V2Ch8: To start life all over again.

〜Rinka’s point of view~

“Okay, mother will go home now.”

“Yeah.…… take care.”

I said goodbye to Nagisa and gave her a small wave.

This is how the two of us parted……After this, I will head to the apartment where I live with Ryosuke.

I’ve been seeing her every Saturday and Sunday,……, so the period when we don’t see each other is about five days at the most. That is why it is a lonely goodbye, but not a sad goodbye at all.

“Kazuhiko and Kaede aren’t here today again.”

“……Yes, sorry it’s only me.”

“It’s okay.”

Nagisa’s cheeks turned red when I patted her head saying so.

Then she rubbed against my hand like a cat.

(But I’m so tired.)

More and more often, Nagisa is the only one who is present when I return home these days. Kaede has stopped showing her face since I told her the cause of Ryosuke’s illness, and Kazuhiko-san has been absorbed in his work as if he is trying to beat back his guilt over Ryosuke.

It’s good that he works hard at his job, but he needs to stop neglecting his daughters.

I have to prioritize my life with my son who is recuperating, so I asked him to take care of them while I’m not home. ……

I’m really screwed now.

He’s been a bad father since the Ryosuke incident, but now he’s really unbelievably bad.

This will have zero chance of an amicable separation.

(Are you thinking it’s impossible to let Ryosuke take over the company?)

I think that’s why he’s so eager.

He dumped Ryosuke once, but once he found out that Ryosuke was falsely accused, he turned his back on him, and to top it all off, when he got sick, he stopped coming home properly because of his guilt over Ryosuke.

You should at least cooperate a little.…… They are your precious childeren, no?

He’s got a habit of running away from responsibility.

“Hey mom.”

“Hm? What is it?”

Nagisa stopped me at the door.

“You look very serious…………. is there something going on?”

“Mom……you can divorce father, okay?”

“…… Eh? Divorce?!”

How did she know I was getting a divorce?

I haven’t told anyone but Ryosuke.……

No, it’s something that anyone would understand if they saw how well a married couple normally gets along.……I didn’t tell Nagisa so that she wouldn’t have to worry, but it seems that we weren’t able to play the role of a friendly married couple.

Ryosuke would be happy if Kazuhiko and I divorced, but Kaede and Nagisa are not, so we were going to continue to be a couple until Nagisa…… firmly graduate from college.

But why is she pushing for a divorce?

I decided to ask Nagisa.

“Why are you fine with the divorce?”

“….. Because I think it would be better for brother if we split up as soon as possible.…… And the only reason mother isn’t divorcing him is because sis and I are here, isn’t it?”

“That is….”

I was hit on the nail on the head.

I can’t say it back to her.

“I don’t want to get in your way anymore.”

“W-What makes you think that?”

“I think if we continue to be a family…… that alone will cause brother a lot of pain…… and sister might go off the deep end again.”

“…… Don’t you miss him?”

Nagisa nodded her head slowly.

“I want to see him, …… and I still love him…… but I know how much brother hates me…… and I don’t want to see him anymore. I’m not allowed to see him, in order to protect him.”

“Nagisa……”

She and Kaede are …… like polar opposites.

I had planned to see my daughters as often as ever after the divorce. But Nagisa…… She’s trying to keep me and Ryosuke away from her.

“No matter how much I regret it, it’s too late…… I can’t be forgiven for what I’ve done, so at least I’ll be punished for being a stranger to my beloved brother — I still dream about it all the time…….he came back from running away from home…. All the terrible things I said to brother, all the times I disinfected myself with alcohol to hurt him — I’ve hurt him so much…… so I want to make my existence disappear……please mother……”

“…… I see…… let me think about it for a minute ……”

For Ryosuke’s sake, I should have nodded my head.

But as a mother, I can’t shake my head.

I am really worried about living separately after a divorce. If things are in the form of separation, we can stay together as a family ……but if we get divorced, it is different —- there is a possibility that we may not be able to see each other for some reason.

That’s why I was going to force myself to continue being married to Kazuhiko until Nagisa graduates from college and is on her own.

This child is not my blood child, but she is still my precious daughter.

Unlike Ryosuke, who was very active, and Kaede, who had a strong core, Nagisa was timid and easily swayed.

But that is no reason for her to behave like that towards Ryosuke. That fact will never change.

But Nagisa has really grown up in the past six months.

She is now able to do the cooking and laundry by herself, she doesn’t complain when she is alone, and she doesn’t cry in front of others anymore.

What surprised me the most was that she decided to go to the high school that Kaede and Ryosuke attended.

Of course, Kazuhiko and I were strongly against it.

It is not good to attend that school now.

This year, the school is not filled to its capacity, and there is no trace of the once high prestige of the school.

What kind of parents would send their children to such a high school?

But Nagisa would never get out.

No matter how much we tried to persuade her, she stubbornly refused to change her mind, saying that she had made her own decision……. So in the end we had to give in.

Ryosuke was gone from her side, Kaede was nowhere to be seen, her father was in such a mess, and I couldn’t …… leave Ryosuke’s side.

