“Oh… Is my son sick? No…. That can’t be…”
The appearance of my mother crying was burned into my eyes.
It seems that I, Hayato Kagurazaka, am defective. How can I get her to stop crying? Or should I pretend to be normal?
I was a child with no empathy nor concern for other people.
When my mother cried, I didn’t know why she was crying.
Even if my father scolded me, I didn’t know why he scolded me.
Even if my friends are laughing happily, I don’t know why it’s fun.
I was a child with no empathy nor concern for others. I was a defective product as I said earlier.
I thought it was normal, but it wasn’t. My classmates were spending time crying, laughing, fighting, with various facial expressions visible.
I can’t take a joke as a joke. Rather, I can’t understand the joke.
I accept them as facts even if they make fun of me.
We don’t talk to each other anymore.
There were times when I would lightly rebuke and I seriously hit them back with a joke of my own.
At some point, there were no more classmates who wanted to talk to me like that anymore.
I wanted to change. Even when my mother cried, it didn’t cause me any type of sadness. But when I thought about it rationally, I understood that it was my fault.
So I pretended to be cured.
“Mom, I’m off. I’m going to karaoke with my friends today, so I’ll be late.” (Hayato)
“Alright, have a good time” (Mother)
Mom was happy when I pretended to be a normal person.
I don’t know why she’s happy, but I keep lying to her to keep my life as smooth as possible. It’s the most rational thing to do.
At first, I made a lot of mistakes.
However, I learned about human emotions by reading manga.
The content of the manga was confusing, so I was only interested in the pictures.
The pictures were the only thing that interested me, ever again.
I would look at the manga and study the normal human emotions that were drawn. If I had time, I would draw pictures.
“Hayato! Good morning!” (Unknown)
“Oh, if it isn’t Kyoko-San! What a coincidence, right? Would you like to come to school with me?” (Hayato)
I responded to the greeting in a light tone of voice, as if I was being silly.
I’m sure I have made a good facial expression.
In high school, I try to imitate a very goofy character.
“You’ve always been laughing since you entered high school? Fufu, let’s go to school quickly!” (Kyoko)
“Well, it’s all thanks to you, Kyoko-san! But anyways, you look beautiful as usual today, don’t you?” (Hayato)
“You’re all over the place as usual! Why are you asking me that question? I’m not flattered! That’s what you say everyday to me……” (Kyoko)
I use honorifics to keep my distance, while maintaining a light smile and a frivolous impression.
It’s my way of doing things
But nothing in my heart interests me. I’m indifferent.
Still this is the smoothest way to go.
Kyoko-san is talking to me normally, but I can tell that she’s looking down on me.
But I don’t know why. It doesn’t matter as long as she comes to talk to me and if she doesn’t bother me.
I went to school with Kyoko-san, my childhood friend.
For some reason, I was good at studying.
I could store almost anything I saw in my memory in an instant.
When I told my parents about this, they were surprised, so I try not to tell anyone.
The classroom was noisy as usual today.
“Good morning, Hayato!” (Classmate 1)
“Oh, it’s Hayato, the day supervisor today!” (Classmate 2)
“Hey Hayato, let’s go to the store later!” (Classroom 3)
Classmates called out to me. This was unthinkable when I was a kid.
One of my classmates put his arm around my shoulder.
“Hayato, I’m looking forward to karaoke today! I’ve made all the reservations, let’s have some fun!” (Tetsuya)
At times like this…
“Hahaha, I’m looking forward to it too! I’m glad the girls are coming too.” (Hayato)
“Oh, that’s right! Our classmates are so cute! But, don’t you have Kyoko-san?” (Tetsuya)
I’m not sure what you mean by Kyoko-san being mine, but Tetsuya-kun is laughing, so I’m sure it wasn’t a wrong reply.
“Hey, Hayato! You went to school with Kyoko again?” (classmate 5)
The chairperson of the committee, Misuzu-San, called out to me.
“Yes we’re childhood friends” (Hayato)
“Ugh, now I’m going to go to school with you next time!” (Misuzu)
“Haha, Misuzu-San looks like the type to be a lonely person. Of course, we can go together.” (Hayato)
Misuzu-san twisted her bangs in embarrassment.
I made an effort. I watched the manga over and over again, trying to remember people’s emotions.
It was mentally painful to do something I wasn’t interested in, but I had no choice.
If I didn’t know what I was doing, so I thought I could make a template.
That’s why I’m having conversations, choosing my lines.
I spent a lot of time chatting with my classmates about nothing.
Because if I get in trouble, my mom will cry, right?
But even still, there were times when I felt the limits of my performance.
It was after school, when I happened to go back to the classroom to pick up something I forgot.
Kyoko-kun and Tetsuya were among them.
