V4Ch3: Struggle in the Hot Water Part 5

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Translator: Soafp

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“Are you okay, Himiyama-san?” 

“Yukito-kun?” 

Himiyama-san sitting on the bed looked fragile and notably graceful. 

“Thank goodness…” 

It’s been almost three hours since receiving the news. The sun was setting, casting a glow in the room. 

While I had heard that she collapsed, seeing her conscious brought relief, and I sank to the ground, feeling drained of energy. 

“I’m sorry for being late. I tried to hurry as much as I could.” 

“P-please don’t apologize! You were worried about me too…” 

Her expression held an undeniable sense of regret and apology. 

I heard briefly from Sanjoji-sensei about what happened; Himiyama-san had been teaching at a prep school. However, she suddenly collapsed there and was rushed to a major hospital in the city. 

This Yukito Kokonoe has no shortage of hospital experiences. When I caused a big fuss and was carried into the hospital three times a year, I received stern lectures from Dr. Reizei, the attending physician, and Nurse Kurokane.

Each time I was discharged, I’d be warned, ‘Don’t come back again.’ In a sense, I became a famous regular at this hospital, a familiar place for me.

However, I’ve been a bit out of touch recently. When I showed up at the reception, Kurokane was summoned, and I was nearly dragged in for tests. It was challenging to clear up the misunderstanding, but once I explained the situation, they immediately directed me to Himiyama-san’s room. I’ll bring a souvenir next time.

“Um, is it just Himiyama-san here?” 

Looking around a bit, everything was neatly arranged, and there was no sign of anyone else. 

“Just until a while ago, Suzuka-sensei was here too. And Grandpa came to visit. You don’t have to worry so much. But, to think you’d come all this way, Yukito-kun…” 

It seems I was the last visitor. Though late, I rushed here. 

I feel guilty for ditching our family trip midway, disappointing both Mom and Nee-san. If I go back now, it’s going to be night. They were both worried, but we’ve planned to make up for it by going to the pool later. However, that’s not my concern right now. 

“You’ll be discharged today, right?” 

Kurokane-san mentioned that it wasn’t life-threatening. However… 

“Yeah, after changing, I just need to leave. It seemed to be more psychological than physical.” 

Himiyama-san smiled weakly. But I couldn’t be happy. I remember when we had that private lesson, her body was tensed, and her hands were trembling. 

If it’s psychological and if it was caused by me… 

“Taking medicine and resting seems to calm down, so please don’t worry too much, okay? But it might be impossible for me to continue teaching at the cram school… I’ve caused trouble for the children as well.”

“Trouble…?” 

For some reason, those words stuck with me. The twilight was gradually shrouding Himiyama-san’s expression. 

While staring at the setting sun through the window, she spoke quietly, resignedly. 

“I thought I’d overcome it. I wanted to stand up again after meeting you.” 

When she turned around, she smiled. Her usual gentle smile. 

“Even though you helped me so much… I’m sorry.” 

She bowed her head slightly. Her beautiful purple eyes reflected the twilight, turning into shades of deep purple.

Such a sad smile… She isn’t really smiling. It’s a fake smile. I didn’t want to see Himiyama-san’s face like that.

“Don’t you have to go home? You can’t stay too long anyway.”

Himiyama-san behaves brightly as if to change the gloomy atmosphere. Just a false cheerfulness.

Before entering the hospital room, I caught a glimpse of Himiyama-san’s expression for a moment, and it was the face I dislike.

I’ve always made her wear that kind of face. To my family, to childhood acquaintances, to classmates.

Come to think of it, since meeting Himiyama-san again, she has always been smiling. At least in front of me. Never angry, troubled, or sad. Although she’s shown such expressions before, the Himiyama-san in my memory is a woman who suits a smiling face.

From the moment I met Himiyama-san again, she was always smiling. There were times when she was angry, troubled, or sad. But even then, the Himiyama-san in my memory is a woman who suits a smiling face.

She finishes preparing to leave. If I let her go like this, I’ll surely regret it.

I’m here now, entrusted with her ‘thoughts’ from those who worry about her.

“I ran here, so I’m a bit thirsty. Can I drink this?”

“Sure, go ahead. Um, what’s wrong, Yukito-kun?”

