Chapter 5 | Monologue and Confession

Reading Settings

The only person who can understand themselves is themselves.

I thought that again after the Ria incident, and after Futaba’s overestimation of me.

I thought I knew Ria well.

I thought that Ria was not the kind of person who would betray others.

But Ria cheated on me and betrayed me.

And the “me” that Futaba thinks she knows is probably very different from reality.

“When I heard that Hiyori-chan—a little girl—was drowning, I didn’t think about saving her at all.”

“…Why is that?”

“It’s a very logical and cold-hearted reason. It’s not uncommon for people who try to save someone who has drowned in a river or the sea to end up drowning and dying themselves. I didn’t think about saving a child that I didn’t know, even at the risk of that.”

There is an endless amount of cases of parents dying when trying to save their drowning children.

“Actually, everyone who was at the scene didn’t try to help. Even Hiyori-chan’s parents just called the fire department for rescue.”

“But you did save her, didn’t you? Then—”

“It wasn’t my will. I just acted because I thought I’d be tormented by guilt if I just watched her die without doing anything. As a result, I just happened to find Hiyori-chan and was able to save her.”

That’s why I don’t talk about what happened last summer with others.

I didn’t save Hiyori-chan out of kindness.

“…Then, why did you start aiming to become a doctor?”

“That’s also kind of like atonement. If I had made the decision to save Hiyori-chan earlier, there was a possibility that she wouldn’t have been left with permanent damage.”

I’m just doing it because I have a guilty conscience.

“So, I’m not living a life that cherishes others like Futaba-san says. I’m just studying and aiming to become a doctor, because if I don’t, it feels like I’ll be consumed with self-loathing.”

“So… that’s how it was…”

Ideals and reality are often different.

Ria was an ideal girlfriend for me, but the reality was still different.

I don’t know exactly what kind of ideals Futaba was projecting onto me.

At least, in reality, I’m just a person who only acts out of self-preservation.

“Compared to me, Shō is a good guy. At that time, Shō was the first one who tried to go save her. But it was me who stopped him.”

“Wasn’t that because you were worried about him?”

“It’s more like I thought he was just going to die for nothing. Shō can’t swim at all. Even so, Shō tried to save Hiyori-chan.”

Me, who could swim but didn’t try to save her, and Shō, who couldn’t swim but tried to save her.

As a human being, which one is more right?

I was just lucky to be able to save her, and if I hadn’t been able to save Hiyori-chan’s life, it wouldn’t have been strange if I was being criticized by everyone.

“…I see…”

Futaba made a sad, indescribable face.

The me that Futaba fell in love with was someone other than me, a me that she had imagined on her own.

Her feelings for me had probably completely dissipated.

Futaba must definitely be regretting kissing me.

But, as for that, it’s not my fault.

It’s common to hear stories about how the person you liked turned out to be different from what you thought.

In the end, it’s because you think you know the other person, or you conveniently only see the good parts of the other person, that there’s a gap between your ideal and reality.

“…Shall we go back to everyone?”

“Hey, can I ask you just one thing?”

“What?”

“Do you know what kind of feelings I have for you right now?”

If I knew what kind of feelings the other person had, I wouldn’t be in such trouble.

If that was the case, I would be able to stay with the person I liked for life without being cheated on.

But, at the very least, I think that Futaba is disappointed in me.

Though, it’s my mistake that I had this illusion about me.

“Disappointment, maybe?”

“Fufu, that’s not it.”

So saying, Futaba wrapped my face with both of her hands.

“—No matter what you think about yourself, I like you.”

“…Eh?”

“Didn’t I say it? I like you, who lives your life caring for others.”

“I'm telling you, I’m not that kind of person…”

“Indeed, it’s common for others to misunderstand you when you didn’t intend for them to. And, you seem to think that I have a terrible misunderstanding, but I don’t think that’s the case.”

I thought that Futaba just didn’t want to admit her misunderstanding.

That she was just unable to turn back now, after she kissed me in a rush.

“You said that you were studying and aiming to become a doctor, even if it was just for show, because you felt guilty towards her, right? But originally, it shouldn’t just be you who should be carrying the burden of her, right?”

“…I’m the one who has to carry it. Hiyori-chan is because of me…”

“If there is any sin in not being able to save her, don’t you think that the other people who were there should have the same sin?”

“…”

“You’re feeling responsible and thinking about her more than anyone else. You are, without a doubt, the person I imagined.”

“…You’re overestimating me.”

Is this how blindly faithful people become when love is involved?

Love is blind, and this is exactly that.

“Anyway, what I wanted to say is that the feelings I have for you have not changed. Please, just don’t forget that.”

After saying that, Futaba gently let go of my cheeks and went back to everyone first.

“…How am I supposed to face them after being told something like that? It’s hard to go back to everyone…”

Today was a day where it was hard to go back home.

