V4Ch4: A love affair that never begins and never ends

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Translator: Soafp

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[Kuon PoV]

“I’m sorry, did I keep you waiting?”

“No, I just arrived too. It’s been a while since we last met, isn’t it?”

“Don’t worry about it. There’s something I really wanted to talk to you about.”

Two days had passed since I returned from my solo trip. I arranged to meet my younger cousin in a private booth at a cafe.

I chose a private booth because I wanted to talk without worrying about the surroundings.

“Here’s a souvenir from this trip. I tried it myself, and it was delicious.”

“Really? Thank you. I’ll make sure to share it with everyone.”

We placed our orders. During lunchtime, we ordered some reasonably priced dishes and drinks to relax a bit.

“Were you at the hot springs again?”

“Yeah, I was. The hot spring was amazing, but then… “

“You have something to ask me, right? There might not be much I can answer, but…”

I’m usually close with my cousin, and we talk a lot. We also message each other frequently. Despite the age difference, my cousin is a good listener. She admires me, and being around her lifts my spirits. I have some things to ask her, but more than anything, I wanted someone to listen to my complaints.

I couldn’t possibly share this with anyone at the office. It would have to be a close friend from school or someone like my cousin. With family, I can reveal my embarrassing side without concern.

As we chatted about the souvenirs, I began to tell her about my shameful behavior.

I couldn’t relax until I got it off my chest. Looking back, my actions were foolish and far from my usual self.

If I listen to what he has to say, all I did was to show my horrifying ugliness, then to approach him with a misunderstanding, and to destroy his phone with suspicious eyes.

Just listing the facts makes me dizzy.

He just went out of his way to bring me, who was heavily drunk, home. I should be thankful, and he did nothing wrong. There was nothing to worry about, as I initially feared.

He wouldn’t be thinking about bringing another woman while on a family trip to the hot springs.

Yet, I was the lowest in every aspect. I must be seen with nothing but disgust.

In fact, his sister’s gaze towards me was extremely piercing and harsh, and it’s true. Even the details I wanted to keep hidden have been exposed.

He must be disgusted, and there might even be online posts calling me a despicable person.

I’ll compensate for the phone I broke, but that’s expected. In fact, I might be sued if I don’t. It’s the bare minimum required.

Apart from that, I couldn’t find peace without earnestly apologizing. I plan to formally apologize on another day. Even if I’m criticized, I’ll just have to accept it.

If this makes him lose the kindness he had, I won’t be able to face it. People who move to help someone without any self-interest are incredibly precious.

Working in this field, I inevitably encounter the ugly side of human nature.

That’s why, without realizing it, I’ve become a suspicious and distrustful person.

It’s difficult to possess a clear, pure character like a clear stream, and it’s precious and should never be tarnished. That’s why, even now, the image of his excessively pure character still feels unreal.

“So, you ended up throwing up on that person’s face… That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”

“This time, I sincerely regret it. I like alcohol, but I should really cut back. Just because you’ve reached adulthood, it doesn’t mean you should drink like this. I know I don’t have the authority to say that.”

“I can only advise you to be careful, but I never thought Kuon-san would make such a mistake.”

“I never thought I’d end up like this… It’s not just that, though”.

….Do I really need to mention the part about… leaking?

Although she is my cousin, I couldn’t suppress my modesty as an adult. Not a word of complaint (though she might have actually said something), I could only feel gratitude for him bringing me to the room.

There was no one in the room except for me. He couldn’t help me change, so he had to leave me there. But on the table, there were mineral water and liver support supplements, which I didn’t remember buying. He had prepared them.

Despite his thoughtfulness, what have I done to someone who went out of their way for me? I’ve been wallowing in severe self-loathing for these past two days. But I couldn’t bring that into work. That’s why I needed to vent like this.

“But, he was such an odd one. At first, he called me a yokai or something.”

“A yokai? That’s interesting.”

“I can’t tell you the name he used. And, um, after his mother knew about me, she started calling me ‘Goddess Sensei,’ which is so embarrassing. Especially since I’m already referred to as the ‘Goddess of the Legal World.’ I don’t want these weird nicknames.”

