Chapter 3: Last Part

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Translator: Soafp

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How many years has it been since I last visited Rio’s house? At least since junior high school, I haven’t been there once, so it’s been over three years.

And this time, I’m not going to hang out; I’m going to persuade Rio, who’s holed up in her room. It’s not just a matter of feeling heavy-hearted.

“Even before that, there’s a possibility that she won’t even talk to me…”

Anyway…

I was standing in front of Rio’s room now.

“Now, I’ve made it to Rio’s room, but what should I do from here?”

Actually, Auntie let me through to the room quite easily. Even though we’re childhood friends, I haven’t been here for several years, and Rio is in a tough situation now.

Well, maybe that’s why she entrusted me with this. Leaving us alone like this might be her way of trying to save Rio, believing that it might help her.

But that’s also a heavy burden.

“Really, why did things end up like this…”

I’m not particularly used to or good at dealing with this kind of situation.

“No use complaining about it here…”

Muttering to myself, I take several deep breaths to gather my courage.

After giving my cheeks a light slap, I steel myself and knock on Rio’s door.

“Rio, are you awake? It’s me, Sou…”

No response. I knock again to check and wait for a while, but still, there was no answer.

“Eh? Is she sleeping…?”

If she’s sleeping, maybe it’s better to come back another time.

As I thought about it, at that moment…

“…I’m awake…”

A weak voice came from behind the door.

“Rio? Um, sorry for coming so suddenly?”

“Yeah…”

“Talking like this after so long is rare, isn’t it? Since junior high school, right?”

“Yeah…”

Rio responds in a whispering voice, as if barely able to muster the strength to speak.

She seems to be listening to me, but doesn’t seem inclined to meet face to face.

Ideally, I’d like to gauge her reaction while looking at her face, but that might be asking too much.

For now, just having her listen to me is enough.

“So, I came here today because I heard about Rio from Haruaki.”

“……..”

I hear Rio’s breath. It’s a reaction like a gasp, as if surprised by my words.

“I think there’s still a lot to sort out in your mind, but at least show your face to Auntie. She was really worried, you know?”

“Well, Sou-chan…”

And here, for the first time, Rio showed a reaction other than nodding.

Using “chan” to address me, a nostalgic way of speaking that hasn’t changed since we were kids.

“How much did you hear from Haruaki…?”

“I heard… that you’re pregnant. And that Haruaki is the father.”

“I see…”

“And then, I also heard that you two had slept together once before. Rio, did you confess your feelings to Haruaki? I didn’t know that. Rio, you liked Haruaki? No wonder I would be turned down if I confessed.”

“That’s…!”

Suddenly, Rio raised her voice. It’s a stark contrast to her earlier quiet tone.

But then, she quickly quieted down again and continued speaking.

“…It’s a bit different. It’s true that I liked Haruaki, but after being turned down, I didn’t think about it that much. It’s still the same now.”

“So, you just couldn’t see me as a man back then? You said you couldn’t see me as the opposite sex.”

“Yeah. At that time, I still felt that way…”

“Still…?”

As I asked, intrigued by her choice of words, Rio threw a different question at me.

“Sou-chan, do you still… like me?”

“That’s…”

I involuntarily falter.

Can I casually say whether I like her or not right now? Rio is already in such an unstable state—what might push her over the edge, I can’t predict.

As I ponder this, a despondent voice comes from beyond the door, “Right…”

“Being a girl who ended up pregnant after sleeping with a guy she doesn’t even like… that’s awful, right?”

“Well, that’s not… I mean, is it really that important whether I like you or not? Anyway, you don’t see me as a guy at all.”

“No, that’s not it…”

And then.

Unexpectedly, Rio’s response unsettles me.

“Eh… ‘No, that’s not it’… What do you mean…?”

“──It means I like Sou-chan as a boy.”

At first, I thought I must be hallucinating.

Because that’s just not possible.

Rio having feelings for me?

