“Shuya…? W-Why are you here?!”
My sudden visit… No, I mean, coming home. Mother shows a look of surprise at this.
However, unlike before, what is reflected in her eyes is pure surprise. She showed no signs of dislike towards me at all.
“I just wanted to talk to you.”
After saying this, I took off my shoes and proceeded to my feet, feeling nostalgic rather than familiar.
”I’m going to my room for a bit… Yeah, can you wait about half an hour?”
“Ah, eh, yeah… Of course it’s fine…”
Mom manages to reply to my suggestion.
I leave the living room and enter my room.
To be honest, I was prepared for it to be covered in dust. But my fears were unfounded.
Of course, I had cleaned the room when I left the house, but it had been quite some time since then. And yet the room was not dusty and clearly looked well cared for.
Moreover, there was a futon hanging out to dry in the present. When I went out on the balcony and touched the futon, I realised that it was not dried yet.
In other words, would this mean that I’m always -.
Afterwards, I didn’t do anything special and spent some time organising what I was going to talk about later on.
I had originally barged in suddenly, so I couldn’t just talk to her, so I just gave myself some time.
“Time to go.”
I looked at my watch and it was just about half an hour.
I moved to the living room where Sachi and Mom were.
They had already taken their seats.
Three cups of tea, including mine, were served at the four-seater table, which hadn’t been used for a while.
That alone made me feel something. That’s how badly she treated me in those days.
People might say that I was treated to that extent. I don’t know how well I was treated from the outside, because I haven’t looked at it much.
“So, I’ve got something to discuss with you today.”
As soon as I sat down, I started the conversation. Mom braces herself just a little bit. But judging from her expression, she probably knows what the main issue is.
”Yesterday, I got a phone call from Grandpa.”
Her reaction was not so much one with surprise, but rather, “as I thought”. Of course, I could have guessed that.
”And he told me what you told him.”
Mom responded with a small, mosquito-whistling voice. Her appearance was somewhat reminiscent of a child being scolded by her parents.
“I think Mom has done a lot of reflecting, and I think that’s why you acted the way you did. I’ve had a lot of thoughts about that too.”
She was listening to my words without saying a word.
“I have to admit, it made me happy. Mom was willing to take a step forward. You know, I think you probably had a lot of conflicts, and it was never easy.”
Confessing guilt is not so easy. Especially as you grow older, the weight of those words increases.
I honestly thought my mother was amazing for doing it.
“Even so, I still can’t forgive you.”
”—-That’s….No. You’re right, Shuya…”
It was only for a moment that she showed obvious disappointment. Mom immediately looked convinced.
No, that doesn’t make sense.
Yes, it’s —- something close to resignation.
I was irrationally angry at her attitude.
“—Cut is out with this bullsh*t.”
Sachi, who had been silent until now, calls out to me, as if she sensed something was wrong.
I have caused her to worry. But I’m fine. I am also aware that, despite my passion, I am somewhat upset and, on the contrary, I am also somewhat calm.
But I’ve been taught that I don’t have to put up with it.
From now on —- I’m going to be honest about everything.
“Don’t give up so easily!!”
What came out of my mouth were words without any context.
I raised my voice and the two of them looked surprised.
Well, even for Sachi, this development and statement must have been unexpected.
I am also aware that my statement is contradictory. I don’t care if it was a mistake.
This must be the turning point. A turning point for myself.
That’s why I won’t back down. I will not run away. I won’t turn my back.
It doesn’t have to be a hoped-for word.
—I’m just going to say how I really feel.