“Goddess Sensei? It feels strangely familiar…”

“I wanted to ask you about something. He’s a first-year, and it seems like he goes to the same high school as you. If there’s such a noticeable kid, maybe you know him?”

“Really? Wait, Kuon-san. I’m getting a bad feeling all of a sudden—”

“His name is Yukito Kokonoe.”

“――!?”

I had given my business card to his family, and I had his contact details. During that interaction, I coincidentally found out that he attends the same high school as my cousin.

Even though the number of students is large, my cousin might not know him. Still, today, I wanted to have this conversation in case it could be helpful in some way.

“Goddess Sensei… Goddess Senpai… First year… Kokonoe… “

“What’s wrong, Kyoka? If you know something, I’d be happy if you could tell me.”

For some reason, my cousin Kyoka widened her eyes in surprise and made curious noises.

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[Yukito PoV]

“Thank you, Yuki!”

“Could you open it? I picked it thinking you’d like it.”

During the summer break, students who come to school generally fall into three categories: those involved in club activities, supplementary classes, or committees. Even though my life may be failing in other aspects, my test scores are fine.

Therefore, if I were to come to school, it would be for either a club activity or a committee. Since I’m not a member of any committee, it means I’m here for a club activity.

After finishing the girls’ basketball practice, Shiori is on her way home. I also gave her a souvenir on the side.

“Going to a hot spring on a family trip sounds wonderful! I wonder what kind of souvenir it is?”

“Panties. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I thought the light blue color would look good on you–“

“Why the panties?!”

Shiori was taken aback as she opened the capsule.

I’m glad. It seems she was pleased. I knew the color would be bright for Shiori.

“I gave one to the Student Council President earlier, but she immediately tried to change on the spot. It was quite a scene.”

“Where do I even start with that!”

While Sakuma-senpai was restraining laughter, Mikumo-senpai, the secretary, was goading her.

As I was sharing tales from the hot spring trip, a voice suddenly called out from behind.

“—Kamishiro-san?”

Were they returning from club activities like us? A group of a few people. One of the boys was pushed forward by his friends as if compelled.

“Suzuki-Senpai…?”

That name rang a bell. He’s the second-year in the baseball club, the candidate for the next ace, who confessed to Shiori. Since I’ve never met him before, I couldn’t really intrude on their conversation.

Despite being in the baseball club, he didn’t have a crew cut. I guess that’s how things are these days…

“Kamishiro-san, are you on a date?”

“N-No, it’s not a date! I’m just heading home together with Yuki.”

“And you… I see, you are Kokonoe-kun, right?”

Although I was being as quiet as a mouse, the senior initiated the conversation with me.

“I wanted to introduce myself…”

It went wrong.

“Well, you’re pretty well-known. I’m Keiji Suzuki, a second-year. Are you and Kamishiro-san dating?”

“We’re in a ‘panty-giving’ relationship. Well, it’s just a cheap souvenir!”

“Why do you have to make it so complicated?!”

“I-I see… No, what’s that about?”

Suzuki-Senpai seemed troubled, but then he regained his composure.

“Frankly, I don’t have a very positive opinion of you. Regardless of the truth, you stand out too much.”

“Senpai, Yuki isn’t like that—!”

“Kamishiro-san, I haven’t given up yet. You’re not dating anyone, right? Then I believe I still have a chance. I confessed and got turned down last time, but I’ll make you turn to me.”

“——I’m troubled! I’ve already declined!”

“I genuinely like you.”

“Even if you say that…”

The Senpai’s friends were irresponsibly making a fuss. Suzuki had a determined look in his eyes.

His direct approach in expressing his feelings was admirable, fitting for someone in the baseball club.

However, despite being rejected once, cornering someone like this in a group and confessing again felt like applying pressure, somewhat cowardly. Also, not noticing Shiori’s discomfort was not okay.

“That’s lame. Shiori, let’s go.”

“Eh, Yuki? I’m sorry, Senpai!”

“H-Hey, wait!”

