It’s a time of relief for those of us who have been tied up in the grind of classes during the day.
Today is a little out of the ordinary.
I sigh uncontrollably, I was made to clean up after school, which is such a relief time, and this after-school cleaning is the cause of my depression.
The reason why I was made to clean is because I was late in the morning, and I was late for the first time today.
For some reason, this caught the attention of the teacher, who was in a bad mood today, and I was made to clean as a punishment on the accusation that I was “starting to sag”.
I think there is a lot of room for leniency since it was my first time being late, but I guess today’s teacher has a stance of not forgiving even if it is your first offense.
Ah, no, Yuji was made to clean the gym by himself, while I was made to clean the experiment preparation room, which is not usually used very often, so I suppose they might have taken a bit of mercy on me.
“But I’m tired.”
I feel like letting go of the broom in my hand.
The classroom is so unused that no matter how much I sweep it, dust keeps popping up. To be honest, I want to go home.
But I’m the one who’s forced to do the cleaning, after all…
I manage to push down my depression and accept the fact that I have to clean the room, and I move my broom.
Besides cleaning, there is another event that is the reason why my mind is dominated by melancholy.
It happened this afternoon.
I was summoned to the rooftop to apologize to Ginro-san, where she kissed me intensely.
At that moment, my mind was in such a state of confusion that it felt like it might go completely blank. However, I didn’t feel any discomfort at all. In fact, I might have been happy. It was a kiss from the person I cared about, even if it was a little forceful. There’s no guy who wouldn’t be happy about that.
But the problem came after that.
I was so close to her that our noses were touching, and I was reminded of Nee-san kissing me.
“I am the worst….”
The words leaked out of my mouth unintentionally.
I saw her as Nee-san, the root of all evil, who had violated me as she pleased.
Ginro-san is kind, she cares about me, and she is different from my sister who destroyed me only for her own greed…I know that.
But when I saw Ginro-san kissing me, I saw my sister’s image in her eyes, which were stained with ecstasy, and I thought they belonged to my sister.
If it’s a bad dream, I want to wake up and wonder how I should face Ginro-san from now on. How am I going to tell her that every time I kiss her, I might catch a glimpse of my sister…?
I have been wandering in a maze with no answers.
That’s how disgusting and unforgivable what I have done is.
“Yuran, you won’t finish cleaning if you keep sweeping like that.”
Suddenly, I heard a voice from behind me. The door was closed. Was I so deep in the swamp of my thoughts that I did not even notice the sound of the door opening?
And the owner of that beautiful, clear voice was…
I turned around and saw Ginro-san approaching me with her silvery white hair swinging.
Our eyes met, and Ginro-san looked happy.
And then, as she approached me three meters away, she set up a chair that had been lying nearby and sat down on it.
“Yuran…I looked everywhere but I couldn’t find you…I heard from someone else that you were being sent to clean up, so I came here.”
“You came… and who told you?”
“They’re just a classmate, okay? Oh, don’t worry, okay? I asked for a notebook from Yuran and I want to return that notebook, that’s why I asked.”
She stared at me and smiled as she continued her story.
“I’m keeping our relationship a secret.”
The last sentence was emphasized very strongly, but I didn’t pay much attention to it, because I was trying not to pry too deeply into the relationship because I was reluctant to meet with Ginro-san.
If I pry, the conversation will continue, and if the conversation continues, there is a risk that I will be exposed.
The fact that I have compared Ginro-san with my sister’s image is something that I must not let her know.
It is a matter of course that one should not hide things from one’s lover, but this time is different. It is obvious what Ginro-san would think if she knew that I had superimposed my sister’s image on Ginro-san’s. I have to be careful not to hurt her.
I think this concealment is necessary in order not to hurt Ginro-san.
“….You’re being awfully distant.”
C-Crap! She noticed in an instant!?
I’m not kidding…I think I’m pretty good at getting around in the world.
I’m pretty confident that I can hide something with my facial expressions, but I never thought that it would be spotted in a split second…!
“I knew it…are you hiding something?””
It seems that it is extremely difficult to deceive Ginro-san…but I can’t let her know about it, so I have to change the direction of the conversation and somehow deceive her…!
“No, I was just surprised that Ginro-san came here.”
The doubtful look on Ginro-san’s face has disappeared, and after spending the past month with her, I have learned something: Ginro-san’s emotions tend to show on her face.
So the disappearance of the expression of doubt that was on her face earlier means that she is no longer suspicious of me.
But I mustn’t rest easy yet, I don’t know when I’m going to fall apart again……as I found out earlier, Ginro-san is the type of person who can read people’s thoughts relatively well.
