[I thought—– you were my best friend.]
I can’t get those words out of my head.
What best friend? I’ve never thought of her that way.
To begin with, I never had any real friends.
I have always been alone. I should have been alone.
[Stop playing the victim”]
You’re wrong. I’m not doing that. There is no such thing.
In fact, I was a victim. It’s not my fault.
People around me make me feel alone. No one really believes me!
Maika didn’t believe me this time either.
In the end, she left me.
Maika left me in the end. She didn’t understand anything, put herself on the shelf, blamed others, and then left me.
She left me alone, too.
I can’t forgive her. No, I don’t have to forgive her.
Because she is no longer my best friend.
”No….. she never was”
I immediately dismiss the thought that crosses my mind with a mutter.
I must never, ever admit it.
Otherwise, I won’t be able to be me. I will not be able to feel sorry for myself.
I turn my eyes away from the contradictions that arise within me.
And I look at myself objectively.
—-I am fine. I am more of a victim than anyone else.
And there are people who believe in me.
It’s all right. I am not alone.
Friends? Best friend? It doesn’t matter.
What matters is what I am. That’s all that matters.
So I won’t let them do whatever they want.
Don’t worry. I’ve laid the groundwork.
Those pictures will come in handy from now on.
This is different from that time. This is not bullying, it is not something to bring others down.
It is self-defense.
I told myself that and kept my peace of mind.