TL: Sponsored chapter. I want to thank Voraguard again for donating. Enjoy
I may be being bullied by my classmates.
I’m in trouble. When did I become a target of bullying? In the morning, before homeroom, Suzurikawa suddenly collapsed. I tried to take her to the infirmary, but that was supposed to be the job of the health committee.
The health committee was supposed to be in charge of this. I don’t want to it but my classmates were all asking me to carry her. I was worried about Suzurikawa too, but I couldn’t take away their work as health committee members, so I held back. But to ask me to do something like that, that’s just neglect of duty!
Well, it’s true that I was worried, so I can’t say that I’m happy about this, but I also feel unconvinced. Bullying, no, no, no, no. According to the school nurse, Hinagi Suzurikawa was simply sleep deprived.
In addition, I was told, “You don’t sleep well either, do you? Why don’t you take a break while you’re at it?” (Nurse)
I couldn’t sleep next to her, so I sat down on a chair next to the bed.
As far as I know, Suzurikawa is a serious student. She is not the type of person who stays up late knowing that she has school. I wondered what had happened and what she had been doing. I hope she didn’t have a bad relationship with her Senpai.
Even though it’s irrelevant now, I don’t want to see her like this. Gently, I pat her head. As I looked at her face, I felt myself getting sleepy. Damn you, Mom! But that feeling is …… oops, that’s not good. It’s not safe to go any further.
I wonder why we are so much alike. …… As I thought this, my consciousness gradually fell asleep.
[Hinagi Suzurikawa PoV]
“…… hmm ……, is this ……? (Suzurikawa)
White ceiling and white walls. When I woke up, I found myself in an unfamiliar room. I felt a slight weight on my stomach and moved my gaze. There was a…
” Yukito……?” (Suzurikawa)
Yukito was asleep, his body was resting on the edge of the bed. Gradually, I recalled what happend. Yes, I collapsed in the classroom in the morning,……, so is this the infirmary? If Yukito is beside me, does that mean he carried me here? I wonder if he was worried about me. …… I’d be happy if he was. I feel a little bit relieved.
Then I remembered the scene I had seen before I collapsed. The way he was hugging Kamishiro-san in the classroom. What was going on? Why were they doing that? The answers to my questions have been there from the beginning. But my feelings did not want to admit it.
“Huh. …… You’re awake, Suzurikawa. (Yuki)
Yukito woke up. He rubs his eyes. I think I collapsed from lack of sleep, but he also has large dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep. I wondered what had happened to him. Could it have something to do with the fact that he didn’t see my message?
“You brought me here ……, didn’t you? Thank you.” (Suzurikawa)
“It’s unusual for you to be sleep-deprived, isn’t it? What’s wrong?” (Yuki)
“It’s your fault. What’s wrong with you, Yukito?” (Suzurikawa)
“Yeah, I’m having a little trouble breaking free from my electronic slavery.” (Yuki)
I was reminded of myself from yesterday, the painful time I spent holding my phone and just waiting, a slave to electronics.
Could it be that yesterday, Yukitowas also wondering whether to open my message or not? What he said earlier must be true then. That’s why Yukito is so sleep-deprived!
“Damn it, I’m so stupid” (Suzurikawa)
“No, after all, even if you think about it, there is no answer.” (Yuki)
“There is an answer. I’ve got the answer.” (Suzurikawa)
The atmosphere is a little different and softer than usual. I wonder if it’s because he’s worried about me. I wondered how long it had been since we had been like this, almost two years. It’s been so long and painful that I can’t believe it.
Before that, we used to be able to talk like this all the time. Now, I can only speak at times like this. So, I can’t let this opportunity pass me by!
“What were you doing with Kamishiro-san in the morning?” (Suzurikawa)
“Oh, that. Taking care of a big baby is hard work. I can’t imagine how hard it must be for the mother.” (Yuki)
“What does that even mean?” (Suzurikawa)
“Hmm? Doesn’t mean much more than that though, does it?” (Yuki)
I stared at the Yukito’s face. It certainly doesn’t mean anything more than that, that’s what his face tells me. He is the same, as usual. I don’t feel any other intentions there.
There was no hint of guilt or anything. That was strange, but at that time I was so relieved by the fact that nothing was wrong that I didn’t notice it.
“I see. It’s okay then.” (Suzurikawa)
“It’s not good. I don’t want to be a dad yet.” (Yuki)
“Dad!? What are you trying to do?” (Suzurikawa)
The fact that this was the infirmary made the conversation somewhat embarrassing. But as usual, the man in front of me seemed unconcerned. He didn’t seem bothered by anything.
But now was not the time for me to be worrying about that. I might not get another chance like this. If I didn’t tell him now, the day when I could tell him might never come. Driven by such frustration, I spoke the words I had been wanting to say for a long time, but I was unable to say it.
“There’s something I want you to hear.” (Suzurikawa)
“Are you thirsty? I’ll get you a sports drink.” (Yuki)
“No, no. No, that’s not it. I know this isn’t the best time to tell you this, but I think it’s the only chance I have.” (Suzurikawa)
“What is it?” (Yuki)
I straighten my posture. I have to say it. I can’t go forward unless I say it.