“To be honest, the way he laughs is disgusting.” (Kyoko)
“Kyoko, do you really like him?” (Tetsuya)
“No, he’s just a childhood friend. It’s super annoying. There’s no way I like him!” (Kyoko)
“It’s like he’s a fake. His eyes aren’t even smiling…….” (Kyoko)
“Well, it’s harmless, so let’s see what happens.” (Kyoko)
I didn’t think anything of it when I heard those words.
So, I walked into the classroom as normal and went to my seat to pick up my forgotten items.
My classmates were pale faced and tried to fix it, but I didn’t care.
I could see Kyoko’s pale face, but I smiled through it.
I know that everyone wears a mask.
Because I’m not interested in my classmates–
I have already been to karaoke. I’m not interested in singing, but I can just check out what’s popular and sing it on pitch. I don’t sing perfectly, I sing a little badly on purpose. It’s more popular that way.
I walked out of the karaoke room, pretending to use the restroom.
I ruminate on the student’s situation in my head and decide what I’m going to do in the future.
People don’t see you as clearly as you think they do.
Sometimes I get a response wrong, but it doesn’t cause any problems. I guess they think I’m a little strange and frivolous.
As I was using my phone, I check out a novel posting site.
In addition to manga, I regularly read novels to get an idea of what people are thinking.
This site is handy because it’s easy to read novels.
Yesterday, I sent in what I thought would be fan art.
I’ve always been interested in drawing. I’ve been drawing at home recently.
I used to copy comic books, but now I draw pictures from my imagination on things that only have words on them.
I thought it would be a good way to learn how to approach the human heart.
I found one of the authors in the rankings
As I am reading I draw very carefully about the relationships I don’t have interest in at all. There were many parts that I didn’t understand, but there was something that touched my heart
It’s not that I have good writing skills. But for some reason, I understood that the author put their heart and soul into writing it.
It was the first time I was interested in a novel that touched my heart.
I drew a picture of the boy who was the main character of the novel in my imagination and sent it to the author.
I wasn’t expecting a response
It’s just my own self-satisfaction. I’m not expecting a response, just my own self-satisfaction, but just being able to think that this person may have helped me grow a little.
Analyze the contents of…… novels,…… and learn more about human emotions,…….
There is nothing to be anxious about. I never feel sad. Because this is my daily life.
When I was about to go back to my room, I ran into a girl from my class in the hallway.
The girl was scurrying around, looking impatient for some reason.
It was Kaede Mitobe, I believe. She was a girl who was often alone.
She’s a student I’ve never talked to before. I wondered if Kyoko-San had invited her.
Mitobe took a deep breath and began to speak as if she were squeezing it out.
“U, um, Kagurazaka-kun, do you know…. where our classmates are at……?” (Mitobe)
Other classmates? I nodded my head. Then I looked at the room I rented
There was no one there
“What’s wrong?” (Mitobe)
“Haha, sorry I don’t know either” (Hayato)
I rented two large rooms. There was no one in either room
There was no ones belongings, and it was obvious that they had left.
So they left without us and went home……. What does this mean?
Well, it doesn’t really matter to me. Let’s go home quickly.
I picked up a slip of paper from my room and headed for the reception desk.
This is why I’ve been invited to karaoke……. and Kagurazaka-kun, to pay the…… money
A question popped into my head. A question popped into my head. I mean, was Mitobe being harassed? She was always alone, but she never seemed to be bullied.
Sometimes when I went out with my classmates, I would pay all the money together.
They just laughed and said, “Thank you!” was all they would say.
I thought that was normal. I didn’t particularly care about it.
Indeed, if you think about it, why do I have to pay for everything? And there was no need for Mitobe to pay.
……Let’s collect the money from our classmates tomorrow. Alright, that’s no problem.
“Eh…… uh, Kagurazaka-kun?” (Mitobe)
“Oh, excuse me lets go.” (Hayato)
The tone of her voice was a little too close to her true self. I regained my tone of voice and urged Mitobe to go.
After paying the bill, we left the karaoke bar.
Mitobe and I walked in silence.
Mitobe occasionally plays with her phone in silence. She looks very sad.
If I thought about it, I could understand why she was sad.
When I went to karaoke, which I was looking forward to, I was only responsible for paying. My classmates have returned without saying a word. I guess that’s what happened. There was no way I could confirm such a thing directly with Mitobe.
By the way, both Tetsuya-kun and Kyoko-san had bad things to say about Mitobe’s appearance.
“That pig is really dark, isn’t she? It’s no wonder she’s ugly. I mean, what’s the point of coming to school if you don’t have any friends?” (Kyoko)
“Being fat and ugly is the worst.” (Tetsuya)
I don’t know much about…… people’s looks, but it’s true that Mitobe is plump.
But she looks so healthy and pretty.
Mitobe said something.
“I don’t know what the meaning of…… life is anymore. I don’t want to go to school anymore……” (Mitobe)
I didn’t know what to say
There must have been a similar scene in that novel.
