Chapter 1: I decided to disappear

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Translator: Soafp

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“Am I really happy?”

From the outside, I must look like it—a beautiful wife, a cute five-year-old son, and our own home.

Anyone would call it the perfect family.

But inside, I'm empty. The reason is simple: three years ago I discovered my wife's affair.

Back then, like a fool, I didn't notice a thing. Always buried in work, traveling constantly on business trips.

The only reason I even found out was because one of her friends happened to see her going into a hotel with the guy.
Before she could be exposed, she confessed to me herself.
Pathetic.

It was a bolt from the blue. When I got home from work, she fell to her knees, crying and apologizing.

When I asked, “Why did you cheat?” she only wept, “It's my fault,” over and over, not giving any real answer.

Trying not to wake our child, we spent the whole night talking, until finally she blurted out:

“Because you were always at work… I was lonely.”

Such a selfish reason.

Of course, I was furious.

I took time off work, summoned the man, called her parents, and had them take care of our son.

The affair partner was her boss at the company. He admitted the affair had been going on for six months.

As soon as he arrived at our house, he dropped to his knees and confessed.

“I knew Fumika was married. But I couldn't resist my feelings for her.”

“You're not to blame, Section Chief Yamaguchi. It's my fault for not refusing you properly…”

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If he was her boss, of course he knew she was married.

And having feelings is one thing, but to actually act on them? And for my wife to go along with it?

“You're a mother,” I muttered after hearing their excuses. Idiots like these had destroyed my family.

“I'll pay compensation. You can even report me to the company.”

The man spoke with apparent sincerity.

He was single, had a decent position and income.

But so what?

I could never forgive him.

“I'll leave the rest to my lawyer.”

“Understood. I'm truly sorry.”

At that point, I had no more words. More than anger, what I felt was despair.

“L… lawyer?”

“Of course—divorce.”

“Please! Anything but that!”

When she heard the word divorce, my wife broke down sobbing.

If she hated it so much, why did she cheat?

I realized she was a creature beyond my comprehension.

After sending the man away, I next spoke with her parents.

“Please, forgive her! Don't divorce her! You're the only one she loves!”

I listened to her recite the cliché lines.

How could she say she loved me, yet sleep with another man?

My parents lived far away, so I phoned them.

They told me to do as I wished—

“Just don't do something you'll regret.” they added.

Her parents begged me to forgive her. They were utterly soft.

Who in the world can forgive betrayal so easily, right then and there? Forgiveness is the victim's choice, not something outsiders should push.

We'd always gotten along well, but now I saw them as monsters, just like her.

I demanded 1.5 million yen in damages from the man. He paid the next day. But that was the extent of his punishment.

In reality, no one loses their job over infidelity. His position at the company remained intact.

“For the sake of your child…”

Her parents started using my son as a shield.

It was cowardly.

But they adored their grandson, and didn't want to sadden him.

“Fine. But as a matter of principle, we have to divorce first. That's the condition if Fumika and I are to keep living together.”

“For how long?”

“I don't know. Until I'm satisfied. Then I'll consider reconciliation. That's my biggest compromise.”

I was exhausted.

I no longer cared about “going back to the way things were.”

It wasn't forgiveness.

Seeing my wife on her knees and her parents bowing, my will to curse them ran out.

In the end, I was the only loser.

Her wealthy parents insisted on paying off the mortgage of our house as an apology.

I refused, of course.

But they forced it on me anyway, “for our grandchild's sake.”

My wife quit her job and became a full-time housewife.

She had worked there for six years since graduating, but after having an affair at her company, she couldn't bear the stares anymore.

Even now, I come home from work.

It's 7 p.m.

Since the affair, I've lost motivation, and my standing in the company has dwindled to a dead-end desk job.

Once you're out of the promotion race, you never get back in.

I enter the house in silence.

I don't want to hear her “Welcome home.”

Back when she was cheating, our son was at her parents' place.