“I’m not going out with Senpai anymore. We broke up right away.” (Suzurikawa)
“What? No, wait a minute. When do you mean right away?” (Yuki)
“We’d been together for about two weeks.” (Suzurikawa)
“No, no, wait, what? That has to be a lie. I call it fake news.” (Yuki)
Yukito is upset. Yukito had distanced himself from me because I was going out with a senior. So I was hoping that now we could go back to the way we were, that we could start over as childhood friends.
“It’s my fault for not telling you! But I hate it when I can’t talk to Yukito anymore. Can we go back? Let’s go back to being childhood friends like we were back then!” (Suzurikawa)
“I’ve always liked you too, Yukito. I’ve loved you since we were little! When Yukito confessed his love to me, I was happy. I wanted to answer him right away! But–” (Suzurikawa)
I spit out the words with all my might and looked directly at Yukito’s face. I was at a loss for words there. The look on his face makes it impossible for me to say another word. His mood had changed completely. He became cold, like a Noh mask. Our bond might not be the same anymore.
“There’s no way I can go back. I didn’t think you were such a liar.” (Yuki)
They say that when you’re sick, you feel weak, and I guess that’s exactly what happened to Suzurikawa’s mental state. When I’m depressed, I can’t help but show a weakness that doesn’t usually show up.
When I catch a cold, I don’t say much either. My sister even said to me, “You look more sane when you’re sick.” I thought about what Suzurikawa had said. It was all very puzzling to me why she would say such a thing now.
“First of all, I can’t go back to being childhood friends with you now.” (Yuki)
“But why? Why can’t we go back how it used to be?” (Suzurikawa)
“Because it’s going to be the same thing over and over again. You break up with your senpai and become childhood friends with me again. If you start dating someone again, will you break up with him again? It’s nonsense to repeat such a thing every time. As long as I’m your childhood friend, I’ll only be a hindrance to you.” (Yuki)
It must be hard to repeat that. Childhood friendships are a rare kind of relationship. To others, the relationship may seem strong and special.
That’s why it was troublesome. If you have a childhood friend of the opposite sex, the relationship and the distance inevitably becomes a hindrance to dating someone else.
“And you’ve always liked me? What would be the point of such a lie? Didn’t you go out with him because you liked him? Or did you go out with him even though you didn’t like him?” (Yuki)
“No! I’m not lying, I’m not lying!” (Suzurikawa)
There is no doubt that Suzurikawa is lying to me. If she really liked me for a long time, why was she going out with her senpai?
Suzurikawa, who had been in a relationship with her senpai and had been in love with him for a long time, said that she had always been in love with me, which sounded like a false story. If it was after they broke up, I could understand, but if she said that she had always loved me, it didn’t sound believable.
Did you have feelings for both of us from the start?
That’s not possible. I was definitely rejected and heartbroken at that time.
“Suzurikawa, I can’t trust anyone who lies to me. They are not worthy of trust. That’s all I can say. Go back to sleep. I’m going back to class.” (Yuki)
“If you guys are going to have a shouting match, can you take it outside?” (Doctor)
I bowed to the half-eyed, dumbfounded health doctor and headed back to class.
I thought I could smell the scent of medication on my back and hear Suzurikawa sobbing.
[Hinagi Suzurikawa PoV ]
I could only watch in shock as he walked away. I felt that I had finally caught a glimpse of his true thoughts. What Yukito said is correct. A deep sadness washes over me at my own sinfulness. There’s nothing I can do. –What should I do?
He called me a liar. He’s right, the lies I told him made him suffer and made me suffer too. It was easy to correct the lie, but I was afraid to reveal my true feelings about why I had lied.
My own ugly heart. Self-preservation, testing others, hurting only others while keeping myself safe. If only I had been honest with myself, if only I had waited a little longer, none of this would have happened.
At that time, I was in a hurry. Yukito is very popular. Although he didn’t realize it, he was more mature than anyone else around him, mature in every way. He was dependable, kind, smart, and athletic. There was no way he could not be popular.
Even his occasional odd behavior, absurd words and actions were a charm that made it hard to leave him alone. I knew many girls who liked my childhood friend who had an unusual charm. The only reason they hadn’t confessed to Yukito was because I was there.
That’s why I pretended……
I am the worst. Ugly, jealous and disgusting.
When the rumor spread that I had gone out with a senpai, other girls immediately approached him. One of them would be Shiori Kamishiro. But Yukito started to devote himself to club activities. He didn’t care about his surroundings at that time.
By that time, I had been caught in a web of lies, enforced by my own malice, it had become irreversible.
If I revealed this ugly truth, people would surely hate me. That’s why I’ve come this far without saying anything. I didn’t have the courage, and I wasn’t prepared. And now, I was condemned as a liar.
Still, I had to say it. I had to take just one more step. Finally, I understood clearly. If I wanted to start all over again, I had to make Yukito hate me!
I have to admit all my ugliness to him, or I can’t go back.
“I’m sorry.……” (Suzurikawa)
This is the last time I’m going to apologize.
So, hate me, and let’s start over again.
This time, it’s time for the true love of Hinagi Suzurikawa .
TL: With this chapter finished, volume 1 is done. Volume 2 chapter 1 will be next week because I want to take a break from this novel. It’s a pain in the a*s to translate it. The next chapter start already great for Yukito /s.