Chapter 19: Unrequited.
Translated and Edited by: luccayn.
Common Honorifics:
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you’re close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it’s cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one’s older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.
Sorry for the weeks without a word from me. Here’s two chapters as an “I’m sorry” gift, and there’ll be more coming up soon.
Michiru’s POV
This again.
Like always, I’m the one left behind. I’m the only one just standing by, doing nothing in Shinji’s story. It’s truly maddening how I lack anything—a sweet poison to fill his heart or a bitter medicine to ease his pain.
I just followed my impulse to come down here whenever I felt like seeing him.
Yet, I couldn’t voice my wish to Shinji-kun, nor did I try to snatch him from Saori-chan. I was too scared to confront their earnest expressions, fearing that my own feelings hadn’t reached the boiling point of their emotions.
So, I just stood here, watching the tragedy unfold, shedding tears for a dramatic narrative that would never be part of my life.
I cried not because Shinji-kun would be taken away or Saori-chan would be engulfed in sorrow. It was because I felt like I was being flaunted what I didn’t possess right in front of me. It was a reminder of my own laziness and ugliness.
…Yes, I haven’t even been rejected. Perhaps, the moment I was asked, “Do you like Kou-kun?” it was already clear to them that I didn’t even understand what love truly is.
Being ignored hurts the most… Oh, I see. The words you told me when I conquered Kou-kun pierced my heart like a dagger.
“Ha, Michiru. I got rejected.”
“…Yeah.”
Saori, who had been trying to speak calmly, gradually contorted her cute, childish face into a grimace. Her eyes welled up, her voice quivering terribly. Yet, despite it, I noticed how no tears trickled down her face. Why couldn’t she cry?
“Why… why couldn’t I think to grow together? Back then, I thought I wanted to change myself for Shin-chan’s sake.”
“Sorry, I have no clue…”
“I tried so hard… I tried so hard… I gave my everything into this… So why…!?”
The reason became clear immediately. Saori-chan was serious.
Because she had tried so hard, given her all, and sacrificed everything to obtain him, she couldn’t accept this outcome. If she cried, it would all be over. If she found solace in tragedy, she would have to acknowledge herself.
So, Saori couldn’t let her tears fall. Even though she understood, she couldn’t accept it. Witnessing him overturn the class trial gave her hope in an improbable reversal. Her clinging to that illusory light was precisely her twisted nature.
…If it can’t end, it can’t begin.
Love truly is cruel.
“But… I-I once had him in my hands. Shin-chan was supposed to like me. Why… why couldn’t I believe that? Why… this…”
“Saori-chan.”
Did he know?
Surely, he knew he couldn’t kill Saori-chan’s feelings for him no matter what. That without someone other than themselves intervening, she would make the same mistake again. Affirming her unhappiness was never something a friend should do.
So…
“Wh-What…?”
I couldn’t think of anything to say in return. If I didn’t do it now, I might never have another chance to reach him. To tell him — I felt this in my gut.
“It’s fine now. Stop,” I sighed out, finally.
“Huh…?” She looked at me.
“It’s over, Saori.”
I understood why Shinji-kun started helping people so much.
“Uh…”
“You did really well.”
Watching Saori in pain felt like my heart was being torn apart. It hurt more to see her, who had tried so hard earnestly, crumble, than for my own inept and lazy self to be hurt.
“Ah… uh… I-I…”
“It’s okay, you can change.”
“Ugh… Mi… Michiru…”
I held Saori tightly as she clung to me, and she cried. It was truly childish and heartbreaking. I didn’t know the words to describe her now.
“I… I loved Shinji so much! B-but… but. I thought I wouldn’t be seen if it was just me!”
“Yeah.”
“So! I tried so hard! Ugh… I… I wanted to be Shinji’s support! I really tried my best! Ugh… I wanted to comfort Shinji, but I thought I couldn’t be weaker than him! So I even… even in high school!”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Why, why…! Why did I make a mistake? Why couldn’t I believe? Why, why! Why did I do such awful things!?”
Saori, looking up at me, wasn’t the composed, collected voice I heard on the phone. She had cast off all shame and dignity, clinging to me like a weak baby on the edge of a cliff.
“Sorry, I don’t know.”
Saori loved Shinji-kun that much.
I knew it was too heavy for me to say, but I wanted to comfort Saori. Because I believed this wasn’t a lie, I just gently stroked her head and hugged her tightly as she sobbed.
“Saori, you probably weren’t wrong.”
“Ugh… Ahh…”
A dark night with the moon hidden behind the clouds.
I silently chewed on my first unrequited love, unable to even fight, hoping Saori wouldn’t notice.
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