The last time I saw it was… that day.
The day Mana got seriously injured.
Every time I saw it, honestly, I found it annoying.
Haha, I see.
I finally realized it now. I never had the qualification to be an older brother.
While I want to support someone, on the other hand, I’m disgusted by the idea of consuming my life supporting “others.”
The day I had my first conversation with Mana.
I tried to act like a proper older brother for a bit, thinking I should. But after that, Mana got excessively attached to me, coming to me for advice every day… and I felt irritated.
Being indifferent to someone crying is what a “cruel person” does.
So the moment I saw it, I should have made some sort of approach.
But…
Ah, again, huh? That’s what I was thinking.
I didn’t want to become a “cruel person.”
But my essence… is—-
“I can’t pretend to be a good person… I’m a selfish person.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Mana answers like that. But maybe Mana doesn’t know anything.
“I… I’d rather be supported than support others.”
“I know.”
I’m still saying it. But I just realized it now.
“Mana… doesn’t know that, though.”
“I know, everything.”
“Mana?”
“But it’s your fault, Onii-chan. I… I came to you… hoping for the words I wanted to hear.”
Words I wanted to hear?
“So, I love you. That’s why, even though I understand, you… pretend not to see… That’s why, even though you’re not really worried about anything, every day… every single day, I came to you for advice.”
“Eh?”
“Because… when I come to you for advice, Onii-chan, you face me seriously.”
Mana… loves me?
Maybe these eyes go beyond sibling love. I’ve seen these eyes many times.
Stop it… Mana. Please… stop…
“So!”
Suddenly, my vision was engulfed in darkness. My body was enveloped in a warm space with a compelling force.
I was firmly held within that space, unable to move.
But despite that, Mana felt so close.
It was because I could feel Mana’s breath and the rhythm of her heartbeat reaching my body.
Ah, it’s warm because Mana’s body temperature is being transmitted.
I’m being embraced by Mana.
“Next, I’ll… support you, Onii-chan. I love you, Onii-chan.”
“M-Mana…?”
Even though I’m being embraced, as usual, the power of trauma doesn’t take effect.
Instead, it feels really nice.
Even though being embraced by Ginro-san would burden me both physically and mentally, but…
Right now, I feel like I could confess everything to Mana. I’m really a terrible boyfriend.
“…I… I’m tired.”
I pull Mana’s floating back closer to me.
And we get even closer.
“Yeah, I understand.”
“But… I shouldn’t have carried it all alone.”
“That’s right, Onii-chan. It’s okay to rely on me, you know? I want you to rely on me.”
“Yeah, thank… you… Mana.”
“Thank you, it’s me who should be saying that.”
After a little while, I come out of the warm space.
In front of me is Mana’s face. We embrace each other and gaze deeply into each other’s eyes at close range.
Mana loves me, so I knew what might happen next.
But even though I knew, I didn’t want to avoid it or stop it—
By the time I realized it, our lips were overlapping.
[Mana PoV]
I’m sorry, Onii-chan. And… Ginro-san.
I felt like I had no other choice.
In this situation where there’s no one else to support you, if I support you, Onii-chan, inevitably you’ll become dependent on me.
It’s sneaky, I’m sorry.
But…
When we kissed, I was happy.
I was so happy that tears wouldn’t stop.
So please forgive me.
I love you, Onii-chan.
…Yuran.
[Yuran PoV]
The doorknob to the house feels heavy.
Is it because of weariness towards having to take care of Ginro-san?
Or is it guilt from kissing Mana?
Probably both.
I accepted Mana’s affection.
I voluntarily abandoned our sibling relationship.
It’s cheating, isn’t it?
This shouldn’t be forgiven.
What am I doing…
The door to the room looked like an insurmountable cliff more than anything else.
But I’m not allowed to run away.
I forced the door open.
“Eh?”
There, an unbelievable sight awaited me.
Standing before my eyes, standing independently and walking on two legs. With silver hair and—-
Ah……
“Ginrou-san!!!”
Even though I knew I had long lost that right, I discarded my shoes and ran towards Ginro-san.
Ginro-san, Ginro-san, Ginro-san—
“Hey, Yuran… where were you?”
“……Eh?”
Unexpected words came from Ginrou-san.
“You said you wouldn’t leave me alone…”
“……Eh?”
“You liar.”
“…………Ginro-san?”
It was a vivid shock, as if condemning the sin I had committed.
“Liar!!!”