Chapter 35: This is what they call an explosive punchline

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Translator: Soafp

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[Ah, oh King. Black King. Please forgive us foolish ones]

I don't really get it, but the robot kneeled before me and bowed its head.

Uh, what's going on?

“Are they mistaking No-Face-sama for someone else?”

“Can I just smash it?”

“Gamlan-sama!! Please read the room!!”

“Are you one to talk, Christina-sama?”

Ignoring the noisy Christina and the others, the robot continued speaking.

[Oh King. You were always right. Even when it looked wrong, you always walked the correct path and guided your people as a great king]

“Heh.”

[We betrayed that. Believing that the gods would save us, we betrayed you]

“I see.”

[Oh King. Please, oh King. Punish us. We who foolishly betrayed the righteous you—please punish us.]

Punish them…? It's hard to respond to something that sudden.

I don't really understand what this robot has been saying, and honestly, it crossed my mind to just ignore it.

But…

[Oh King. Please, please grant us punishment…]

Even if it's a robot, ignoring someone who looks like they're about to cry… that hurts the heart.

I approached the robot and placed my hand on its shoulder.

“I forgive you. Thank you for your hard work up until now.”

I have no way of knowing what this robot did in the past.

But this “Black King” or whatever—sounds like something a chuuni would name—seems to have been cherished quite a lot.

If they're apologizing this sincerely, he didn't seem like the type who wouldn't forgive them.

At least, I would forgive them.

And luckily enough, the robot thinks I'm that Black King, so… might as well forgive them in his place.

[King. Ahh, merciful King. You forgive our foolish selves. If possible… if it is permitted… allow us to gather once more under your banner… please… please… al—low… ga-ga…]

“Ah, it stopped.”

The light faded from the robot's eyes, and part of its body exploded and scattered.

At the same time, the door it had been guarding opened.

Seeing what lay beyond, Belchika's eyes sparkled.

“Wh-wh-wh-wha!! Wh-what is this mountain of gold!? Even divided up, this must be worth hundreds of billions of Mani!?”

At the deepest part of the dungeon were piles of treasure.

Now that I think about it, the robot did say something like “this is the King's treasury.”

Wait—!

If I took all this treasure home, I could live without working for the rest of my life…!

…No, I should stop. Because—

“Huh? I don't care about money. No-Face! Team up with me!! With you, I feel like we can crush any strong enemy and kill ‘em dead!!”

“I didn't do anything, so please share it among yourselves. As for Christina-sama…”

“If a princess claims ownership over treasure found in a dungeon, it will cause no end of trouble… so I will also refrain. Please divide it between No-Face-sama and Belchika-sama.”

The Sword Saint, the Maidol, and Christina all refused the treasure.

Most importantly—

“Then from here to here is all mine!! I won't give it to anyone!!”

Just look at Belchika. Her eyes are literally turning into money signs.

The descendant of a hero rubbing her face against a gold ingot while drooling… yeah, not very cool.

I, No-Face, am supposed to be a cool character.

So I don't cling to money. And most of all, I don't want Christina and the others to look at me like I'm the same creature as Belchika right now.

“I shall decline as well. I have no attachment to money.”

“Then it's all mine!!”

Belchika scooped up fistfuls of gold coins and stuffed them into her pockets.

…Well, I said I didn't want it.

I glanced toward the robot frozen at the entrance to the treasury.

“Belchika. I don't need the treasure, but may I take that robot—Golem?”

“Huh? Sure, but… it's completely broken, and even if you repair a golem like that with modern magical tech, it'll never work at its original capacity again, you know?”

“I am aware. Still, leaving it here after it spent so long alone seems pitiful.”

“…It's just a golem, you know?”

“I know.”

Even if it's just a golem, I can't help feeling bad for it.

“Fufu, No-Face-san, you're actually kind of a romantic.”

“No-Face-sama, you're wonderful!!”

“…Indeed, Christina-sama.”

