V4Ch1: The girls I traumatized Part 2

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Translator: Soafp

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“What do I do, what do I do, what do I do… Not good, seriously, this is bad, super bad, bad bad bad.”

In my room, I spin a cube-shaped three-dimensional puzzle frantically. Usually, it should be solved within a minute, but it just wouldn’t come together. The situation is so dire that “bad” gets a triple usage.

It’s an unprecedented crisis. I never expected someone to get so furious.

I throw the three-dimensional puzzle onto the bed and reminisce about the tragedy that unfolded.

My mother appeared at the café, freshly returned from work, still in her suit.

It’s the first time I’ve seen such a stern expression on her face. Something seems to have greatly upset her.

With a click of her heels, she stands imposingly in front of me.

“The old man told me that Mom was abusing me and that he wanted to take me in if I was needed.”

“You idiot, choose your words more carefully! …It’s been a while, Ouka.”

“So, what do you think, Mom? I’d like to continue being together—”

“DON’T MESS WITH ME!”

Her voice, filled with anger, resounds sharply. She approaches, taking my hand.

“Let’s go home. There’s no need to listen to someone like that. And you, don’t ever come near us again!”

“Wait! I have the right to visitation as a parent. I still need to talk to Yukito—”

“You’ve already given up on everything. Don’t show your face ever again. Have you forgotten?”

With simmering anger, my mother spits out harsh words.

“Tsk… Ouka. I’ll definitely get my son back. Even if I have to file for custody change mediation.”

“Fall into hell, you scum.”

“Yeah, what she said!”

As the supportive son borrowing my mother’s authority, I provide cover fire from behind with a decapitation gesture.

Without a word, I’m led away by my mother, still cloaked in fury. We return home with few words exchanged.

I need to devise a plan somehow. Even after arriving home, my mother’s mood hasn’t improved.

Surprisingly, I’ve never been scolded by my mother before. She’s absolutely furious.

I haven’t really done anything to deserve being scolded. I don’t even realize if I’ve done something wrong, so it’s weird for me to apologize insincerely. It’s just pointless.

However, the fact remains that my mother is angry. Should I just appease her…?

In Japanese society, it’s said that it’s easier to survive by pleasing the boss rather than having actual skills. It’s a troublesome situation. All that’s left is bribery.

As I ponder over this, there’s a knock on the door. Only my mother observes the courtesy of knocking in this house. As for my sister…

“W-w-w-w-what is it?”

“I just want to talk to you for a minute. I’m sorry you were so scared. –I’ll never forgive that man.”

My mother, looking flushed, perhaps from having just taken a bath, looks attractive. This is bad, really bad.

But I don’t have time to think anymore. But there was no time to think about it. I decided to sesame paste her mercilessly.

“Lately, Mom, you’ve been beautiful. I’m happy about that too.”

“Is that so? What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?”

“*Personal opinion.”

“Well, that might be true, but…”

“You’re too beautiful, it’s painful.”

“Fufu… Are you trying to charm me into doing something? You’ve had a hard time today because of me, so I apologize. I should make it up to you. Okay, I’ll do anything for you.”

“Oops. I feel like I’ve stepped on some unnecessary landmine.”

“Even if I sweat or get dirty, I can just take another bath, right?”

“I’m scared, scared, scared! What are you planning!?”

“That comes after our conversation… okay?”

“Even if you say it in such a cute way… But, not just recently, I’ve always thought you’re beautiful. Could it be you’ve found someone you like at work?”

“…There’s no one like that.”

She plops down next to me, her usual spot in our home.

“What did that guy say to you today?”

“It wasn’t more than what was said there. Just that he wanted to take me in.”

“He said that?”

“Yeah.”

I missed the detailed quest description, but generally, my understanding shouldn’t be too far off.

My mother’s face visibly shifts from anger to immediate sadness.

“Have you met him before?”

“First time meeting him, but coming out now won’t make a difference. He’s no different from a stranger.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve properly talked to you if it was true.”