⭐︎

I followed after Futaba and returned to the room where everyone was, and I was surprised by the change in the situation.

That’s because Tanaka and Shō, and Suzuki and Satō, were now sitting in pairs.

What in the world happened while Futaba and I were gone…?

“Instead of just standing there, why don’t you be my partner?”

Futaba, who was sitting alone some distance away, turned her sharp gaze towards me.

Why did this happen, really…?

Was it a result of Tanaka and Suzuki’s fierce approach?

Both pairs seemed to be having a good time, and were immersed in their own little worlds.

There wasn’t any room for me to join in the conversation.

But, it was also hard to talk to Futaba.

It’s not that I hate Futaba or anything.

“…I think I’ll go home.”

“Asahioka, are you going home already? Isn’t it too early?”

It’s the way you guys are closing the distance with the girls that’s too early, Satō.

So this is the real social butterfly. We’re living in different worlds.

“Everyone is in a great mood, so… I’ll be going.”

“You don’t have to hold back, Shinse. You haven’t even sung one song, right?”

Judging from the situation, you guys haven’t sung a song either, right?

You came to karaoke, but you’ve only been talking, haven’t you?

“It’s bad to force Shō-kun to stop him, too~”

“Really? Megumi.”

You guys are calling each other by your first names already. Did you use magic or something?

While I was talking to Futaba, she only called me “you”, and I could only call her Futaba.

I remember how much trouble I had to go through after meeting Ria to get to the point where we called each other by our first names…

“But, well… that’s true. Asahioka might not be in the mood. I won’t force him to stay.”

Satō is considerate of me.

While Tanaka is obviously trying to eliminate an obstacle.

Satō, you’re truly a good guy.

“Aoi-kun, here, say ahh.”

“Oh, thank you… hehe…”

Don’t be so obviously infatuated, man.

“So, you’re going home. Then, I’ll go home too.”

Futaba stood up and walked towards me, who was near the door.

I want you to stop tagging along because I’m going home.

I’m going to be hated by Shō and the others later.

“Eh!? F-Futaba-chan, you’re going home too!? N-No way… won’t you stay here a little longer?”

“Don’t go home, Futaba. We were just getting to the fun part!”

Hey, you guys. You’re acting so differently from when I said I was going home.

You guys were lounging on the sofa when I said I was leaving, but as soon as Futaba said she was going home, you guys tried to stop her while raising your upper bodies.

Even if she is a beautiful girl, we are best friends, right?

Isn’t the difference in treatment too harsh?

Futaba, on the other hand, was still expressionless and was sending a cold gaze.

What does she intend to do?

I would prefer for her to stay here, but if Futaba really wants to go home, then I have no right to stop her…

If I stop myself from going home, then maybe Futaba wouldn’t go home either, but I want to go home now. It’s unbearable to just watch the four of them being lovey-dovey.

When I made eye contact with Futaba, she chuckled, pushed back the black hair that had fallen over her face as if it was annoying, and then opened her mouth.

“I’ve decided to have him take me home.”

“…Eh?”

So saying, Futaba conspicuously wrapped both of her arms around my arm.

The five of us, including myself except for Futaba, froze on the spot after seeing that scene.

“Hah…!?”

It was already too late when I realized that this girl had done it!

“…Shinse… since when…”

“Asahioka… w-what’s going on?”

Shō and Satō had a look of despair on their faces.

With that, it was confirmed that not only Shō, but also Satō, had feelings for Futaba.

Tanaka likes Shō, and Shō likes Futaba, and Futaba likes me.

Suzuki likes Satō, and Satō still has feelings for Futaba, and Futaba likes me.

A relationship that was way too complicated had been formed.

“…Did you betray us…?”

“I can’t forgive you…”

I thought that I was completely on the outside, but how did it come to this?

Our friendship is crumbling down…

And, wasn’t Shō supposed to be supporting my new love?

“Futaba-chan’s type is someone like Asahioka-kun!”

“Ohh! That’s unexpected~!”

On the other hand, Tanaka and Suzuki were looking happy at the development that they couldn’t have hoped for more where their powerful rival was gone. Their expressions were the complete opposite of the men sitting next to them.

“Hey, you’re not going to let me sleep tonight, right?”

“…Huh?”

“We kissed earlier, so now…”

“Wh-What do you think you’re saying in front of everyone!?”

This person just dropped an incredible bombshell!

“Oooiiii! Asahioka! What is the meaning of this!”

“Kiss…? Shinse and Futaba-chan…?”

Satō was enraged, and Shō was staring blankly into space.

“N-No, that’s wrong! Futaba-san did that against my will!”

“She kissed you against your will!?”

“I did it twice.”

“T-Twice…”

This is bad. If I stay here, Futaba might drop another bomb.

No, I think it’s already too late!

“Sorry! We’ll talk about this later!”

I left the karaoke with Futaba, who was still clinging to my arm.

---