“Hey, seriously, team up with me!! We'll find strong guys, kill ‘em, heal ‘em, and kill ‘em again!!”

Well, since everyone agreed, I decided to take the robot's remains.

I used a silver chain from the treasury as a rope, fixed the robot so it could be carried out anytime, and at that moment—

“Huh? Wh-what is this!?”

“Belchika, did something happen?”

“T-that!! That's an Artifact!!”

“An artifact?”

What Belchika was staring at was a large scythe.

A huge scythe like the kind a grim reaper might carry.

“No mistake!! That unique pattern, that unique blade color—it's an alloy of orichalcum and mithril!! It's probably older than this dungeon!!”

“You can tell just by looking?”

“I can!! This is an artifact from before the ancient magical civilization that created this dungeon! Before the concept of magic even existed—an artifact from a pre–ancient civilization!! Just like my holy sword!!”

Belchika's holy sword was that ancient?

“C-can I take it!? No, I'm taking it!!—Ow!?”

“You okay?”

The moment Belchika touched the scythe, sparks flew.

Her hand was completely charred.

Oof, painful. Looks like there's some invisible barrier around the scythe.

Anyway, I should heal her first.

“I'll heal you.”

“Uu… thank you. It seems there's a really strong barrier on it.”

“…Hmm. Let me try.”

“No-Face-san? Even you won't be able to touch—”

“If I endure, I think I can.”

“E-endure?”

I reached my hand toward the scythe.

My fingertips charred bit by bit, and I healed them immediately with magic. It hurt like hell, but the pain was tolerable.

Alright, got it.

Now I just had to force-pull it out of the barrier's range—

Artifact, get.

“Y-you just powered through it…”

“Here.”

“Eh?”

“…? This is what you wanted, wasn't it?”

“W-wait, you're really giving it to me!? Even though you're the one who got it!?”

“I don't mind.”

“N-No-Face-san…!!”

Well, I have no use for a giant scythe anyway.

“Uu… if we weren't enemies, I'd want to propose to you. …Will you join our party now?”

“I'll decline.”

“…You didn't have to answer that fast. I'm still a girl, you know—getting rejected hurts.”

Belchika pouted, but when I handed her the scythe, her mood instantly returned, and she gleefully swung it around.

And then—

The scythe suddenly exploded out of Belchika's hands and spun straight toward me.

“Whoa—dangerous. …What's the meaning of this?”

“N-no!! It flew on its own!!”

“Really?”

“Really!! Watch!!”

“Hm?”

Half-doubting her, I handed the scythe back—and it immediately spun straight at me again.

Whoa, seriously?

“What is this…?”

“Maybe the artifact recognizes whoever touched it first as its owner… uuu, No-Face-san, I'll give that scythe to you.”

“I-I see.”

I felt sorry for her, but if that's how it works, then I'll take it.

“Belchika-sama and No-Face-sama are suddenly so close… I'm jealous!! I want to get closer to No-Face-sama too!!”

“If you wanna be close, just do it.”

“Don't say it like it's easy, Gamlan-sama!! Uuu, why does No-Face-sama choose Belchika-sama over me… oh!! C-could it be No-Face-sama prefers modest ch*sts!?”

“Christina-sama, comments like that will make you enemies of many women, please be careful.”

We were happily rummaging through the treasury when—

An announcement echoed through the entire dungeon.

‘Core loss detected. According to regulations, to preserve secrecy, the self-destruct protocol will now activate. Please evacuate immediately via the teleportation magic circle.'

…Wow.

Between the earlier robot and this… this dungeon sure loves blowing itself up.

“M-my treasure!!”

“Belchika-sama! Your life is more important than treasure!! Hurry to the teleportation circle!!”

“Uwaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!!”

Belchika's sorrowful scream echoed through the dungeon, and after we escaped through the teleportation circle, an explosion reverberated throughout the royal capital.

So that's what they call an explosion gag.