“I don’t care much.”

Even if I ask about what happened between my mother and him, it’s too late. Just like how it’s too late to claim to be a father now. The past is unchangeable.

Seeing that my mother seems concerned, I recall the conversation with the old man in detail. About him investigating me, someone named Tsubaki in distress, and the old man seeking help. Maybe my mother knows something.

“What’s that about? He is just using you. Besides, Tsubaki, that guy’s…”

“As for me, I’ll comply with what you want, Mom. I’ve caused quite a bit of trouble.”

I want to stay in this house, but if Mom wants to transfer, then that’s it. I’ll obediently follow suit.

“I don’t want that… Do you want to go to that man’s place?”

“It’s not like that, but…”

“I won’t let you go there. Shall we continue living together like before? Or do you hate me?”

My mother’s gaze trembles with anxiety. She clings to me sweetly and gently, as if trying to seduce me.

Even though she’s already sitting next to me and we’re close, she leans in even closer, reducing the distance to zero.

Her hand slowly strokes my cheek, the closeness almost suffocating.

“You wouldn’t think I don’t want my child, right? If you go to that man, try to take my child away, I’ll kill that man who instilled such thoughts in you.”

“That’s too much.”

Eeeeeeehhhhhh, that’s a lie, right!? Please say it’s a lie, Ouka-chan!

The statement is too extreme, and it scares me. Her eyes, void of their usual sparkle, seem to assert it’s not a lie. My mother’s body trembles slightly. Is it suppressing anger or coming from sadness? It’s summer now. It can’t be because of the cold.

Not knowing what to do, I try to calm her down by rubbing her back.

“If you ask me not to go, I won’t go. Is that okay?”

“I can’t stand the thought of you being gone again after finally being able to talk to you like this. I know it’s my fault. I have neglected you. I don’t want to leave you without making amends.”

I made her cry again. At this rate, the day I’ll write “Making my mother cry” as a skill on my resume is coming. But above all, something worried me a little. I feel a bit gloomy.

“So you want to live with me because of guilt?”

“No, no! That’s wrong! I’m sorry for the misunderstanding! That’s not it. It’s not like that. It’s not that, it’s because I want to be with you—”

“I understand, I understand, a bit more power… the elasticity of your ch*st…”

“I just want to live with me, Yuri, and Yukito. I don’t want to …… use you for my sake,……. I’m not going to use you as a tool for redemption and sin crime. I’m not like him!”

“Why did you come on my lap?! Mom, your butt is so soft. Ah crap.”

The truth spilled out uncontrollably. As she leaned forward, she tightly hugged me, squeezing me tightly. Muuuuu, the chest in the front, the butt in the back… My sanity is in crisis! Am I a total pervert?

“Should I contact a lawyer and get a restraining order? Preventing him from getting close to you or Yuri. That man is not worth your concern.”

It seems like there’s a deeper issue than I thought. It might be a long-standing grudge, or something similar.

However, the old man didn’t seem to give up so easily. Even though my mother despised him so much, he had some purpose and determination to show up after all.

“I thought marriage was supposed to bring happiness.”

Those words slipped out naturally. To have mutual affection and walk the same path together, to become partners. It was supposed to be a union driven by the desire for happiness.

“…We’re ugly, aren’t we? If it were a love marriage, would it have been different?”

“Weren’t you in love?”

“…I wonder. Even so, it might not have changed much. In the end, that man would bring unhappiness no matter who it was. Tsubaki. She’s the only one in his eyes. That’s all that exists in his world. The people caught up around his are just a nuisance.”

“It seems like he’s in trouble. Needs some help or something.”

“He’s so selfish… But still, Yukito is kind. Completely the opposite of that man. In your world, there are many people. They always bring happiness, illuminate your life. If you find someone you like, love them properly. You’re capable of that.”

“Do you think so?”

“Yes, because right now, I’m happy.”