So, the compatibility with me who is currently in a state of extreme agitation is the worst. I’m sorry to Ginro-san, but the only way to protect our relationship from here is to ask you to withdraw.
“But Ginro-san, isn’t it quite a dangerous thing for you to come here? If someone sees us, there’s no excuse.”
“We’re strangers at school.”
Ginro-san looks sad.
It’s heartbreaking, but this is the only way…
If anyone finds out about this, Ginro-san will be burdened with even more sadness.
“I told you earlier…”
“I’m totally fine with it. Even if they find out about our relationship!”
Yes, I completely forgot about it. Ginro-san was negative about hiding our relationship!
Oh no…I made the wrong choice!
Ginro-san is putting words on my words.
“I, on the contrary, think we should make this public.”
“If we make our relationship public, Yuran’s presence will act as a deterrent and there will be no more boys who confess their feelings to me.”
“My presence will act as a deterrent and no more girls will fall in love with Yulan …….”
Ginro-san says it with a determined tone, as if suggesting that this reason is more important to her.
“Haha…there won’t be any girls who will like me…afterall..”
“Yes, there is.”
Eh… there is? Seriously?
I don’t think there’s a single thing that makes me popular, but the world is a strange place.
“Yuran, you should be a little more aware of your own attractiveness.”
I couldn’t quite catch what Ginro-san seemed to be whispering.
“Anyway, I want to make it public.”
Ginro-san stands up from the chair and approaches me closely, and I feel a bit overwhelmed by her presence. When Ginro-san looks into my eyes, I can’t help but avert my gaze because it feels like all of my thoughts are laid bare when our eyes meet.
“Wait! You said that so suddenly…”
I reply as best I can while looking away.
I can only reply like this because my head is in turmoil right now. I hate myself.
“Why won’t you make eye contact with me?”
“No, no…there’s no good reason…”
No, no, anyone would have detected something wrong with me if I had looked away this much.
“Yuran… is it because I kissed you? Don’t you like it?”
“No… no… not at all.”
Not good, she’s getting to the core of it.
It’s not good if I don’t do anything!
“It’s true… I didn’t think about Yuran’s feelings at all.”
“I couldn’t control my emotions… my head was filled with Yuran…I’m sorry.”
No…no…I didn’t hate the fact that I kissed Ginro-san.
I just hate myself endlessly for having reminded her of my sister…
Ginro-san is trying to spell out some words.
At that moment
The classroom door was opened with a bang.
“Kimisaki, are you doing a good job of cleaning? Are you cleaning up properly?”
Ah…that was close…
I didn’t expect the teacher to come into the classroom…
It would be bad for the teacher to see me with Ginro-san, and it’s obvious what kind of hammering the teacher would give me if a student was flirting with a girl while cleaning.
The reason I wasn’t in this classroom is because I was taking out the trash or something…
With such a whisper, a sweet breath falls on my ear.
“I’m kind of nervous.”
Yes, I took this moment to hide with Ginro-san in a nearby locker for cleaning tools so that the teacher would not find out.
“Fufu, I can hear Yuran’s heart beating…hmm? My heart is beating faster…it’s pounding…”
But to be honest, this might have been a mistake… It’s obvious what would happen if I were to enter with Ginro-san in such a small, closed room. But I was in such a hurry that I couldn’t even think of that.
I managed to get found out by the teacher… but the problem might start here.
I have to stay in this locker with Ginro-san until the teacher comes out of the room.
And my posture was quite dangerous because of my haste to get in there.
My right arm is stuck between Ginro’s beautifully shaped br**sts and my left hand is behind her waist. As if in response, Ginro-san’s hand is around the back of my neck.
This is very dangerous…no, to be honest, this is out of the question.
If my boy [TL: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)]…if it were to be activated, it would directly hit Ginro-san’s thigh…it would be beyond disgraceful if I commit the outrage of pushing my activated son against my girlfriend in a small locker.
Crap…it’s only a minute until the teacher disappears…I have to endure it somehow…
“You don’t want to find out that much about our relationship.”
“No, that’s not true…”
“I understand… Yuran’s feelings… but I really dislike it when other girls see Yuran as the opposite sex. Even today, Yuran… was being looked at by other girls.”
I was a little shocked that Ginro-san noticed the way other girls looked at me when I didn’t notice their eyes on me at all, and at the same time, I felt a little bit of love for Ginro-san who was jealous of me.
But Ginro-san’s jealousy is needless.
“But I can’t see any other girls but you, and you know that, don’t you?”
I can’t see anyone but Ginro-san, so I’ll never change my mind because she’s the only one in my world.
“So what if this phobia is cured?”
“If you become able to see other girls besides me, will Yuran… always love me?”