In my confusion, Rio, with a voice lacking vigor, says,

“It’s unbelievable, right? Rejecting your confession before and then suddenly saying I like you…”

“Yeah… well…”

“But it’s true, you know? When I said I couldn’t see you as a boy back then, it wasn’t a lie. But gradually, I started to care about you more… and before I knew it, I had feelings for you…”

—I also couldn’t believe it at first, and kept denying it over and over.

Listening to Rio speak haltingly, I remain silent.

“I actually wanted to confess to you much earlier. But I didn’t know how to face you now… so even when I met you, I couldn’t even look you in the eye properly… and that’s why…”

“You talked to Haruaki about it…?”

When I ask, Rio affirms with a feeble voice, “Yeah…”

“I thought Haruaki-kun would be a good person to talk to since he’s close to you…”

“But why did you end up sleeping with Haruaki…? Even though you like me, you slept with another guy.”

“Because… because…!”

Suddenly, I hear the sound of dripping water. No, this is probably the sound of tears. Rio is crying.

As I realize this, Rio shouts out at the top of her lungs.

“…Because I was lonely!”

Feeling almost overwhelmed by her near-shriek, I step back.

“I wanted to talk to you so badly, but I didn’t know how to approach you… you were avoiding me too, and I didn’t know what to do anymore. I was so lonely, I wanted someone to comfort me!”

“…But even so, why didn’t you use protection—”

“I know! I know! I know I did something stupid! But at that time, I couldn’t think about that! I just thought if I could be embraced by someone I used to like, maybe my feelings would calm down a bit!”

“Rio…”

“Sou-chan… Sou-chan… Why did you come to see me now? I didn’t want to talk to you like this… I didn’t want to see you…”

Ah… I finally understand.

The meaning behind what Haruaki said back then.

So, what Haruaki meant by saying, “She’s shut herself in because she doesn’t want to see Sou. But deep down, she does want to,” was this.

I thought it would have been better if Haruaki had just told her straight. But maybe he thought it wouldn’t mean anything unless Rio confessed directly. He did mention that he couldn’t say it himself.

Haruaki might have thought that subtly mediating between Rio and me could change the situation somewhat, but since I never talked to Haruaki about how I felt about Rio and the rejection was still a fresh wound, he probably thought it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring us together hastily.

Well, in the end, it backfired completely.

“This wasn’t supposed to happen… I wanted to confess to you properly… My head’s all messed up… That’s why I didn’t want to see you… Now that you know I’m pregnant, I don’t know what to do anymore…!”

As Rio continues to speak, her words mixed with tears, I gently lean against the door.

Even I, a bit dense, can understand. Despite what she’s saying, she must have wanted me to come. Otherwise, there’s no reason for us to be having this conversation—I wouldn’t be here if she didn’t want me to come.

That’s why there’s something I have to say.

Because Rio confessed her feelings to me, there are words I have to say in return.

“Hey, Rio… Rio’s feelings make me genuinely happy. I mean, a girl who rejected my confession once now says she likes me—how could I not be happy about that? But…”

I say.

It might seem heartless, but even so, I have to say it.

“I’m sorry. I can’t reciprocate Rio’s feelings.”

“Sou-chan…”

I hear Rio sobbing. It hurts, almost like a crushing weight on my chest.

Being rejected hurts, but I never expected rejecting someone to hurt this much.

But I have to endure it. There’s something I have to say—words I still need to convey.

“Rio, listen carefully. There’s someone more important to you now than me, right?”

“You mean… the baby…?”

“Yeah.”

“But, but, it’s not a wanted child! What I really want is… your…”

“Even so!”

I forcefully interrupt Rio’s words.

That’s something I must never let her say—something I can’t let her say.

“Even so, Rio needs to prioritize her own body and the baby. Because Rio’s already a parent.”

There was a moment of silence. I can still hear Rio sobbing, but she doesn’t attempt to speak.

