Chapter 2: I wanted to believe in Airi.

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Translator: Soafp

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Ever since the day she came back from her hometown.

She had started checking her phone more often.

On the surface, she spent time with me just like any other couple. We'd make time for each other, go on dates, visit each other's apartments, and share time together as lovers.

But during those moments, there were times when she'd glance at her phone, just for a second.

Of course, even before that, there were plenty of times she looked at her phone while we were hanging out.

But now, the way Airi checked her phone felt different—like she was eagerly waiting for something, or like she didn't want me to know. That kind of vibe.

If it was just my imagination, then fine. Maybe I was just being overly sensitive because of what she'd told me. Maybe nothing had actually changed. If that were true, that would be the best outcome.

But after watching Airi through three years of high school and spending more than two years as her boyfriend… I just couldn't bring myself to believe it was all in my head.

There was no doubt—Airi was checking her phone more, and she didn't want me to know what it was about.

“You've been looking at your phone a lot lately… is something going on?”

One day, I finally asked her. Honestly, I didn't expect a proper answer.

But I couldn't keep it to myself anymore. My heart was—unsettled.

“Really…? I've been looking at it that much?”

“Enough that it's made me notice.”

At that, her eyes flickered, and she let out a quiet sigh.

“I see… Sorry. I shouldn't be on my phone when we're together like this.”

“It's okay, really. I'm just curious about the reason.”

I wanted to know why she was so focused on her phone.

Even if the truth would end up hurting me, I'd rather know than live in ignorance.

“Um…”

“…Is it something hard to tell me?”

Seeing her hesitate, I couldn't help but feel a sinking sensation in my chest.

I could already guess what kind of thing would be hard for her to say.

“Is it from Hiiragi?”

So I asked plainly.

Because it was the only thing that came to mind.

“…Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't know how to bring it up.”

“So… you're saying you've been having conversations with him that you need to apologize to me for?”

“That's not it!”

Airi immediately raised her voice at my question. Her sudden outburst actually startled me more than anything.

“Ah… sorry for yelling. But I want you to believe me—there's nothing going on between me and Kenta. Our messages are just between childhood friends… I was just listening to him talk about getting dumped. I can even show you the message history if you want.”

Without waiting for my reply, Airi opened her messaging app and showed me her conversation with Hiiragi.

And sure enough, it was just the two of them chatting—Hiiragi wallowing after being dumped, and Airi responding like a concerned friend. There was nothing in there that looked like cheating.

“It's just… you already know about me and Kenta, so it felt awkward bringing it up…”

“I see. Still, I'd rather you not hold back and just be open about that stuff.”

“Yeah… I'm sorry, okay?”

Airi looked downcast.

But I didn't want to make her look like that. I didn't want to be the reason for that expression.

I wanted Airi to keep smiling. But because of my own insecurity—because I couldn't fully trust her—I'd made her look like this.

That realization filled me with regret.

“I'm the one who should apologize.”

And with that, I ended the conversation.

I chose to trust Airi.

After that, Airi still occasionally went back to her hometown to hang out with her high school friends. But the only time she forgot to tell me she was coming back was that once. Ever since then, she always messaged me.

And when she came back to her apartment, she'd tell me all about what she did, who she saw, what they talked about. That had always been her way—telling me everything even if nothing special happened. She always seemed happy sharing those stories.

Since that day, Airi hadn't mentioned Hiiragi at all. I figured she was doing that on purpose. Before, his name would occasionally come up in passing. But now, even that stopped.

She was probably being considerate—not wanting to make me feel uneasy.

“Let's go out on Christmas Eve.”

“Yeah, sounds good… Want to go out for dinner?”

“If we're eating out, I should make a reservation…”

We chatted and made plans for how we'd spend Christmas together.

At the time, Airi seemed genuinely happy, and I had no reason to doubt that we'd be together for the holiday.

But then—

“Sorry… I have to go back to my parents' place. I think I'll be back on Christmas Eve, but just in case, can you cancel the restaurant reservation?”

“Is it something important?”

“My grandma's being hospitalized, so I'm going to visit her.”

“I see… well, that can't be helped. Got it.”

“It's just a precautionary checkup, so it's not serious. I'll come back right after visiting.”

I was disappointed that our plans fell through, but it wasn't like we couldn't spend any time together. And if her grandma was in the hospital, of course Airi would be worried.

So, even though I was a little let down, I saw her off to her hometown.

After she left, I started getting Airi's Christmas present ready.

It was a necklace she had shown interest in when we were out together. I had it gift-wrapped and tucked it away in my bag.

Just imagining Airi smiling when she received it made me smile too.

At that moment, I wasn't thinking about Hiiragi at all. I was completely elated.

[Is 2 o'clock at the station okay to meet?]

The day before Christmas Eve, I sent that message to Airi. She replied with a sticker that showed her agreement.

I wondered how she was spending her time now. I hoped her grandma was doing okay. I thought about what I should wear tomorrow, how we should spend the day.

But all that excitement—all those thoughts—were crushed by a single message.

A single message that struck at my deepest fear. A message that forced me to confront a reality I didn't want to accept.

[Hey, are you still dating Ooga-san?]

It was from a friend from high school. He went to a local university and still lived in our hometown. We had been close, but we hadn't talked much since I moved away for college.

Since Airi and I had started dating after graduation, it wasn't unusual for some of our high school friends not to know.