I pick up the canned coffee that was untouched and placed on the table, probably a forgotten item from a visitor or a gift, and sit next to Himiyama-san. At the usual distance with Himiyama-san.

Himiyama-san’s body tenses slightly. The tension is felt. Oh, I see, I realize suddenly.

Himiyama-san is usually very close. However, it takes courage to be that close. It’s a distance that, stepping beyond an appropriate level of closeness, touches the other person, a distance not allowed between strangers.

A distance meant for family, or a person one trusts to the point of feeling it’s okay to be killed by them, a distance to expose oneself defenselessly, a distance. I understand that by trying to get closer to her.

“Yukito-kun, were you that worried about me?”

“Of course. Isn’t that the kind of relationship we have, Himiyama-san?”

“How do we look to others, I wonder? Will they call it something like a sugar mama relationship?”

“Isn’t it more like a high school boy and a suspicious high school girl?”

“Ara, didn’t you dislike loose socks?”

“Weren’t they equipped with weights or something, and when you take them off, it releases some kind of power?”

“Fufu. Wanna try? I’ll wait for you after changing next time.”

“Why don’t I ever learn anything!”

The bulldozer of digging one’s own grave in anger. That’s me, Yukito Kokonoe. Boo-hoo.

I open the pull tab and take a sip of the coffee, making a bitter face.

“It’s bitter.”

“It’s black. Do you not like it, Yukito-kun?”

“I have a sweet tooth, so I guess black was a bit early for me.”

“Even though you seem mature, you’re still a high schooler in that regard, Yukito-kun.”

Those words overlay with what my mother and sister have said.

“…Yeah. I’m still a kid.”

“Ah, I’m sorry! I treated you like a child and made you feel bad, didn’t I?”

I gently grasp Himiyama-san’s hand, which was flustered, and entwine our fingers.

“I got a good scolding from my mother and sister yesterday.”

“Those people who love you, Ouka-san and the others?”

“They told me I’m not yet an adult. They said not to try to do everything alone.”

“That’s…”

Seeing that she was contemplating, I continued.

“I always believed I shouldn’t trouble my family. In reality, I’ve caused nothing but trouble, but at least I’ve always tried to handle things on my own so I can overcome it. At that time too, I tried to resolve the misunderstanding alone.”

“――!”

I keep holding onto the hand that tries to pull back. Strongly, so she won’t escape.

“I thought it was okay like that. After all, the issue was resolved.”

“Yukito-kun, I….”

Interrupting Himiyama-san’s words. Resolution—whose resolution was it, after all?

“But that was the limit, and no one was happy afterward. Not Sanjoji-sensei, not Himiyama-san, not my classmates, not even me. I spent all that time alone afterward.”

I don’t regret being a loner in class. Hinagi, my childhood friend, was there, and that was enough.

“That kind of approach was wrong. I think that now. I should have discussed it and overcome it together, even if it caused trouble for my mother or my sister. …I realized that when I was scolded. It seems it’s okay to bother the person you like.”

I realized my mistake because she got angry. Indeed, my sister is an archangel. I should make an offering.

“Himiyama-san, do you like me?”

Although I internally recoil from the self-centered host-like statement, Himiyama-san, the endlessly likable older sister figure, responds without any discomfort.

“Yeah. I like you, Yukito-kun?”

“If that’s the case――”

As the scenery gradually becomes tinged with dawn, I turn my entire body towards Himiyama-san.

“Himiyama-san, please cause trouble for me.”

“Stop…it…. Yukito-kun…”

I peer into her eyes. Tears overflow, seemingly about to fall any second.

“Don’t bear it alone. That decision will make you unhappy, Himiyama-san.”

“I don’t have the right! I’ll trap you, hurt your dignity, and steal your future――”

I embrace her from behind. It’s the usual scent of Himiyama-san. A calming scent.

“Please. That day, I didn’t accept the letter from you, Himiyama-san. I even refused to apologize. I abandoned your plea for help mercilessly. So, one more time――”

If I had accepted Himiyama-san’s letter back then, at least it would have helped her sort out her feelings. But I didn’t even accept it.

It was me who couldn’t move Himiyama-san forward. I caused stagnation. How much time did she spend because of me, trying to atone?

