Chapter 83: Kneeling Together ②

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Translator: Soafp

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I stayed silent for a while.

Thinking back on it, ever since breaking up with Yuzuki, I had never seriously listened to what she wanted to say.

My mind had already been made up.

I figured that eventually she'd forget about me anyway.

(She really has changed compared to before.)

And for me, it was definitely a change for the better.

At the very least, she was nothing like the Yuzuki from that “nightmare.”

That much was certain.

Just hearing her talk with Nodoka in the other room earlier had made me realize that.

(Besides… the nausea's gotten a lot better too.)

I didn't know whether it was because Yuzuki had changed, or because my trauma had started to fade.

Of course, even now, if her face got too close, memories of the “nightmare” resurfaced and made me dizzy.

Still, at least now, I could hold a conversation with her.

I gave a small nod and finally spoke.

“Alright. Yuzuki, are you okay right now?”

“Eh? O-Of course I am…”

Her eyes were still red from crying while talking with Nodoka earlier.

She clearly hadn't fully sorted out her emotions yet, and part of me wondered if I should've waited longer before bringing this up.

Airi got off the bed and walked over beside Nodoka.

“Ren-kun, we'll go start preparing dinner then.”

“A-Ah, thanks.”

“And if you start feeling sick, don't push yourself, okay?”

“Yeah.”

Just as the two of them grabbed the doorknob to leave the room—

“U-Um… what do you mean by Ren feeling sick…?”

Yuzuki looked back and forth between me and Airi with a confused expression.

Airi let out an exasperated sigh before speaking.

“You don't know? About Ren-kun's trauma.”

“Eh…?”

“You really are dense. Ren-kun—”

“H-Hey, wait, Airi!”

I jumped up instinctively and covered Airi's mouth with my hand.

There was no way I could let her say something like that directly to Yuzuki.

That just seeing her face made me feel nauseous.

It was far too cruel to say to a girl's face.

(That's why I deliberately kept quiet about it.)

Even back during the training camp, when I actually threw up, I'd covered it up by saying my stomach felt bad or that I wasn't used to sudden exercise.

I didn't think there was any point in deliberately saying something hurtful and making her suffer even more.

“But Ren-kun, Kitayama-san deserves to know too.”

“No. I don't think she needs to know.”

It would only hurt her.

Knowing wouldn't help Yuzuki, and it certainly wouldn't help me either.

That was exactly why I stopped Airi, but she let out a dissatisfied sigh.

“Fine. If that's what Ren-kun wants, I won't say anything.”

“P-Please wait!”

Yuzuki bowed her head deeply.

“If it's something related to me, then please tell me. I think it's something I should know.”

“Ren-kun, if Kitayama-san is saying this much, then shouldn't you tell her?”

Was this really the right thing to do?

I stared directly at Yuzuki and spoke in a low voice, as if warning her.

“It'll only hurt you.”

“You don't need to worry about me. Just knowing that Ren cares enough to worry already makes me happy. So please… I'm really bad at reading the atmosphere. If people don't tell me things directly, I don't understand. No… even if they do tell me, maybe I still won't understand. But even so… please tell me properly.”

At last, Yuzuki ended up kneeling in front of me.

No, this wasn't how I wanted things to go…

As I awkwardly scratched the back of my head, Nodoka spoke up too.

“Ren, I think Yuzuki should know too. It'll be for her own sake.”

“…For her own sake?”

“Yeah. Think of it as a kind of punishment. You can only improve after properly being punished, right?”

I still had doubts about whether it would really work that way.

But all three of them were insisting I should tell her.

At that point, there wasn't much meaning in me stubbornly refusing alone.

“…Alright. Then I'll tell her myself. And Airi.”

“What?”

“…Trying to say it on your own like that earns you punishment later.”

I deliberately lowered my voice when I said it, but apparently that only excited Airi instead.

Her body trembled slightly, and a faint blush spread across her cheeks.

“Y-Yes… I've bought various things to make it easier for Master to punish me properly, so please use them…”

…

I had a feeling I'd never win against Airi when it came to turning everything into some kind of play.

---

After Nodoka and Airi left the room, Yuzuki and I sat side by side on the bed.

Then I calmly explained the symptoms of my trauma.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…”

Just as expected, Yuzuki burst into tears and apologized over and over again.

“And all this time, without even knowing, I kept trying to get close to you…”

“Well, that part isn't really your fault.”

“No. Even though we were childhood friends, I never noticed something this important… What was I even pretending to understand all this time…?”

Like a confession of sins, Yuzuki began listing her mistakes one after another.