I abruptly interrupted the conversation. I couldn’t keep up with this. I shrugged my shoulders and left through the school gate with Shiori.

I don’t know what kind of person Suzuki-Senpai is, but cornering someone like that isn’t fair.

“Thanks, Yuki.”

“You’re quite popular.”

“It sounds sarcastic when you say it, Yuki.”

“I’ve never had a girlfriend, though…”

“—-Like I said!”

The clear sky that was spread out suddenly turned dark.

Cumulonimbus clouds that had rapidly developed covered the sky.

In summer, when the warm air heated by the sunlight collides with the cooler air in the upper atmosphere, cumulonimbus clouds rapidly develop, making the atmosphere unstable.

Thunder roared, and heavy rain started pouring down in an instant.

Sudden natural disasters in summer are extremely unpredictable. Naturally, we didn’t have umbrellas or anything.

“A sudden downpour… Shiori, let’s run!”

“Yeah. Yuki, my apartment is closer from here!”

They say a woman’s heart and the autumn sky change quickly, but the same might be said for summer weather.

The clear sky suddenly turns overcast, and rain starts pouring down to cool the air heated by the sunlight.

Nature’s ways were as usual today. The sudden summer spectacle.

On the way back from club activities, caught in a sudden heavy rainstorm, I end up seeking shelter at Shiori’s apartment. Water had seeped into my shoes, creating an uncomfortable feeling.

Weather forecasts are powerless against such sudden changes. I wiped my head and body with the towel I had with me.

“You should take a shower first.”

I couldn’t let Shiori catch a cold. That’s what I suggested, but for some reason, Shiori’s face turned red. What’s wrong?

“T-That line… it’s embarrassing, isn’t it?”

I couldn’t understand at all where the embarrassing element was, but there was no point in questioning it. It’s often the case that pursuing such things doesn’t lead to any good.

Lightning streaked across the sky, flashing through the thick clouds.

“I hope there won’t be a power outage.”

“If that happens, I’ll warm you up.”

“Why do you say things like that, Yuki?! Are you doing it on purpose? It must be on purpose!”

“What do you mean?”

I looked at Shiori with a sparkle in my eyes, innocent and pure.

“Kkuuuuuuuuuuu! Why are you usually so gloomy, but only so innocent at a time like this!”

“Shiori let out a bitter moan and seemed to be in anguish. What on earth is going on?

If there’s a power outage and it becomes pitch dark, taking a bath is dangerous. There’s a risk of slipping and falling in the bathroom, and if you hit your head during a fall, it’s not a laughing matter.

About 5,000 people die from heat shock annually, and there are around 17,000 accidents in bathrooms each year. The bathroom is one of the most dangerous areas in a household.

It’s too risky to go in while it’s dark. Everyone, please be careful!

If there’s a power outage, I meant that the only thing I could do to keep Shiori from catching a cold is to somehow keep her warm. But what on earth is Shiori talking about?

Maybe it’s the robust imagination of adolescence. Well, can’t do much about it.

“It doesn’t seem to be stopping yet.”

“Yeah. Might it turn into night?”

“Over there, the clouds seem to be thinning out, so maybe it won’t last that long?”

Not lingering for too long is also a characteristic of summer rain. Even though its momentum hasn’t stopped, it might reach a lull in about an hour.

“Oh, I need to bring in the laundry!”

“I’ll do it. But more importantly, you’ll catch a cold. Hurry up and get in.”

“Yeah! Thanks, Yuki. I’ll be out soon.”

With the sound of clothes being taken off in the background, she headed straight for the balcony to bring in the laundry.

The driving rain was mercilessly blowing onto the balcony. The clothes that were already wet would dry well enough after the rain stopped. She was only bringing in the dry clothes.

It’s been a hot summer this year. Hosting the Olympics in such a season is beyond reason.

There weren’t many clothes to bring in. From what I could see, they seemed to belong only to Shiori herself.

“Big.”

SUGOI DEKAI (So Big) bra hanging out to dry. Shiori, you’ve grown so impressive… Shiori Kamishiro is the strongest girl in terms of physique.