I wasted her precious time in her twenties, like a precious gem.

Crack. Cracks start appearing in the smile Himiyama-san was wearing.

“Reach out your hand. Rely on me.”

Confusion, conflict, evident in her eyes. Wondering whether she should accept my words.

I simply wait silently. Waiting for her to reach out, believing in me.

From the day we met again until today, the time we’ve spent together has meant something.

――It’s trust. All for this moment, to rescue her from the frozen depths of hell.

Faintly, Himiyama-san’s lips quiver. A cold and chilling lament.

“…………Is it okay?”

A fragile voice. Himiyama-san’s heart was screaming. It reached my ears, for sure.

A strong yet fragile person who endured suffering while smiling. The kindest person more than anyone else.

“Can you… save me from this place?”

It’s peeling away. The smile that Himiyama-san had plastered on, like makeup.

The true face behind the smile. Thawing emotions were seeping out.

“Yes.”

Himiyama-san’s tears dampened the T-shirt. A far more beautiful thing compared to vomit.

“I’m scared… I’m scared! Even though I know the way children look at me, the mocking voices, it shouldn’t be like that. But I can’t speak, my body won’t move, breathing is hard. I hate it! Remaining pitiful and miserable! To just give up—”

“Let’s cause a ruckus around here. Everyone will gladly help.”

I have my limits in what I can do alone, and there’s no need for that either. Cooperation is necessary.

By Himiyama-san seeking help from me like this, I shouldn’t think of it as a bother.

This is what my mother and sister were saying. I, in my self-righteousness, didn’t realize.

“…Will you promise me?”

“Shall we pinky promise?”

Our pinkies entwined. Not letting go. A firm vow.

“If… if you lie… if you lie…yaa”

A choked sob. Himiyama-san fears voicing what lies beyond. Rejecting the thought.

Even if it’s a word game, the possibility of breaking the promise.

“Himiyama-san, I won’t lie. I’ll definitely do something.”

The person I once condemned as a liar. Even after we reunited, she continued to be deceived. But there was no need for that anymore. Our relationship had changed like this.

“Aaaahhh…”

In my arms, Himiyama-san let out tears. The long-accumulated grief.

There’s no need to gather the fragments of the peeled-away smile. From now on, it’s about being able to have a genuine smile.

The tear, harboring an intense heat, turned into a muddy stream, melting the thick ice that covered Himiyama-san’s heart.

For the first time, I felt like I touched Himiyama-san’s heart.

---

“She is…… afraid of the human eye?”

I was summoned by Himiyama’s grandfather, Rishu-san, in the parking lot of the hospital, and listened to him talk about things I didn’t know about Himiyama-san in the past.

“Umu. I guess I should say that she can no longer stand in front of people… She always liked children, even aimed to become a nursery teacher after giving up on the path of a teacher. However, the same thing happened during her internship. Fortunately, a colleague was nearby at the time, so it didn’t turn into a serious matter…”

There was the gentle figure of a worried grandfather for his granddaughter. Perhaps she felt conflicted and embarrassed about the current situation.

“It seems she realized it was impossible for her. That child couldn’t become anyone. Lately, I thought she was regaining some brightness and finally moving forward, but it doesn’t seem so.”

“I see.”

“I also personally apologized to the academy. However…”

The owner of the academy would be surprised if Rishu-san suddenly came to apologize. Despite being retired, he was a heavyweight in the political world, having been involved in national politics and holding key positions in the party. People might have seen his face on TV, newspapers, or the internet, and if they knew he was Misaki Himiyama’s grandfather, it would be difficult to fire her immediately.

“A week, maybe two if you manage to stick with it.”

“Any longer than that and she would be in trouble, and I don’t think she would want to do it herself.”

If Himiyama couldn’t continue as an instructor due to her health, retirement would become inevitable. Even if it was acceptable this time due to health issues, the question remained whether she’d be able to continue teaching in the future. That was the issue at hand. Therefore, they needed to somehow resolve Himiyama’s problem within a week, or at least within two weeks at a minimum. This was a tough challenge. Unlike external factors, when it came to psychological issues, unlike a quest a person might bring, it wasn’t a situation where an immediate and perfect solution could be provided.

