Recently, my brother has been coming home late. Even on weekdays, he sometimes comes home after the sun goes down. Even on vacations, he goes out somewhere in the morning and is rarely home.
When I asked him where he was going, all he said was that he was going to a friend’s house. I asked Ruri and the others, but they didn’t know where he was going. At least it doesn’t seem like he is going out with hisclassmates.
When I told my parents about it, they said they couldn’t say anything strongly because of what happened in the past. At least it doesn’t seem like he’s started hanging out with the wrong people…
The food I eat in silence is awful and tasteless. My parents still came home late at night, probably because they were busy with work, and my brother didn’t come home either. I was used to eating alone, but he was still at home. Now I was the only one in the house.
I couldn’t stand the silence, so I turned on the TV, and the only sounds I could hear were the sounds I was making, which strongly reminded me that I was alone.
My brother often stays in his room when he is home, so his view is the same as usual. But now, the house is bigger and more eerie than usual.
The days when the four of us ate together as a family seem terribly distant. I had been feeling depressed about my family because of my rebellion, and I didn’t realize how precious those days were. When was the last time the four of us had dinner together, laughing and smiling? I can’t remember.
Important things are not realized until they are lost. This is a common saying, but I feel it deeply now. I can’t help but want to get back the days that I felt so neglected at the time.
In the past, when I was eating, I used to see my brother, father, and mother. But now I can’t see any of them, even though I’m sitting in the same seat.
As I sat in my chair after finishing my meal, all I could hear was the sound of the TV.
I wondered if my brother would nod if I asked him to stay home because I was worried about him. I have a feeling that he would say, “Even if I stay home, I’ll just stay in my room, so it’ll be the same as before.”
“I’m lonely… Onii-chan…”
My words disappeared without reaching anyone’s ears.
Today, too, my voice did not reach anyone.