Chapter 14: More Than Cause and Effect

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Translator: Soafp

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One year passes from the time I expel Nonoa until the results appear.

During that time, I once again check “Guide,” dig up my memories, and look back on everything so far.

That has become the routine over the past several loops.

Even after several hundred years have passed, I can recall things from long ago with surprising clarity.

Perhaps, in order to guide the Demon King to his death, my memories and this “Guide” are bound together by something strong—such thoughts cross my mind.

Phalan has already left the party, and Lena will be staying at the church for the next few days to nurse a priest who has fallen ill.

For a brief while, I am alone.

And where I head during that time is my family home, where my mother waits.

Returning home has become customary in recent cycles.

If I succeed in what I must do, my mother will be left alone.

To say that doesn't weigh on my mind would be a lie.

As for me, even though it is a repetition of a limited period, I have lived far longer than any ordinary person.

Many things happened, but it was a dense, fulfilling life—one richer than most people could ever experience.

So while there are things I will leave behind, I have no regrets about what has happened so far.

Even so, I feel strong resistance to telling my mother about the circumstances I carry.

And even if I did tell her, I don't know whether she would believe me.

More than anything else—

No matter that it is to drive the Demon King to his death, if she were to learn what her son offered as payment in his deal with Kuro, she might be deeply hurt.

That is why I do not intend to tell her about “Guide,” even after my death.

Keeping everything to myself—perhaps that is unfilial.

But I have no choice except to accept it.

Thinking about it that way, my life may have been one long chain of giving things up, of forcing myself to accept them.

Defeating the Demon King with my own hands in my father's stead.

Continuing to expel Nonoa.

Continuing to swear promises to Lena, knowing they cannot be kept.

Nothing ever goes the way I want it to.

The vow I made as a child—to guide the Demon King to his death.

Before that resolve, everything else fades away.

If I can kill the Demon King in exchange for what I have lost—then it is enough.

I have no lingering attachment to what I lost in order to fulfill the role given to me.

I recall the last words of my father, as told to me by my master.

“Do what you must do.”

That's right.

What matters is knowing what must be done.

And once you know it—to see it through to the very end.

---

“Welcome back, Erius.”

“I'm home, Mom. Here—this is a souvenir. It's not much, but…”

“Oh? What could it be?”

When she opened the small package I handed her, my mother's face filled with a mix of surprise and joy.

“…My, this!”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you, Erius… You remembered.”

What I brought as a souvenir was tea leaves grown in a neighboring country.

Before the black clouds covered the sky—before the Demon King appeared—these tea leaves were once cultivated in this country as well.

To me, who has known nothing but dim streets and skies even in daylight since birth, it doesn't really resonate.

But before the Demon King appeared, tea leaves were apparently this village's specialty.

The villagers often enjoyed tea in those days.

My father and mother, childhood friends who grew up in this village, met repeatedly in the tea fields that spread across it during their youth, married, and eventually I was born—or so I was told.

A child who until then barely helped with the family business suddenly declaring, “I'm going to take care of the tea leaves!” once they reached a certain age—that was a well-known joke among the villagers.

But because of the black clouds created by the Demon King, this country became perpetually dim even during the day, with drastically reduced sunlight, and tea no longer grew well.

The village lost its main industry of tea production, and the villagers lost their opportunities to drink tea.

Whenever my mother spoke of her memories with my father, they were often tied to tea.

“I'm sorry, I think we'll only be able to brew a few cups at most.”

“No, it's fine. It was expensive, wasn't it?”

She looked a little worried, but there was no point lying—she would see through it immediately—so I answered honestly.

“Somewhat. But I didn't overdo it.”

“Thank you, Erius. I never thought I'd be able to drink tea again. Let's have some right away.”

She took two cups out of the cupboard.

The cups my mother and… my father once used.

I have my father's sword as a keepsake, while my mother carefully keeps these cups as mementos.

She boiled water and brewed the tea.

“When I smell this aroma… it brings everything back.”

As the nostalgic scent rose with the steam, my mother immersed herself in her memories for a while.

When we finished our tea, she let out a satisfied sigh.

“Thank you for the meal. It was delicious.”

“I'm glad.”

“Since it's so precious, I'll save the remaining tea leaves.”

Here it comes.

At my mother's next words, I always find myself at a loss for a reply.

Even so, because I want to see her happy, I always bring tea as a souvenir.

“Shall I brew them next time… when you bring your bride home?”

Usually, all I could do was give a wry smile at those words.

But this time… I had rehearsed this exchange.

“It's fine if you drink them. After all… once the Demon King is dead, we can grow tea here again. I still can't really imagine having a wife, but… if that day ever comes, she can drink tea grown in this village.”

My mother looked at me for a while, then lowered her eyes and murmured,

“…That's true,”

and smiled.

“Do you remember Sasha…?”

At night, during dinner with my mother after so long.

Her question made my heart skip.

“Yeah, I remember her, but…”

Sasha is a girl who grew up with me in this village, one year younger than me… no, a woman now, I suppose.

After hundreds of loops, my sense of people's ages has become a bit confused.