“Power and money are powerless things. No matter how much you have, if you can’t save a single cherished granddaughter… What have I been doing all this time? Politics can always save the masses, but it can never save an individual. It’s a bitter lesson. That’s why I called upon you.”

Rishu-san bowed his head. The driver didn’t shift his gaze towards the back seat.

“I beg you. I want you to save that child. I can only rely on you. Misaki started smiling so much after meeting you. It must be somewhere in her heart. If there’s anything I can do, I’ll lend my strength. If there’s anything you need, I’ll provide it. There will be abundant gratitude. So, please…”

“It’s okay. I promised I would do something about it. Besides, you said earlier that you are powerless, but there must be things you can’t do without power or money. There are many things I can’t do. It’s not a waste of time. So let’s work together!”

Himiyama-san is loved like this. I was worried about what to do, but if Rishu-san is willing to help, it’s like having the strength of a hundred people. The available choices multiply significantly. That’s the power of Rishu-san.

“An incredibly refreshing and influential man… I want it. Perhaps Misaki’s judgment was accurate after all…”

I felt a strange, eerie glint in Rishu-san’s eyes. It’s a bit spooky!

“By the way, how many students were in the academy?”

“Hmm? It’s a small privately-run academy, so there were about five students at that time.”

“Five students… I see.”

Those children must have been surprised when their instructor suddenly collapsed. Their parents would be discussing it, and I’ll handle their follow-up. But having a small number of students is good news.

“Is there something wrong? Have you come up with something?”

“Let’s go with a Spartan approach. If five went down, then the next step is tenfold!”

The law of scaling up from small to large is an unchanging rule.

“Rishu-san, I may be an influencer with a large following, and speaking of influencers, there’s only one thing to do.”

“Oh?”

“A giveaway campaign.”

With a poker face, I raised my index finger.

---

[Himiyama PoV]

I let the hot shower run over my entire body, meticulously calming my mind. Once I returned home, I didn’t feel like doing anything right away. It took me a few hours to finally start moving.

When I was in the hospital room, I was sinking into the depths of despair, but now my heart was racing. It was beating uncontrollably, as if trying to burst out.

“…Could it be that I…”

I knew what this feeling was. But I was scared to acknowledge it, so I looked away.

When was the last time I cried so much? Trying to remember, I quickly realized. It was that day. When he couldn’t accept the letter I had for him, I cried until morning.

But the difference now was the warmth glowing in my chest. I embraced my body. It felt as though I had washed away the pent-up emotions along with my tears, leaving my heart feeling lighter.

Because Yukito-kun promised me. That he would definitely save me.

I clung desperately, shamelessly crying and exposing my pathetic side. Even so, I grabbed onto that hand.

Exiting the bathroom, I dried my body and blow-dried my hair. I couldn’t calm down unless I did something. I felt like I might be swallowed by the feelings I shouldn’t realize.

At that moment, my phone rang.

“Mikiya-san?”

Puzzled by an unexpected caller, I picked up the phone.

“‘Misaki? I heard you collapsed, are you okay? I heard you’ve been discharged and are back home now—'”

“Why does Mikiya-san know about that?”

An unexpected inquiry from someone who shouldn’t be aware. However, an unexpected answer followed.

“Oh. I asked him. He just came back a while ago. I’m relieved for now.”

“Him?”

There’s no connection whatsoever. My relationship with Mikiya-san had already ended. We hadn’t even been in contact for years. There was no intermediary acquaintance between us.

“Remember, I met him at your place. The guy who works with electricity.”

“Electricity? What does Mikiya-san— Wait, is it about Yukito-kun?”

Numerous questions arose. I couldn’t understand Mikiya-san’s words at all.

“Why is Mikiya-san with Yukito? When did you exchange contact information?”

“Hmm? Oh, you didn’t know? He’s currently staying at our inn. It’s like a family trip. With two beautiful women. When he got the call, he rushed out.”

“Wait. Mikiya-san’s inn is…”

I almost dropped my phone. Unbelievable. That’s absurd.

