“Studying, exercising, and housework, for whom are you doing it all for?” (Yuri)
The moonlight was shining on my sister. The fragile silhouette of the reflection was as sacred as the mythical Artemis, and was simply beautiful.
I couldn’t gauge the intent of the question, so I just gave the obvious answer.
“Well……, it’s just for me?” (Yuki)
I’m not sure what she’s trying to say, but I’m not good enough to read her intentions. When I think about it, I’ve never really been able to understand anything, so I guess I can’t blame her. I’m a thoughtful person. It’s impossible for a diminutive like me to guess what’s in her heart.
“Is there anything else?” (Yuki)
“Yes. There is, you don’t trust anyone anymore. No, I don’t think so. You don’t need anyone anymore. You don’t expect anything from anyone, and you don’t want anything from anyone. So you just try to do everything yourself.” (Yuri)
That may be true, if you ask me. But there’s something I don’t understand.
“Is there a problem with that……?” (Yuki)
“Whenever someone asks you for something, they’ve always betrayed you. You’ve come to take it for granted and have come to accept it as normal. I know there is nothing I can do about it. But I just can’t watch it anymore!” (Yuri)
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen my sister’s sad face. She has apologized to me several times in the past. I’m sorry for making her feel that way. In fact, I didn’t mind at all, and the fault was with me for causing trouble, not my sister. In fact, it is I who should apologize. When I tell her that, her expression, which is always sad, gets even more distorted.
I was helpless. There was nothing I could do. I didn’t want her to look like that. She said that I stopped smiling, but she also stopped smiling. At least, until that day, she had a smile that I could admire. I wanted her to smile. I wanted to see her smile like that.
I didn’t even know what to do. Should I have been angry and rejected her? Or should I have cursed and abused her? If that’s the case, I don’t think I can do that.
“I asked you before. What are you going to do after graduation? You didn’t give me a concrete answer. And yet, you’re always studying hard. Why? Is there something you want to pursue in the future?” (Yuri)
“It’s so that I don’t get in trouble.……” (Yuki)
“It’s the same with nails. You learn and practice what I just told you. Why is that?” (Yuri)
“? Because it’s the only thing I can do.” (Yuki)
That’s all I can say. I’ve always been a nuisance to my family, both at school and at home. Especially in my sister’s case, she goes to the same school. I’m sure she’s had more than one or two bad experiences because of me.
“I don’t think it bothers me or mom. We know that saying…… won’t get the message across. Because the fact is, we do–” (Yuri)
Her expression twisted in frustration, and her clenched fist slapped the surface of the water.
“But I want you to notice something. You don’t want anything from anyone, but you want someone to respond to you. Don’t you think that’s very unfair?” (Yuri)
My sister is approaching me. The distance between us is reduced to zero, and I can see her breasts right in front of me. They are huge. Her hand is gently placed on my forehead and lifts my hair.
“I can’t get rid of that scar.” (Yuri)
“I’m sorry to show you something so unsightly.” (Yuki)
“As long as you continue to forgive me, I will never forgive myself.” (Yuri)
Her fingers delicately and gently stroked the wound, as if she were touching a piece of glass that was about to break. There was a scar about two centimeters long on my hairline. It was a scar from when I had been pushed off the playground equipment.
“It’s not noticeable. It’s fine.” (Yuki)
“That’s not what I meant! Because you’re like that, I’m……. Yukito, listen to me. I don’t care what you do to me. I’ll do whatever you want.” (Yuri)
“So, can I touch your breasts?” (Yuki)
“Go ahead.” (Yuri)
“I misspoke.” (Yuki)
I was immediately answered. Of course, I didn’t mean it. It was just something I couldn’t help but say. It can’t be helped! It’s right in front of me, you know? I’ve been trying to look away from it for a while now, but I can’t take my eyes off it. Threatening suction power. It’s the chest area. This is what is commonly known as magical power.……
“-Even now, aren’t you actually planning to disappear from our presence?” (Yuri)
“No, I’m not.” (Yuki)
It is thanks to Sekka-san that I have managed to survive despite my misfortune. I am grateful to her, and I don’t want to die anymore. I’m sure that’s how I’ll continue to live my life. But maybe that’s not what she meant by disappearing.
