Chapter 14: Let’s get out of that city.

Translator: Soafp

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[Haruka PoV]

“Toki-kun’s birthday is coming up — I’m looking forward to it!”

“Did you…think of something?”

“Fufu, I won’t tell you. But I’ll give you my most precious thing!”

“……Giving away your most precious thing…..won’t it be useless?”

“That’s why I want to give it to you! I hope you’ll look forward to it, okay?　See you later.”

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“Dream…”

That was…I see.

It’s a memory of the day before the day we tried for the first time together and failed.

How I wish I could go back to that day…

How many times have I regretted it already?

………?

But when I remember it well, it feels strange.

Giving something precious to you. That was my first time.

But I thought Toki-kun said that I had to hold on to what was important.

I thought he was saying to me, “You have to take care of what is important to you.”

That’s why I gave it to him. I want….to exchange….

Something important ……?

That’s not it…this may have been Toki-kun’s… grief.

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The next day, I hid and waited at the nearest station for him to finish his part-time job again.

Then, just like yesterday, I waited for Toki-kun. My heart squeaks when I see Toki-kun walking with a girl beside him.

Fufu, I’m not qualified to do that. I know.

The strange feeling I felt in my dream.

I want to see what it is.

That and Toki-kun’s girlfriend’s eyes. I knew it…it’s the same as mine at that time…that’s why I came here to confirm it.

I followed them just as I did yesterday. I thought that if her eyes were the same as mine, she would act the same way…….

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…this time… he resisted.

It was the same… result as mine.

It was exactly the same. Toki-kun apologized while looking pained, and she answered with a bitter smile, both looking pained. By looking at it objectively, I could see it all.

Haha. The way she looked at Toki-kun.

The same as me.

I’m impatient, anxious, don’t want to be disliked, trying to mend things, but I want to make sure …… so I want to exchange something important. I want to be wanted, I want to feel safe. I didn’t want to be just words… and I didn’t want to…

I see…I was…mistaken.

I misunderstood and made a mistake. I stayed by Toki-kun’s side with a nonchalant expression on my face. I kept showing him the crucial scene.

Somehow, I became numb and forgot about it…

I stopped looking at Toki…

I look at the pictures from elementary school.

I should really be able to laugh like this…

That’s right. Toki-kun’s smile was my treasure. And that kind look in his eyes.

The picture is from junior high school.

Ah, there is a shadow. That’s what it looks like. The hole in my heart that Kurosaki told me about one day. I remember I was angry inside, asking why he was talking about it. I have always been only concerned with myself.

I want Toki-kun to smile from the bottom of my heart. So I wanted to give him all of me…but he was lying in his search for true love…or was he……… I will just continue to be close to him without pretense…until one day his heart is healed…. I just had to be there for him….

I just had to wait until one day he would smile.

That’s all I had to do.

She will probably make the same mistake. But I don’t want her to make more of them. I don’t want it to get any worse.

Then I’ll go tell her later so she can take a step forward. I don’t want her to be like me.

I don’t need to see him. All I want is for Toki-kun’s life to be wonderful.

But since it may be the last time, let me at least write my thoughts.

It may sound like just an excuse. It may sound like I’m just trying to protect myself from the terrible things I’ve done. But I won’t show Toki-kun my self painted with lies anymore. I want to end it.

So, I’ll write everything without any embellishments.

I hope one day he will laugh at me for being such a foolish woman…

Toki-kun might not see the letter… he might tear it up and throw it away… he might burn it…

But I’ll still write it.

Toki-kun…I really love you.

Let’s make that the last word in the letter and get out of that town.

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