Chapter 52: Am I laughing properly?

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Translator: Soafp

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[Ruri PoV]

Renya woke up. I was really worried, and even though I didn't want to think about it, I was afraid that he might never wake up again. So I was happy, and relieved, that he did wake up.

But when I heard the first words Renya said after waking up, I couldn't help feeling confused.

“Ruri…?”

It was my name, one he used to call almost every day. But it had been a long time since he last called me that. I had hoped that someday he would call me by it again, but being called so unexpectedly, at a time like this, left me more confused than happy. And then he greeted me with a smile I hadn't seen in the past two years, which only made it worse.

Something was clearly wrong—Renya had lost his memory. Not all of it, but about the past two years.

Just imagining the same thing happening to me makes my skin crawl. Waking up to find that two years had passed would be disorienting enough, and being told that I had been living my life normally during that time would be downright terrifying.

Renya doesn't seem terrified. When he was told he had lost his memory, he just looked surprised, as if thinking, “That can happen?” Even so, he must be confused, and I want to help him as much as I can so he can live as normally as possible.

The reason Renya lost his memory lies with us, so supporting him is only natural. Hina and Takuma will probably feel the same way and try to help him too.

I'm grateful that he was saved, but it hurts—Renya getting injured and losing his memory is sad, painful, unbearable. I'm also angry at the person who was driving drunk. All these emotions are tangled together, and it makes me hate everything. But more than anything…

I hate myself for even briefly thinking that maybe it would be better if Renya's memory never came back.

Right now, Renya doesn't have any memories of the past two years. That means he doesn't remember the false groping accusation either, and his personality hasn't changed the way it did because of it. He talks with the same energy he had back then, so we can talk to him just like we used to. When the four of us childhood friends are together, it feels like we've gone back to the past.

What I wanted more than anything over the past two years is right here now. That makes me incredibly happy… and at the same time, incredibly painful.

I genuinely enjoy spending time as the four of us, and I'm sure Hina and Takuma do too. And probably Renya as well. But this relationship is a lie. The only reason we have this dynamic now is because Renya doesn't remember. Normally, he wouldn't be trying to gather the four of us together like this.

No one is lying, and yet this relationship feels fake—what kind of joke is that? Is this the punishment that was given to us?

If Renya suddenly regained his memories now, what would he think? Would he be angry at us for acting like nothing had happened? But he's the one inviting us out—should we really turn him down and say we've grown distant? And yet, going out of our way to explain the incident to him feels just as wrong…

I had longed for the day when the four of us could laugh together again. But now that that day has come, it's something fake—and yet not completely fake either. I don't know what the right answer is. Is there even such a thing as a right answer?

For now, we're able to enjoy being together as four. But eventually, the guilt might make this relationship unbearable, and we might be the ones who end up distancing ourselves from Renya.

I kept praying to go back to those days, even relying on the gods. That wish was, without a doubt, granted. But if a god truly granted this wish, then maybe it's some kind of mocking evil god. Or a god of judgment, punishing us. Or perhaps it's the monkey's paw, granting wishes in ways we never wanted.

I dreamed of a day when the four of us could laugh together again. And now, at least on the surface, we are laughing together.

…Are we really?

Am I truly able to smile?