In her growth phase, she’s breaking height records. And it’s not just her being tall; she excels in athletic abilities too. It’s natural that she’s sought after by sports clubs, not only in basketball but also in volleyball. And let’s just say, her body parts also exceed the norm for a girl.

While thinking about such things, I’m also bringing in the underwear that was hung out with the clothes. It wouldn’t be right to leave just the underwear behind. I don’t have any mischievous intentions.

“Waaaaaaaa! Yuki, no, not the underwear!”

Maybe realizing that the underwear was hung out, Shiori hurriedly comes out from the bathroom.

“Isn’t that more inappropriate? Besides, I already brought it in…”

Shiori dashed out with just a bath towel wrapped around her, but it was too late.

By then, I had already started folding the laundry. When my mother used to come home late, I usually handled most of the household chores. It wouldn’t be unsettling at this point to have underwear mixed in with the laundry.

And mom and Nee-san are also sugoidekai; aside from mom, Nee-san is not that tall, unlike Shiori, which makes her feel immoral.

“Ugh. ……”

With teary eyes and a bright red face, he scurried back to the bathroom. I’m Yukito Kokonoe, a guy who doesn’t expect a lucky lewd development. If I continues to talk to Shiori in that outfit, something dangerous like that, like her bath towel coming off, might happen.

I would not take such a risk. My risk management is perfect.

When Shiori came out of the shower, she was still blushing. She was moaning inexpressibly. I wondered what to do and tried to reassure her.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m used to seeing him with my mother and sister.”

“T-that bothers me! Why are you used to it!?”

“My sister has zero wife skills. I used to take care of things like laundry and household chores.”

“So, that’s how it is. That’s why you can cook, huh?”

“Well, back in the day, my mom used to come home late.”

Although the opportunities to cook have significantly decreased, it’s a skill that hasn’t gone to waste.

I hand over the folded laundry to Shiori, who has changed into casual clothes.

“Are you going to take a shower too, Yuki?”

“I’m good. I’ll head home once it stops raining.”

“No can do, take a shower! Do you have any plans or something after this?”

“Well, not really…”

“In that case—!”

Haha, I see. So, you’re feeling lonely, huh?

Shiori’s parents are away on a company trip to Hokkaido.

“Got it. I’ll borrow it for a bit.”

“Yeah!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t do anything weird.”

“Why do you always say things like that!”

“I just see myself as an honest guy…”

“Mou! Now, hurry up and take a shower. Want to play a game together afterward?”

I’m pushed forward. The scent of soap tickles my nostrils. Despite appearances, she might be accumulating stress. It’s my duty as the one who escorts the girls in the bath to help relieve that stress.

――Until when should I keep stealing Shiori’s future?

“What do you want to do? I’m not really good at games or anything.”

“Then how about playing Bingo? First, we need to create Bingo sheets—”

“That’s not a game for two people! And we don’t even have prizes for that.”

“That’s not the point—”

“Okay, let’s start with numbers from one to five hundred.”

“They definitely won’t all match! How long are we going to play!?”

After various considerations, we decided on a fallen-object puzzle. I’m not really familiar with it, but it seems to be a love game where you complete puzzles to make characters fall. What the heck is that!

When I check, it’s from an unknown maker. Surprisingly, we get excited and by the time we’ve made the fourth character fall into pleasure, it’s already evening.

“How about Carbonara?”

“It’s been a while since I had your cooking, Yuki!”

I used the dryer for the wet clothes. I check the ingredients and quickly prepare the dish.

Shiori doesn’t seem to be very good at cooking for herself. I can tell by looking at the kitchen.

“There you go. Stop eating convenience store food.”

I plate the dish and set it on the table. It’s simple cooking, but it’s a delicate time of day.

I made a slightly smaller portion, assuming we would eat again at night. After all, Shiori is in her growth period.
They are “SUGOI DEKAI.” Well, she should be able to handle this amount easily.

“I’m trying my best… it’s just that the results aren’t showing.”

“It’s kinda bothersome doing it alone. Well, you’ll get used to it eventually.”

“Yeah, I know! Let’s eat.”