[Yeah. We're still together.]

[Oh… really? I saw her and Hiiragi walking around town together today, so I thought maybe they'd finally gotten together.]

Airi and Hiiragi… together?

What the hell is that? She hadn't said a word about it.

[They probably just ran into each other and walked a bit.]

[If you're dating her, I guess that makes sense. Sorry for bothering you with this.]

[No, it's fine. Thanks.]

Yeah. They must've just happened to run into each other. That's all it was.

Airi didn't go home just to see Hiiragi. She went because her grandma was in the hospital…

—Really? Was that really the truth?

What about all those other times she said she was going back to see friends? Was she actually going to see Hiiragi?

Airi had loved Hiiragi since they were kids. Even when he had a girlfriend, her feelings didn't change.

I know what it's like—to keep loving someone even when you know it might never work out. The pain, the frustration, the suffocating feeling. And the warmth in your chest that won't go away, no matter what.

I know that all too well.

Airi might have truly given up once. Maybe that's why she chose me.

But what if a chance suddenly appeared before her—a chance to finally make her long-held feelings come true?

What if the boy she once loved, now heartbroken after a breakup, stood in front of her?

What if he relied on her, showed his vulnerability, and was within arm's reach?

How would Airi's heart react? Would it be stirred by Hiiragi again?

And if Airi’s feelings did sway—what would Hiiragi think? What would he feel? What would he do?

And me… what would I…?

I called Airi. It was already past midnight.

Normally, she would have been asleep by then—she was the kind of person who rarely woke up once she fell asleep.

So even if she didn't answer, that would be understandable. She'd be asleep. Of course she wouldn't be able to pick up.

That's what I kept telling myself. But my body moved on its own, and sure enough, she didn't answer.

In a way, I felt relieved. I even let out a sigh of relief.

She's asleep. It's normal that she didn't answer. That has to be it.

…But even so, to doubt Airi like this. I told myself I would trust her. And yet, my heart is still so weak.

Even though I felt relieved, my chest was tight, and my stomach twisted in pain.

—I should sleep. Just sleep and try to recover.

Blaming it all on poor health, I forced myself into bed and closed my eyes.

Of course—I could hardly sleep at all.

---

“Sorry I couldn't answer the phone. I was asleep.”

The next morning, I got that message from Airi.

I forced myself to accept it and started getting ready to go out.

I hadn't slept at all and felt sluggish. By now, it was already close to noon.

If I got ready now and left, I'd arrive around the time we agreed to meet at the station.

I didn't feel like eating lunch. I couldn't stomach anything.

So I just drank some water and left the house.

Airi usually returned my calls with a call of her own.

Of course, not always—sometimes it would be a text. Today just happened to be one of those days.

So I swallowed down the storm of emotions inside me and made my way to the bench near the station.

It was nearly two o'clock—our meeting time.

Once Airi arrived, we'd go home to drop off her things, then head out together.

Maybe it was early, but I'd even brought her present. I was all ready.

Airi… I hope you get here soon—

I watched the people pass by. Sitting on a bench in the plaza near the station, I blew warm breath onto my frozen hands.

Beside me was the gift I'd prepared for her.

Most likely, a gift that would never be given.

The meeting time had long since passed. The sun had set, and the city was glowing with multicolored lights.
Couples walked hand in hand, deepening their bonds on this Christmas Eve.

And yet here I was—alone.

That was my answer.

Almost three years I'd spent as Airi's boyfriend.

Over ten years she'd spent with Hiiragi.

The answer to that imbalance was delivered to the version of me who had been giddy about spending Christmas with her.

There had been no message from Airi.

I had tried contacting her, but she didn't respond.

I kept watching the people exiting the station, but Airi never came out.

Where was she?

What was she doing?

Who was she with—on this day she was supposed to spend with me?

—I just wanted a message. Even a single word.

If she'd given me that, I might have been able to give up gracefully.

I pictured Airi spending Christmas Eve with Hiiragi instead of me.

A thick, dark feeling welled up in my chest. My empty stomach twisted and screamed in pain.

I had believed in Airi. I had wanted to believe in her.

No, even now… even now, part of me still believes in her.

But the reality was—she wasn't here.

“…Guess I should head home.”

I muttered to no one, my voice barely audible.

My body, completely frozen, creaked as I stood—like a tin robot in need of oil.

“Oh… I guess I'll take this with me, at least.”

I picked up the present lying next to me.

The one I might never give to her.

Looking at the gift I'd imagined her smiling over made me unbearably sad now.

I started to walk.

Having eaten nothing since morning, I felt weak. My body was chilled to the core, as if it had forgotten how to move.

That only made me feel more miserable, and I tilted my head upward to hold back tears.

The sky, glowing with dazzling illumination, had no stars in sight.

Despite all the light, it was pitch-black—like it was trying to suck in my heart.

I couldn't even walk properly, so looking up was a bad idea.

Of course I'd lose my balance if I did that. Anyone could have predicted it.

So this was my own fault.

I stumbled, lost my footing—and stepped out onto the road.

The blare of a car horn pierced my ears.

The blinding glare of LED headlights filled my vision.

“No—ahh! AAAAAHHHH—!!”

And then—I heard it.

Somewhere, I heard the scream of the one I loved.

That was my final memory…

…of that Christmas Eve.