The main character at that time was…
“I’m here for you so don’t give up” (Hayato)
No, that’s the wrong line. It’s not the right line. What’s the right answer?
As I was twisting my head, Mitobe looked at me strangely.
“…Hey? Wow, it’s the same as the lines of my novel… Ah, I feel a little better. Eh!? Kagurazaka-kun!?” (Mitobe)
I grabbed Mitobe-san’s hand. To be exact, I grabbed it to see Mitobe’s smartphone.
“This is—” (Hayato)
“Wait, you’re too close……, this is my precious thing…… that I got from a fan. (Mitobe)
The wallpaper on her phone had a picture of the main character that I had drawn.
“It’s a picture I drew….” (Hayato)
From that point on, Mitobe and I sat on a park bench and talked for a while.
Mitobe, who doesn’t talk much at all, became very talkative.
I stopped being a frivolous character and started to speak with my true self.
Mitobe was laughing.
Apparently, I was laughing too
I thought I was not empathetic. I thought I was indifferent to people.
But this moment was different.
I felt like I understood… just a little…. what fun really was.
It was the same feeling I had when I was painting.
When I opened the door to the classroom, I saw that my classmates looked uncomfortable for some reason.
“Hey, Hayato! I’m sorry I left before you did the other day!” (Tetsuya)
“It was bad timing for you. Yes, but it was Hayato’s treat, wasn’t it? Thank you!” (Classmate 2)
“Hehe, you’re really sweet, Hayato” (classmate 3)
I ignored what they said and said what I was thinking about yesterday.
It’s not a line. It’s my own words.
“I paid it. Now give me the money back.” (Hayato)
“What? Huh, Hayato? You’ve always paid me without saying a word, haven’t you? Oh, yeah, that’s right……. I don’t have any money right now, so I’ll—”
I lost interest in Tetsuya and the others and looked at Mitobe.
For some reason, Mitobe was lying prostrate on her desk, her back trembling slightly.
“Yeah? Oh, that girl? She was writing a fantasy novel in her notebook, so…” (female classmate?)
“She said I was creepy.” (Female classmate 2?)
I spun my head at high speed to grasp the current situation.
The tattered notebook pasted on the blackboard. My classmates are laughing at it.
Mitobe was crying.
I looked at them and felt something welling up inside me.
….I’m sorry, Mom. I might make you cry again, but I’m sure……you will understand.
I approached the blackboard.
I can’t do my fake smile anymore.
For the first time, I encountered an event that I could not remain indifferent to.
“Oh, Hayato, ……? You’re scaring me…….” (classmate)
“Look, look, look at this creepy setting, oh…” (classmate)
I don’t understand the pain in my heart.
I don’t know what’s so funny about doing this.
The students at the blackboard turned blue and left.
I took the tattered notebook off the blackboard.
“…Stop messing around with her” (Hayato)
I said, and approached Mitobe’s seat.
Mitobe must have recognized me by my presence, because she looked up and was surprised to see me.
“……no, Kagurazaka-kun. You’re a popular person,….. and if you get involved with me, you’ll only make it—” (Mitobe)
“Popular? If it destroys my popularity, I don’t even want have it. But what I do know is that I want to see the continuation of the story that Mitoobe wrote. I’ve decided to get involved with you, so…” (Hayato)
Kaede Mitobe was the only person I could care about, even though I was indifferent to everything.
I was about to rub her back when I heard a voice behind me.
“Why are you supporting that girl? You’re my childhood friend, aren’t you! Come on, let’s have a chat! Don’t be like you were in the old days…….” (Kyoko)
Kyoko-san grabbed my arm.
I shook it off.
“A convenient childhood friend who only pays for you. …… You said that time. You said then that you didn’t like me because I was annoying. Then stay the hell away from me.” (Hayato)
I hurt my childhood friend with the same words she said. But the difference is that I don’t understand the pain.
My childhood friend was trembling.
“Eh…, that’s not what I meant…, I’m kidding…, I’m Hayato’s–” (Kyoko)
“You know what? A joke is a real thing to me.” (Hayato)
“Oh……, you’re not cured……” (Kyoko)
Cured……? That’s not true. I was just running away. It’s just that I didn’t face myself.
I’m not sure why my heart was in turmoil when I saw Mitobe crying.
That’s why… I…
I turned to Mizutobe and said my own words.
“I need you… I need you to be my first friend.” (Hayato)
Mitobe nodded with tears still in her eyes.
The air in the classroom was heavy, but it didn’t matter to me.
TL/ED – This was A LOT especially for a beginner like me this was time consuming but I’m liking it for now not much to say except a Emotionless Mc who isn’t like them ISEKAI Mc where they pretend to be “bad” or a “anti-hero” but yeah if there’s any mistakes or errors please comment them down below and also tell me your opinion on the novel for now but I hope you enjoy chapter 1 of the series :)