After finishing eating and washing the dishes, Shiori hesitantly starts talking.

“This feels nice. When I’m alone at home, sometimes, especially at night, I feel a bit lonely. It’s really nice to have someone around.”

Shiori looks at the calendar hanging on the wall, showing a troubled smile.

“Is it their trip to Hokkaido? Maybe you’ll have a little brother or sister soon?”

“Don’t say such vivid things!”

“Are you planning to be a grandparent soon?”

“Your vividness level just doubled!?”

Shiori’s face turns bright red, and she starts to feel warm. She might look cute, but for someone as physically strong as Shiori, the sound effects are more like a thunderclap, and I suffered a great deal.

“Sorry. It seems like I’ve been subjected to too much sexual harassment around me, and it’s numbed my senses.”

“Both the environment and symptoms seem severe.”

“That’s right.”

As I punch holes in the Bingo sheet, I casually open my mouth.

“Why didn’t you accept the confession from Senpai?”

“Because the one I like is you!”

Her words reach straight through, leaving no escape route.

It’s not just the Senpai from the baseball club. I know there are many people who have feelings for Shiori. For those people, my presence is nothing but a hindrance.

It would have been better if it were a lie. It’s a despicable thought that disregards Shiori’s feelings. However, her determined eyes pierce through, saying that she won’t let me misunderstand her feelings like that anymore.

Knowing that someone has feelings for me. I don’t have the insensitivity or the ability of a harem manga protagonist. I can’t continue to act oblivious like that.

To keep someone’s feelings towards me pending indefinitely would be cruel.

Time flows equally for everyone. It’s a crime to keep tying up someone’s youth forever. Everyone has the right to spend their shining moments.

And no one has the right to take that away from them.

So, I’ll tell her. Plainly, with just the facts.

Even if the answer hurts, Shiori should be allowed to experience her own youth.

Neither denial nor keeping things pending will change the hurt it causes. It only affects the magnitude of the pain. Still, it’s not permissible to keep playing with someone’s feelings, leaving hopes and expectations vague.

“—Shiori, I can’t accept your confession.”

There’s a clear gulp.

For a moment, I couldn’t pretend not to see her expression, on the verge of tears.

“Am I not good enough to be by your side? Is it because I’m not Suzurikawa-san?”

“I’ll say the same to Hinagi.”

“…Eh? Wh-why…?”

—I don’t want to say it, please don’t make me!

Somewhere in my heart, such conflict churns.

That’s precisely why I know that unless I say it aloud, I won’t find closure.

“…Because I can’t fall for you.”

That’s the only truth.

“…Is it my fault? If I hadn’t done that…!”

“You’re not to blame. It’s all my fault. It’s okay if you hate me. So, you should move forward soon. Don’t waste your time.”

“Stop it, Yuki! You can’t do this…!”

“You’re attractive. I’m sure you’ll find a wonderful partner. Someone like that baseball club Senpai is out of the question, but there are guys with excellent marriage material specs, like the refreshing handsome man.”

“I don’t want someone else! I like–“

“Your redemption and atonement are already over. I can’t make you happy.”

The past didn’t matter. I never cared about committing sins.

This is just a breakup conversation. I was confessed to and rejected. It’s just a common scene that can happen anywhere.

However, it became complicated. Two originally unrelated events. Unraveling the threads that tied them together.

“Thank you for everything.”

“No… I don’t want to be apart.”

Her hand reached my cheek as if clinging desperately.

How can she move forward? How can she shake off the past?

Would it be better if she hated me? If she could think that falling in love with such a terrible person was a mistake, that there’s no value in worrying about it, that she is a stain— —

“Shiori, I’ve always hated you. Don’t come near me anymore.”

“Yuki…?”

I left Shiori behind and headed towards the entrance.

As I stepped outside, the thick clouds had passed, and the sunlight was beginning to return.

“So, goodbye.”

I whispered softly without looking back. I knew it would cause sadness no matter what. Yet, perhaps wishing for her happiness despite that was contradictory.