Coming home to an empty house…

Now her “Welcome home” only tears open those old wounds.

“I see…”

I hear her voice down the hall. She's on the phone.

“Yeah, our son's staying with my parents tonight…”

So he's at their place.

Honestly, that's better for him than being in this cold house with us.

“No, I don't see it as enduring anything. This is my punishment…”

Punishment?

If that's punishment, then I've been punished for nothing all along.

“…Yeah. Talk again soon. Take care, Ryo… Yamaguchi-san.”

“What…?”

Did she just say Yamaguchi? Ryoji Yamaguchi?

Why is she still in touch with him?

I never banned contact.

I didn't even bother with restraining orders or rules.

It all seemed too tedious.

But even so—during our so-called “reconciliation”?

“What the hell have I been doing?”

Before I knew it, I was at the convenience store.

Seems I'd walked straight out of the house.

“For now…”

I bought cigarettes and a lighter. I'd quit when we married, but since I can't drink, I had no other outlet for the stress crushing me.

“Cough…”

I lit one at the smoking area nearby. The smoke stung my throat, the bitterness filled my mouth. What did I ever find enjoyable about this?

“Sigh…”

My head spun.

Still, maybe it calmed the blood boiling in me—or maybe I just imagined it.

“What am I even…?”

I lit a second one. What the hell was I doing with my life?

I'd forced myself to keep going, to smother my heart. No wonder my wife—no, my ex-wife, technically—grew tired of this futureless life.

“Alright…”

I stubbed out the cigarette and left the smoking area.

Only one thing left to do: leave no regrets.

“I'm home.”

I called out brightly. A small thing, but necessary for what came next.

“…W-welcome back.”

She looked at me, startled.

No need to be so afraid.

“Hm?”

“What is it?”

“You smell… like smoke.”

Ah. My suit must've picked up the odor.

“I tried one again after a long time. Still didn't taste good.”

“I see…”

Right, she never liked cigarettes.

“I won't smoke around you again.”

“You don't have to force yourself. I don't mind the smoke.”

“No, it's fine.”

Compared to everything else, quitting was nothing.

She looked exhausted.

What kind of face had she worn while on the phone earlier?

No matter.

“It starts now.”

“Huh?”

“From here on.”

She looked puzzled.

That was fine.

“I'll be taking my unused vacation days.”

“Vacation?”

“Yeah. No point letting them go to waste.”

I'd built up plenty over the years.
Might as well use them.

“I want to spend my time slowly.”

“With… with me?”

“Of course.”

She smiled.

It was that simple.

After that, I used my vacation days.

We went on our first family trip in three years, went shopping together, enjoyed our days.

I made use of every spare moment.

Preparing.

Two months passed.

“Dear…”

“What is it?”

“Thank you…”

She smiled beside me. We'd been sharing a room again for the past two months. We hadn't resumed marital relations, but watching her smile until she fell asleep had become my nightly ritual.

“It's okay now.”

“…Yes.”

I gently stroked her cheek. Our son was once again staying with her parents.

“They said, ‘We shouldn't disturb the two of you,' remember?”

Her sleeping face.

She's only 31.

I'm 33.

Our son is just five.

“You can start over. You're beautiful, still young.”

I turned off the lamp and left the bedroom. Quickly changed clothes, placed the letter I had prepared on the table, and stepped out of the house.

“Thanks for coming!”

“Sorry to keep you waiting.”

I got into my friend's car, arriving exactly on time.

There was almost nothing of mine left in that house. I had already disposed of it all. My beloved car, my racing bike, my fishing gear—I'd given everything away to friends.

The false life was over. I was seeking freedom.

She no longer had to endure punishment. Her parents could now dote on their grandchild without worrying about me.

And my son?

He'd be fine with his mother and grandparents.

No more holding back.

“I'm sure her boyfriend will comfort her.”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing.”

I smiled at my friend.