“I have a feeling. You’ll be gone. Because you want to be alone and you know that anyone other than yourself will hurt you. And you know you’re going to hurt someone else.” (Yuri)
“That’s all right then.” (Yuki)
Sharp words that gutted me. No matter what I do, I can’t respond to anyone’s feelings. Then, what should I do? If I wanted someone to be happy, and if they wanted me to be happy, there was only one option left for me.
My sister sags down as she touches the wound. Her moist eyes waver. They are jet black, as deep as obsidian. We are in a hot spring. I don’t want to talk about weight with women because it’s strictly forbidden, but I can directly feel the body heat of her burning body.
If you know so much, why do you keep trying to reach out to me? The hand that once pushed me away. And now…
“—Hey, tell me. The truth. What happened that day. What happened after. I tried to kill you, and now you’re gone. It’s not forgivable. An apology isn’t going to cut it. But I’ve been wondering. When you called me, you said—” (Yuri)
Nothing changes, even if I search for answers in the sludge that accumulates in the depths of my memory. Everything is just the past.
My sister regrets it. Even now, she continues to regret it. I’m sure that the reason why she sneaks into my room at night when I’m sleeping is because she regrets what happened that day, and not for any other reason.
–She’s already suffered enough. That’s enough. That’s why I kept forgiving her. It’s not your fault. You’re not bad. It’s my fault, it’s my—fault. There’s nothing else. There is no such thing as the answer you are looking for.
Even now, she continues to regret it. You can find a lot of things that you can do to make your life easier.
–She’s already suffered enough. That’s enough. That’s why I kept forgiving her. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s my fault, it’s my fault. There’s nothing else. There is no truth that you are looking for.
“Could it be that someone abducted you?” (Yuri)
A doubt I’ve had for a long time. My brother is the only one who knows about it.
Even if that were the case, it would not make my sins any lighter. But perhaps it can be made heavier, if not lighter. Another sin I have committed.
I was too afraid to even touch it.
On the surface, there is no such thing as a case. My brother himself had denied the possibility.
At the time, he replied
I was playing on the playground equipment by myself, and I fell down. I was trying to go home, but I got lost.
My name was not called. I kept my mouth shut. My brother protected me when I tried to kill him. So the only people who knew the truth were our family members. But there was something I didn’t know either. What happened to my brother after I pushed him that day? Six blank days.
I tried to kill my brother, and then he was gone. It wasn’t until nearly a week later that I reunited with my badly injured and vanished brother. He was still alive, but the cost was too great.
Scars that would last a lifetime. He no longer smiled and stopped calling me Nee-san. And he apologized to me for not being able to disappear. No matter how many times I apologized, no matter how much I asked for a punishment, my brother continues to forgive me. He never blames me or gets angry.
My brother was found in a neighboring town. The town we live in is reasonably large. The distance between us and the next town was not something that my little brother, who was seriously injured, could walk to. The place where he was found was also not a place where a child would be alone.
So why was he there?
I wanted to believe that nothing had happened. In fact, my brother answered that nothing had happened. Still, it was probably just my skepticism that made me wonder if something had happened. Perhaps it is just an illusion that I am showing myself, as I want to be punished.
Still, I couldn’t shake it off.
My brother never lies. He is a good, honest boy. He is cute.
But that only means that he doesn’t lie for his own reasons. If it was for someone else, if it was to protect someone else, he would lie without hesitation. He hides the truth and paints everything with fiction. As a result, he doesn’t care how much he gets hurt.
He is self-punishing to the point of being willing to sacrifice himself.
It was only recently that I realized this.
That’s why the suspicion that had been hanging over me for a long time, and that I had tried to believe was impossible, came to my mind once again.
–The possibility that he had been abducted by someone else.