If I could fall for someone else, would there have been a future where I could fall for Shiori too? Either way, it’s merely an ‘if,’ an unanswered question.

Receiving a confession and refusing it was already so painful, but I couldn’t even imagine how much I’d hurt someone by cheating after starting a relationship. I’m far from being capable of such a thing. I guess old guys like me are just scum.

I am a man who could never become a harem protagonist—Yukito Kokonoe

[Shiori PoV]

“I got dumped…”

I muttered as I sat alone in the room after Yuki had left.

A mix of joyful and sorrowful memories flooded my mind, conflicting emotions beyond my control.

“He hates me… That’s right. There’s no way he could ever like me.”

I hurt him three times. I contradicted myself, then caused his injury. Just before an important competition, Yuki got injured, and I blamed him along with the club’s advisor and members.

I had high hopes. I worked hard, hoping for results. Perhaps that’s why those words slipped out.

But Yuki never blamed me for being the cause. He protected me from blaming me for his injury. He quietly accepted my words without any reproach and quit basketball.

He didn’t make excuses. He never showed up in the basketball club again, didn’t pass anything to the younger members. Despite apologies from the advisor and the team, Yuki never returned, and nothing changed.

It’s all my fault. It’s natural for him to hate me. There’s no way someone like him could like me. Perhaps he found me, who kept hanging around, bothersome.

For the first time, I was directly told that I was hated. I thought so. But Yuki…

“I can’t give up.”

If Yuki had said that in his usual expressionless manner, I might have just accepted his words obediently. I would have believed that he truly hated me.

Maybe then, I could have given up.

However, the expression on Yuki’s face as he said those words was different, filled with an unusual amount of pain.

The words ‘I hate you’ were spoken as if being squeezed out. That made me understand. That was his kindness. It was his genuine heart, not a fabricated emotion. There was lingering kindness he couldn’t completely eradicate.

Perhaps that’s why, despite being told that he hated me, despite being denied in words, my feelings kept growing uncontrollably. However, I don’t know what to do.

I couldn’t reach Yuki’s heart. I had probably thought that he would choose Suzurikawa-san.

Because Suzurikawa-san was someone from his childhood, someone Yuki had liked before. But even to Suzurikawa-san, Yuki had said the same thing. Why? Then who does Yuki like? Yes, I remember his words.

Yuki is bad at lying to himself. I can even say he’s straightforward. The strongest mentality that doesn’t hide behind any words. Therefore, I understand some things.

“――Is there no one he likes?”

I feel like he said he couldn’t like anyone. There’s no one else he likes, and it’s not Suzurikawa-san either. There must be a fundamentally different reason…

I’m so stubborn, aren’t I? Yuki told me that so many times. That he doesn’t care anymore.

Actually, I think that’s true. If Yuki said he didn’t care, he truly doesn’t. That’s his personality. Even so, I wanted to make amends for what I did.

“Ah, I see. I guess I wanted him to scold me…”

Why do I understand this now? I’m always so slow, and regret is all that remains. Yuki is kind. That kindness tied me down.

And now, Yuki has freed me from it. I can’t give anything back. I only caused an injury and received protection.

I couldn’t get anything. I felt helpless. So, I chased after him. I wanted to be with him so much that I chose the same high school.

But I think Yuki felt like I was sacrificing myself for him. That’s why he rejected me in that way. No, that’s not it. While saying it’s not just self-punishment, I might not have fully understood my own feelings yet.

It’s not about redemption or compensation; I just genuinely like him. Pure, untainted feelings.

Could I express this once more?

He told me to move on. That surely means to look toward the future rather than the past, right?

But hey, is it that Yuki can’t be in that future? I don’t want that.

This isn’t his problem; it’s my problem. I can’t reach him. I can’t find an answer.

“But even just with Yuki, I can’t reach an answer.”

Suzurikawa-san will probably reach the same conclusion. Even if Yuki doesn’t accept Suzurikawa-san, she won’t give up just like me.

No matter how much Yuki thinks alone, those words won’t make us give up.

Because it’s not just Yuki or just me; it’s both of us.

We can only find acceptance in the conclusion reached by both of us.