And then, after a while, Rio slowly opens her mouth.

“Sou-chan… Are you telling me to have the baby? Are you asking me to take responsibility…?”

No, it’s not. It is up to Rio and Haruaki to decide whether or not to have the baby, and it is not my place to interfere. Besides, I don’t necessarily think that giving birth always means taking responsibility. If both of you carefully consider it and choose for an abortion, then that’s also a way of taking responsibility in my opinion.”

“…Even if you say that, I still don’t understand. I don’t know if it’s better to give birth or not.”

“Well, decide that together from now on, with Haruaki. Not just Haruaki, but Uncle and Aunt, and Haruaki’s parents too. It’s okay… Rio isn’t alone. So, you don’t have to bear it alone. You can rely on the people around you more.”

“So, does that mean you too, Sou-chan…?”

“Of course, I’ll also be there to help. Because…”

Saying this, I leaned my forehead against the door.

Hoping that my feelings would somehow get through.

“Because we’re childhood friends.”

Even though we grew distant at one point,

Even though we rejected each other’s confessions.

Still, our relationship as childhood friends hasn’t changed, and it doesn’t give me a reason not to help Rio.

Even if it means hurting myself in the process.

But, I have to endure it.

There’s something I have to say to Rio…

“If I hadn’t gotten pregnant, would you have dated me, Sou-chan…?”

Rio asked, facing my back.

Rio – with her slightly reddish hair, always worrying about her unruly curls. A girl with a charming face like a cat, with cute overlapping teeth that peek out when she smiles, and she interacts cheerfully with everyone.

And she’s my precious childhood friend.

If I turn around, I would see my childhood friend.

But I don’t turn around.

Not just because my hair is probably a mess, and I probably have dark circles under my eyes, and I don’t want her to see me like this, but also because…

If I turn around now, we’ll both be ruined.

We’ll probably just end up licking each other’s wounds, falling into a co-dependent relationship.

But…

“It’s already late… it’s too late, Rio──”

This, I draw the line at.

This, I absolutely cannot cross.

“I see… You’re right…”

I can hear Rio’s voice from behind.

In a tearful, poignant tone.

“…It’s too late, isn’t it…”

“──────!”

Before I could reply, I sprinted away with all my might.

Without ever looking back at Rio.

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“Haa… Haa… Haa…”

How long had I been running for?

Suddenly, I realized I had come all the way to the bridge underpass near the embankment.

Breathing heavily. Short of oxygen. My breaths were ragged.

Is it really?

Is it my heart that’s out of order, not my breath?

“Why…!”

I slammed my hand against the wall as if taking it out on it. And then, I let my upper body sink down, leaning into it.

In the dim light under the bridge during twilight, in this desolate place with no one around, I muttered to myself.

“Why are you saying those things now…!”

When I was just about to give up.

I was finally giving up…!

“Why… Why…”

With my hands still pressed against the wall, I knelt on the ground, head hanging low.

What should I have done? If I hadn’t given up and confessed again, could I have been with Rio?

But in that case, I would have ended up dating Rio without knowing about her physical relationship with Haruaki. Is that really okay?

But at the very least, Rio might not have become pregnant. Even if I had been told about Rio’s relationship with Haruaki, I might have still dated Rio.

Because even now, I still like Rio.

But even if…

Even if…

Rio is already pregnant.

Maybe she’ll completely cut ties with Haruaki and raise the child with Uncle and Aunt, but there’s no room for me to step in there. There just isn’t.

Because ultimately, Rio and I are just childhood friends.

In other words, from beginning to end, it’s utterly…

It’s already too late…

“Ugh… Ugh…”

Tears overflowed endlessly. Trailing down my cheeks to my neck, the tears were chilled by the winter air, making it so cold. My cheeks felt so hot, yet my body felt as if it had turned to ice.

And yet…

And yet…

This passion, which had lost its outlet, refused to cool no matter how much time passed.

End