I’m pitiful and cowardly. I’m not much different from the old man. Spreading unhappiness and witnessing tears each time. I made Nee-san cry, as well as Hinagi and Shiori. The same may be true for Himiyama-san and Sanjoji-sensei. All I remember is their crying faces.

I’ve been itching. But that’s just the Yankee Puppy Theory. It’s when badly behaved people are overly praised for a few good deeds. I’m not someone who should be praised, inherently.

The relationship between me and them stopped being equal at some point. It’s just a despicable situation where I have the upper hand. A one-sided game. Shielded by guilt, I can get away with s*xual harassment and bullying as I please.

If I ask for something, they have no choice but to accept, against their own will. So, I shouldn’t lay a hand on them. I can’t.

But, is that what ‘love’ is supposed to be like?

Finally, I realize.

I liked Hinagi because we had an equal bond since childhood. We shared time without any reservations. An equitable relationship with a special childhood friend.

Romance has to be fair. If it isn’t, then it’s ‘dependence.’

The old man said he gave up everything for Tsubaki. But here he is in front of us. He hasn’t given up entirely. There’s a huge contradiction.

What should I do? What can I do for them? Is there anything I can do?

Is it possible for me, as the one involved, to save the girls I’ve traumatized?

They seek forgiveness from me. But I believe they’ve been the ones not forgiving themselves from the start.

Is that feeling ‘love’ or ‘sin’?

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[Himiyama PoV]

“I wonder what to do…”

Taking a deep breath, I sat down on the chair. I met him again today. It was a lovely day.

By chance, Yukito-kun, whom I met at the bookstore, was holding several books about real estate. When we talked at the café, it seemed his mother, Ouka-san, is considering buying a home.

However, it’s surprising to see him start studying real estate on his own. I lightly wiped my skin, damp with sweat, with a towel. Should I take a bath first?

Maybe I got a bit too excited. Lately, life has been fulfilling. Every day is enjoyable. A sense of being alive. I never thought a day would come when I could feel like this again.

Unable to gather the energy to prepare dinner, I’m searching for a place for these overwhelming emotions.

Enjoyable times always pass in an instant, leaving behind only loneliness.

Returning to the room, there’s just this pitiful, lonely woman. Two mugs placed on the table. I gently touched them. The coldness of the inorganic ceramics felt comforting. I couldn’t wait to use the matching mugs together.

Suddenly, I came to my senses. What am I doing exactly?

Did I think the time with him was enjoyable? Did I misunderstand and think I was forgiven?

He doesn’t remember me. Well, that’s okay.

Rather than the inexperienced and foolish education intern that I was at the time, I’ll build a new relationship from scratch as just a neighbor. That might be another answer.

“After all, I’m not cut out to be an educator…”

Suzuka-sensei confessed to Yukito-kun. And then sincerely apologized. It’s not something easy to do. It must have been terrifying. She might face another setback. Yet, she chose to move forward. Suzuka-sensei still remains the educator I admired.

Somewhere deep down, I feel uneasy about spending time without revealing who I am. About being a liar. If he were to find out later—

The Yukito-kun from that time and the Yukito-kun now.

“Am I still an enemy to Yukito-kun? Or—”

After I left the school, he remained the same.

I was periodically in touch with Suzuka-sensei because I was concerned about him, but the outcome was too tragic. For everyone, hell awaited.

In the end, until he advanced to the next grade, he didn’t speak to anyone in the classroom. Not even with his homeroom teacher, Suzuka-sensei.

And he didn’t participate in any events. Sports day, choir competition, field trips. None of them.

On sports day, he had a time that wouldn’t be strange for him to be selected as a relay runner.

His classmates recognized that. But he didn’t say anything. He didn’t decide on any event to participate in. And no one could say anything to him. reluctantly, Suzuka-sensei decided him as a relay runner, but on the day of the sports day, he didn’t show up.

Ouka-san, who had come to cheer and see Yukito-kun’s performance, seemed utterly bewildered.