Of course, it wasn't like she'd never apologized after the breakup before.

But this time was different.

These weren't the shallow apologies she used to repeat desperately just because she wanted things to go back to how they were.

“Even without that precognition of yours, it's only natural that someone like me would get dumped. Actually… all this time, you were the one sacrificing yourself for me, weren't you? I'm not even a woman worth being loved by you.”

“Don't put yourself down so much. If you say that, it makes the guy who fell for you and confessed look pathetic.”

I grabbed a few tissues and gently handed them to her.

Yuzuki accepted them, but instead of wiping her tears, she just stared down at them silently.

“Now that I think about it, it was always like this. I only ever received things from you, while I never did anything for you in return.”

“Well, it's not necessarily like—”

“No. I seriously can't think of a single thing I ever did for you. I always said I'd do anything for you, but in the end I never actually gave you anything. The confession, saying ‘I love you,' the kisses, s*x… you were always the one who initiated everything.”

That was true.

Yuzuki had been even more shy and inexperienced with romance than I was.

Though at the time, just seeing her happy had been enough to satisfy me, so I'd never really cared.

“I don't even deserve to use the tissues you gave me…”

“No, just use them. It'd be a waste otherwise.”

“…You're right. Someone like me doesn't even deserve to cry. I'll stop crying properly. I don't want Ren to think I'm an annoying woman anymore…”

I never said anything like that.

Apparently the guilt inside her had completely spiraled out of control.

The one thing I knew for certain was that Yuzuki's current mental state wasn't healthy at all.

(…Well, I guess it's partly my fault for treating her so coldly all this time.)

Honestly, I thought that if I kept pushing her away coldly enough, she'd eventually give up on me.

But the opposite happened.

The colder I became, the more attached she grew.

“Kitayama-san… do you still love me?”

“Y-Yeah… I love you a lot.”

“But honestly, I don't love you the way I used to anymore.”

“…!”

“And I've fallen for Nodoka and Airi too. So even if I ended up falling for you again someday, I have no intention of giving up my feelings for those two.”

I told her my feelings honestly, without hiding anything.

It was true that Yuzuki had changed from before.

But that didn't mean feelings that had once cooled off would magically return so easily.

“Yeah. Nodoka and Sugawara-senpai are both wonderful people, so that's only natural. I'm not expecting you to fall in love with me again or anything. Even I know that would be way too selfish.”

Still looking downward, Yuzuki continued quietly.

“I just want to stay by your side. But if even that only causes trouble for you… maybe it'd be better if I just didn't exist anymore. No… I should properly read the atmosphere and disappear, right?”

“What do you mean ‘disappear'? What are you thinking?”

“I won't cause trouble for you anymore.”

“You're not seriously thinking about killing yourself, are you?”

Yuzuki's body jerked violently.

She immediately shook her head awkwardly.

“N-No. I've never thought about anything like that.”

“That's a lie.”

“—!”

“Tell me honestly. You're my maid, right? Then obey my words.”

Her lips trembled slightly as she answered in a tiny voice.

“Because… I'm just a girl who hurts you and makes you suffer. There's really no other choice but for me to give up.”

“But giving up on life because of that—”

This wasn't just some empty threat.

I instinctively knew that.

Even without being an expert, it was obvious that Yuzuki was depressed—or at least dangerously close to that state.

Just like the Airi I'd seen in the “nightmare.”

(If she were really going to kill herself, surely I would've seen a dream about it…)

But right now, the warning signs were clearly there.

No matter what, I had to stop things from getting worse.

If Yuzuki's heart truly broke beyond repair, I'd never be able to face Ayumi-san again.

And I wouldn't be able to live with myself either.

“Kitayama-san. No… Yuzuki.”

“Eh? Y-You just called me Yuzuki…?”

“Yeah. Because you're my maid.”

Yuzuki broke into the brightest smile I'd seen from her in a long time.

I didn't expect her to be this happy.

“You said you wanted to stay by my side, right?”

“Y-Yes…”

“What kind of maid talks casually to her master?”

“S-Sorry. Yes, sir…”

“Then stay by my side at all times.”

“Eh? R-Really…?”

I nodded.

“From now on, Yuzuki, you're going to help me overcome my trauma. Keeping something like this forever would just be troublesome.”

“Y-Yes…! B-But I don't know whether someone like me—the very person who caused that trauma—can really be of any help…”

“You don't get to decide that. I do. Understood?”

“Y-Yes…!”

I deliberately stood up dramatically and walked over to her.

Then I tilted her chin upward and gave the order in a low voice.

“Starting today, you'll live at my house too.”