After all, over these hundreds of years… or rather, perhaps I caught a glimpse of her only when I chose not to go on a journey and saw black text written in Guide?

I used to play with Sasha a lot when we were children.

But after I learned of my father's death and devoted myself to the sword, we barely interacted beyond exchanging greetings when we happened to meet.

A person of the opposite sex, the same generation, raised in the same village.

That was the extent of my awareness of her.

The reason I felt a jolt was because—

“Sasha got married, you know. She already has a child.”

“I see. I didn't know. If I had known… I would've bought something for her as well.”

That's right.

I didn't know.

What is this conversation…?

Something is strange.

In the past several loops, I visited my mother every time near my death.

The conversations we had then barely changed at all.

In particular, tonight should have centered on memories of my father.

Sasha's name has never come up before.

“It's a difficult world we live in… Sasha's family is struggling too. But she smiles and says it. That this child is her hope. That because this child exists, she can keep going.”

“…Yeah.”

“So, Erius, I… I…”

My mother lowered her face once, then raised it again.

Her expression was anxious, and yet, it looked like she was confessing a guilt born of remorse toward me.

“When I received the news that your father had died… do you remember the words I said to you?”

“Yeah.”

There was no way I could forget.

“I… I truly think your father was a wonderful man. He sacrificed himself to save so many people, so many lives. I wanted you to become strong and kind, just like your father. That feeling hasn't changed, even now.”

“Yeah.”

“But… I've been troubled ever since you left on your journey. And then… when I look at Sasha's child, I start to think.”

“…Think what?”

“That I… Erius, that I may have forced a way of life onto you. That in truth, you could have married normally, supported a family, been supported in return… and that I may have taken that happiness away from you…”

“….”

“That by imposing my ideals on you, I ended up making my son shoulder a painful life where he could see nothing but revenge…”

“….”

“That even though it should have been enough for you to grow into such a good son, one who even buys tea for his mother… I asked for too much from you. Even though I can't do anything for you at all…!”

At that point, perhaps unable to continue speaking, my mother's body began to tremble.

I gently took her hand, as if to steady her.

The hand that had always stroked my head whenever something happened.

When I really paid attention to it, it felt very small.

“There is something you can do, Mom. Actually, I came today because I wanted to ask you for a favor.”

“Eh? A favor?”

When I interjected, her expression shifted to surprise.

“Yeah, I'll talk about that later. More importantly—there's something important I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

“I'm… satisfied with the way I'm living now.”

“Erius…”

“Don't worry. I don't think even a little that you forced anything on me. The reason I want to kill the Demon King is simple.”

“What is it?”

“Because I respect Father and my master. And I'm sure the two of them didn't choose their way of life just so they'd be admired by me. Your words were certainly an important guide for me too, Mom, but saying I was driven by them would be wrong.”

“Wrong?”

I took my mother's hand again as she asked, nodded firmly, and told her my honest feelings.

“For me, it was guidance. Guidance that showed me the right path I should walk—just like the two of them did. I respect them because they lived out the path they believed in.”

“…Yes, that's true.”

The tension in her face eased, and my mother smiled.

Then, as if to cover up how shaken she had been earlier, she spoke in a slightly brighter voice.

“Then I suppose a bride is still a ways off. Isn't there a nice girl in your party?”

…This is awkward. I didn't expect the conversation to circle back here.

“There is. But two of them… no, right now it's one, but… both are more than I deserve.”

“Oh? Why only one?”

“We kind of had a falling-out. But… we're comrades. Always.”

“I see. Then you'll have to make up.”

“…Yeah.”

“What kind of girls are they? I want to hear about them.”

I thought for a moment at her question, looking back on everything so far…

“They're amazing. Hard workers, smart… and actually, Father…”

As I talked about Nonoa and Rena, the night quietly grew late.

On the road back to the city after finishing my business at home, I thought about why my mother had brought up such things.

In the end, I don't know the truth.

But… perhaps my mother had seen through something like my resolve.

The long cycle of repetition would probably end this time.

Once I returned to the city… before long, I would die.

I have already accepted my own death.

It is the result of the sins I committed within this repetition.

In truth, I would like to avoid it, but… I believe this fate is extremely rigid. Trying to forcibly avoid it might even lead to Nonoa failing to defeat the Demon King.

That's how it felt throughout these repetitions.

The defeat of the Demon King lies on a narrow, fragile path between overlapping causalities.

Stray even slightly, and it becomes a fate you cannot walk.

I know all too well that predetermined causality cannot be changed so easily.

That's why I think this.

Since my father's death, my mother has shown concern for me, but never weakness.

She probably kept her feelings locked away, thinking she would only get in my way, become a burden.

So why did she reveal feelings she would normally have kept hidden, even at the cost of bending causality that day…?

Perhaps it was because she sensed even the slightest change in me, and saw through it.

“That this is the end.”

She saw through my state of mind… and said those things.

That is my guess—no, even if it's nothing more than my selfish hope that it was so.

Yes.

All this time.

And even now, as I approach my end.

My mother has worried about me more than anyone else.

More strongly than any predetermined causality ever could.