Because Mikiya-san’s inn, ‘Unabara,’ is in Kyoto. Even if he took the bullet train immediately after receiving the call, it would take more than three hours to get to the hospital. Come to think of it, Yukito apologized for being late. I was so happy that he came that I didn’t mind, but if those words meant exactly what he said, then Yukito is…

I want to deny it. I want you to deny it. Please, don’t tell me anything more, I beg you…

“He told me before he went to see you. I was invited too, but I had a consultation about a loan scheduled for today, so I turned down his invitation. He said to me then, ‘If you were asked which is more important, my work or you, what would you choose?'”

I could sense Mikiya-san chuckling. It was a common foolish question. Comparing incomparable things is meaningless, like asking which is bigger, height or weight. But if those were Yukito’s words, there must be an intention.

“In the end, I chose work again this time. Same as last time. I betrayed and abandoned you once again.”

“That’s too much…”

It was definitely too much of a leap. We are strangers now. Mikiya-san has nothing to do with it.

“If you have two things you want to protect, two precious things, you have to become strong enough to protect both. If you can’t do that, it’s something you don’t desire. He told me that. It’s a pathetic story, isn’t it? But watching him rush out to see you, I understood that this was what it meant. He cares about you, and he took action to protect something important. Anyone can say anything just with words, like I’m doing over this phone call.”

My whole body heated up. The feelings I thought I had washed away. But I couldn’t do such a thing.

“Mikiya-san is not at fault. Just contacting me like this makes me happy.”

“I couldn’t focus on work all day. I made continuous mistakes and got scolded by my mother.”

“Thank you for worrying. I’m sorry for causing trouble to Mikiya-san.”

“No, it’s not like that! It’s not about that! I’m the one who should apologize. Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I’m glad you seem well.”

I wonder if Mikiya-san is included in what Yukito-kun said. Who exactly is included in the apologies? ―― Even though I can only trust him.

“He’s a strange kid, huh?”

“Yukito-kun? Yes, he’s a little different.”

Mikiya-san muttered quietly. He’s quite different, but there’s no need to mention it.

“He might have many things he wants to protect. I don’t know. Why…”

“Mikiya-san?”

“Nothing, it’s my own story. Sorry. Well then, Misaki. I have an early day tomorrow.”

“I see. Well then.”

The call ends. What was Mikiya-san trying to say at the end?

The precious things Yukito-kun is trying to protect. There are many, and I might be among them.

“Could it be Mikiya-san too?”

There’s no way that’s true. And there’s no need for that. It’s too much for one person to bear alone.

But if I got involved with Yukito-kun, then Mikiya-san’s life might change involuntarily. He strangely has that kind of power.

“Just kidding.”

I collapse onto the bed. My body feels hot. My emotions are surging and I can’t contain them.

“Yukito-kun rushed to me for my sake…”

I mull over those words I’ve spoken. How difficult it must have been.

He immediately left a family trip behind, without any hesitation. The two beautiful women would likely be his mother, Ouka-san, and his sister, Yuri-san. It must have been an important time for the family.

Yet, he prioritized me. Even though I caused him so much suffering.

I recall being embraced in the hospital room. I felt a sense of relief in his sturdy chest.

For some reason, the hook of my bra had been undone, but Yukito-kun didn’t seem to notice, and neither did I. It was probably just an accidental touch that unhooked it. His skills were incredible.

“He was such a lovely boy… I’m despicable.”

I was already at my limit. When he held me, I felt it. Yukito-kun was a man.

“No… I shouldn’t take it seriously…”

I thought it. As a woman, I wanted to dedicate myself to him, body and soul. I wanted to surrender.

――I wanted to be held, yes. It’s an unpermitted desire. My body aches with it.

I somehow endured it, suppressed it, but hearing from Mikiya-san made it resurface. But, it couldn’t be helped. Anyone would fall for something like that.

I tried to avert my gaze, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to myself. If he were to ask for it, I would do anything for him. There are no taboos. A fallen woman.

“Yukito-kun… I’ve fallen in love with you for real.”

These words spill out of my mouth so easily. He’s a precious boy and a man I love.

Even so, I can still keep these feelings hidden in my heart. It would be a nuisance for him to be liked by someone like me, an older woman. It’s okay. I can continue to treat him the same as before—can I?

“I wonder if I can…”

I’m anxious. I don’t know what Yukito-kun might be planning. Even now, I love him so much. If the result of that changes my situation—…