Chapter 5: Heart. Right, it was the heart.

Reading Settings

Translator: Soafp

---

[Haruka PoV]

I thought college life would be more fun.

Since Toki-kun disappeared from the neighborhood, I have not been able to have fun in anything I do. I tried to participate in the college life I had envisioned, circle activities, and even going on blind dates, but nothing was fun.

I stopped getting involved with Kurosaki after the high school graduation ceremony. He followed me around, but I ignored all his advances.

He also spread bad gossip about me and Toki-kun. It was the truth and I had no choice.

I even tried going out with a guy I didn’t like just because he confessed his feelings for me. Every time he hugged me, I felt a hole opening in my heart. In the end, we broke up. Each time, my feelings for Toki-kun grew.

“Toki-kun…I want to see you.”

Of course, I am not the kind of person who can say such a thing.

But I do want to see him.

---

In the summer of my second year of high school, I was depressed because Toki-kun had rejected me the day before.

I thought I would be even more depressed if I stayed home, so I went shopping and happened to meet Kurosaki.

Seeing me depressed, Kurosaki invited me to a cafe. I usually didn’t talk about anything involving sexual matters, but I found myself complaining that day.

I had lost confidence in myself after Toki-kun rejected me.

After that, the day after I got rejected was the day I complained to Kurosaki. Is that why? I was invited to try it out and slept with Kurosaki.

I was getting more and more into it.

I had no idea that I had such shallow animalistic desires inside me.

On the outside, I was being satisfied by Toki-kun, but on the inside, Kurosaki was holding me.

This continued until White Day near graduation.

Last year’s White Day was marshmallows. I knew what they meant, but Toki-kun would never look up such things, so I thought he probably gave them to me because they looked delicious, and I ate them happily.

But this year’s White Day was a handkerchief. Toki-kun probably has no idea what it means, but I got really scared and declared to Kurosaki that I would not do it again.

My college life was about to begin. I was going to devote myself to Toki-kun, that’s what I thought.

Until that day at the graduation ceremony.

The meaning of White Day was no mistake at all.

---

“I guess our hearts didn’t communicate huh…”

What did I want to do? I always thought I would be with Toki-kun. From the winter of our sophomore year in high school…Toki-kun had always known.

If only he had told me then…no, Toki-kun was concerned about Seiji. And maybe even me. Because Narimiya’s family is strong around here. He held out for a long time for the path that would not cause the most angles.

I fell in love with Toki-kun who could sacrifice himself for others.

And yet, what a stupid thing I had done.

I hadn’t really thought about why Toki-kun was rejecting me. I knew about his trauma, but I didn’t think about it properly.

Every time he rejected me, I felt depressed because he didn’t like me that much.

I see. I was burying the heart of Toki-kun’s rejection using Kurosaki.

………That’s just an excuse.

The spring break before I moved up to the second year of high school. I look at a photo of the two of us at the zoo.

“The two of us looking happy……”

The way Toki-kun looked at me and smiled was just as I remembered it from the past.

I compared it with the picture of the festival in my senior year of high school.

“Why, he really loved me!”

Looking back, I think at one point I saw his face contort a little when I crossed my arms. When I mispronounced his name, I had a reassuring smile on my face… that was Valentine’s Day of my sophomore year in high school…..

I didn’t see anything. I didn’t even try to look properly. I was an idiot. A really big fool. ……

Heart. Right, it was the heart.

I knew I couldn’t hold him with a broken heart… because it would be bad for me…

And yet I have done it someone else, and made his trauma even worse.

I can’t believe I realize that now…

“Toki-kun…… sorry.”

Tears drop onto Toki-kun’s phone in my hand.

The proof of my sin still remained on it.

---