I had never thought…if I overcome my phobia and become able to talk to girls other than Ginro-san, will I fall in love with someone other than Ginro-san?
To be honest, I had never thought about such a thing, and it may sound like a terrible thing to say, but there was no guarantee that I would not fall in love with someone other than Ginro-san.
Even if I mumbled to myself “that’s not true” right now, there is a possibility that Ginro-san would guess my true intention that I am lost….
So the best choice given to her right now is…silence. It’s a shameful thing to say, but I can’t give her an answer.
Perhaps unable to see me like this, Ginro-san opened her mouth before I did.
“Today…a guy in the next class confessed his feelings to me.”
“Three months ago, I couldn’t see him at all because there was a black blur over the whole man.”
Same symptoms as me. I also experienced the same symptoms three months ago. So I understand this matter painfully well.
“But today, when a man I don’t know spoke to me, the blur had cleared up a little.”
“I mean, my symptoms have been getting better little by little, probably because I’ve come to know Yuran and I’ve come to understand that men aren’t all bad in my heart.”
“Maybe in a year’s time, I’ll be free from the harmful effects of not being able to look at men due to my trauma.”
Shockingly, I had no idea that Ginro-san’s symptoms were getting lighter. No, I don’t think she herself noticed it. Maybe she didn’t even look at the other boys, so she didn’t notice the change in herself…
I mean… me too…
“Yuran’s symptoms must have improved a little, too, just because you haven’t noticed.”
It’s hard to believe that something like that can make a trauma go away, but… maybe it’s true… maybe I felt somewhere that something was different from three months ago, but I didn’t even think about the nature of it…
If I had lost the phobia, I wouldn’t be the same as Ginro-san, that’s what I feared at the bottom of my heart.
“Then… then… we…”
There would be no point in us being together.
The words were almost in my throat, but I managed to swallow them with my breath.
“…I can assure you.”
“Even if my phobia of the opposite sex is cured, Yuran…I only like you, and the reason I’m dating you is not because you are out of the effect of my phobia…”
“I’m dating you because I love you as a man… as a person… and as my boyfriend… because I love everything about you…”
I can’t believe that Ginro-san likes me this much… I like her too, I love her… that’s an unshakable fact.
That’s why I hate myself endlessly for overlapping Nee-san with Ginro-san’s image.
“I’m sorry, I’m… a useless person.”
“No matter what Yuran hides in his heart… it all adds up to Yuran… and I can love even that…”
“I love you.”
Ginro-san’s tongue lifts my lips and slips through the gap between my upper and lower teeth, where it pinches my teeth, and lays waste to the inside of my mouth.
Our tongues entwine again and again as if entwined in sweet nectar. I feel like I’m having a dream that lasts forever in the depths of pleasure.
The teacher is gone…but we never left this locker.
This is a world where there is only you and me.
I really wanted to be connected with you in this happy world.
As a matter of course, I then received a sermon from the teacher on the matter of “skipping cleaning and going somewhere else”.
I decided to ask Ginro-san to go home before me, because I knew the sermon would be long, and I think I was right, because the sermon was so long that it was a hell of a time that daytime classes could not compare to…
I learned that to offend a teacher in a bad mood is as dangerous as throwing a pebble into a beehive.
And so, after my infernal sermon time was over, I headed back home.
It was cold at night in this season, and I sank my freezing body on the warm bed, feeling bitter at the teacher for lecturing me until this late (or maybe it was my fault…).
I press my face against the pillow.
“Earlier, when I was kissing Ginro-san, I was picturing Ginro-san and my sister over and over.”
At first I thought it was just a mistake on my part.
My comical, negligent, stupid
Just a mistake. That’s what I thought, or wanted to think.
But “this” is not such a simple thing, it seems.
My heart palpitates, my heart is in agony.
“Haa…haa…Ginro-san’s love for me is…unusual, somehow, somewhat insane.”
“Just like my sister!”
I assume the worst possible outcome.
“Maybe if I receive any more love from Ginro-san….”
I might break down.
Such a premonition ruled my heart.
It’s been a few hours since school ended and I’ve been home, but the heat of my feelings for him has yet to cool down.
Today, I kissed him.
I kissed the man I love.
That fact alone drives my feelings to this point.
My feelings for him continue to grow.
I love him. No matter what happens, even if the world dies, even if I die.
I will never let go of you,
Yuran and Suzune are in similar circumstances, but their natures are so different.
Suzune was broken by too much s*xual desire from the opposite sex.
Yuran was broken by too much love from the opposite sex.
Yuran knows the fear of being loved, and Suzune does not know the fear of loving.
The difference between them causes Yulan to suffer.