He ignored the entire class by himself.

It was like bullying, neglecting one person collectively, yet at the same time, it was the opposite.

Working together with classmates to achieve something. He denied all of that.

The reason was simple. He said it himself. For him, classmates were not allies but enemies.

Cooperating as fellow classmates was out of the question. An extremely concise conclusion.

It was perfectly natural. It is easy to understand. In fact, it could even be called straightforward.

There is nothing wrong. It is as clear and pure as glass. [TL:Glass boy]

However, I can’t help but wonder.

Can people really live like that?

To be so extreme, and for a child like him to be so resolute. No matter how much I pondered, contrary to his concise conclusion, I couldn’t understand his inner workings at all. A detached spirituality. That, in itself, is very sad.

As time passed without understanding, even thinking I’d never meet again.

It was just a coincidence. It’s like an unsolvable prank by the gods, including the fact that he didn’t remember me.

They say time resolves things, but will I be forgiven as time goes by?

—Deceiving the entity that should pass judgment.

When I approached him, I understood something.

Yukito-kun doesn’t need anyone.

No matter how much I reach out, no matter how close I try to get, he won’t reach out. He doesn’t seek anything. He desires nothing.

Not long ago, he was suspended. Upon hearing that, I couldn’t just stand by and reached out to help him. I was scared. I couldn’t forgive. Someone was trying to hurt him again. A strong anger. I would never allow such a thing.

But upon calming down, I realized that if it were him, he would have resolved it himself without me doing anything.

He didn’t even care about such punishment. Opposite to my indignant feelings, he remained calm, as if everything was normal.

That’s where I finally understood. The answer to the question I’ve held for years.

Yukito-kun is too used to being hurt.

Almost as if it’s his daily life.

Yet, he doesn’t yield. I don’t know how he obtained it, but an unbelievably strong mentality. He sharpened himself. Like a blade that hurts what it touches to confront malice. A hedgehog without dilemmas.

That’s why I think. Even if he doesn’t need anyone, he needs a sheath.

If Yukito-kun had acted directly, everyone might have been hurt in the end. If things somehow resolved smoothly, maybe what I did wasn’t in vain. Could I have contributed even just a little to him? Could I have reached out to him?

“Being alone is lonely… Yukito-kun.”

Maybe he doesn’t even think about such things.

But it’s impossible for me. The time we spent together until just now was truly enjoyable. Interaction with people is comforting and warms the heart. Perhaps it’s because I’ve lived alone for so long. Maybe it’s because I’ve just moved and have few acquaintances, so I’m on edge. Perhaps all of those are reasons.

I love children however I was not loved by children, and I lost my dream because children are denying me.

I thought of moving to change my mood even a bit. I intended to start fresh and leave the past behind. I was considering moving forward on a completely different path than before.

But meeting Yukito-kun made me decide to face the past once more. If I hadn’t met him again, I probably wouldn’t have thought of becoming a tutor at the cram school. I can’t be a teacher anymore, but if I could become even a bit as positive as I was back then…

“Will he forgive me?”

Continuing to deceive, continuing to hide, I reached my limit.

Even if I get hurt approaching a porcupine, full of needles, I want to know more about him. I must know. Not to repeat the mistake of hurting without trying to know, without asking. —That’s why, Yukito-kun, please give me the courage.

Bzzt

Suddenly, the smartphone placed on the table vibrates.

I furrow my brows as I confirm the sender of the email. Was it about the call the other day?

Mikiya Unabara. Heir to the long-established “Unabara Inn.” Someone deeply connected to me, yet someone I’ve cut ties with. It’s been over ten years since we last met. I’ve almost forgotten everything.

There was no contact after we parted ways. All that remains are bitter and painful memories.

He’s also a part of my past, but the decisive difference between him and Yukito-kun is that the past with him has already been settled. What could possibly be the story about my former fiancé suddenly contacting me now?

You were supposed to have left me behind—.