Because of this, Nagisa was left all alone.

But instead of being depressed, Nagisa became stronger.

She sometimes clutches Ryosuke’s picture and prays, “Please lend me your strength” but she no longer runs away from adversity.

Apparently, a classmate friend of hers wanted to see Ryosuke as soon as she found out he was falsely accused, and she argued with her, and a fight ensued.

Thanks to this, Nagisa has been cut off from her friends and isolated from the rest of the class, but she has not missed a single day of school.

I think Nagisa is going to grow up a lot from now on.

That’s why I can’t help but feel sorry for her.

“……Nagisa……if you are so kind, why did you treat Ryosuke so badly………….”

“……Yes…… because I was really stupid.……”

Nagisa’s regrets are well and truly palpable.

But they can’t live together like they used to because…… Ryosuke’s illness will get worse.

Ryosuke was broken because of my naivety, and Kaede went crazy because I told her the truth about his illness.

I hurt the two children I gave birth to through my own unworthiness.

“Nagisa…… how is Kaede doing?”

“…… I don’t know…… she doesn’t leave her room except for school ……….. even if I call on her she doesn’t answer me “

“….Right”

I was told that she would not be going on to higher education.

I couldn’t believe my ears but she said she was leaving home after graduation.

……As I thought, it was my fault, right?

Because I said that…but if I didn’t say it, she’ll come again…but because of me, Kaede…ah…

“Mom!?”

I was so lost in thought that I almost fell down, and Nagisa supported my body.

Nagisa looked at me with a worried expression.

Come to think of it, I haven’t been sleeping well lately.…… I’ve been staying with Ryosuke all day except for work, and on weekends I come home to check on Nagisa and Kaede. The apartment we moved to is a long way away, so it’s hard to move around.

I know my body can’t keep up if I live like this,…… but I have to take responsibility for destroying my son and daughter.

“I’m fine, Nagisa.”

I gently untied Nagisa’s hand.

Then I slap my own chest and show her what a strong mother I am.

“Then I’ll go this time!”

“……Yeah……Seriously think about what I said earlier, okay?”

“……… yeah.”

Then I head to Ryosuke’s hospital. But I was distressed that I made my daughter feel uncomfortable.

---

〜From Ryosuke’s Point of View~

I am currently living in an apartment with my mother. I got out of the hospital a week ago, and today I will be attending a new high school.

It’s Usui-kun’s school.

I have always dreamed of attending the same school as Usui, so one of my big dreams has come true. I’m very much looking forward to it.

─ ─ I started to get ready in the morning for the very first time in a long time.

Since Nee-san and Nagisa aren’t here, I don’t have to prepare early on purpose. Thanks to that, I can prepare slowly in the morning.

After eating breakfast, I put my hand on the front door knob with my mother watching over me —- and all I had to do was twist it.

Push it down and push it forward, and the door will open easily. All I have to do is step forward with my shoes. These are the same shoes I am used to wearing, and I remember how to walk. The new apartment is very clean and comfortable, and the entrance is beautiful.

All I have to do now is to push the doorknob …… and I can take the long-awaited first step and move forward.

It really is that easy.……

Even a kindergartener can do it……

And yet they say there are legs that don’t move at all.

That was my leg.

Difficult, easy and yet that’s what’s difficult.

W-why …… you’re in school with Usui-kun, right? Mai is waiting for you outside. …… So why?

─ ─ Ryosuke was standing in front of the entrance door, stuck with his hand on the doorknob.

This was the fifth day in a row.

He was stuck, unable to take the final step.

(Why…there aren’t any annoying people in this school, and I never met Nee-san…I was looking forward to taking classes with Usui-kun and Mai!)

{Ryosuke, don’t go to school}

Before I knew it, Nee-san was sitting at my feet.

And it’s rare that she gives me advice that captures my feelings.

Right …… Let’s not go there.

“Tomorrow, let’s do it tomorrow, tomorrow.”

I can’t do it anymore. …… I can’t move today no matter what.

{That’s right, there’s no guarantee they won’t be there. It’s better not to go.}

This time Kirishima appeared in front of me.

Just like my sister, she’s holding me back.

I know…… there is no chance that all the people from my previous school have been transferred together.

I’m in this mess because I got caught up in an impossible event.

It would be really bad if the guys from my old school were there.

I should still choose not to go just in case.

But I told myself I was going to go to school and I wanted to have a fun high school year for just one year. …… I didn’t want to keep losing to those guys. ……I don’t want to lose.

…Aah, as I thought it was impossible, I just can’t do it.

It’s too scary.

I should retreat here.

There’s no need to jump all the way into enemy territory.

{You should go to school, right? Hang in there. You’re not alone?}

Student council president, Ruiko Himekawa.

What misguided advice.

You don’t understand my feelings at all.

I’ve already come to the conclusion in my mind that I’m not going.

Don’t get in my way! Please, don’t try to make me work harder! I’ve worked hard enough already!

{Big brother.}

“….What do you want, Nagisa.”

{Look behind you.}

“………Eh?”

I turn around as Nagisa told me to.

There was my mom, who was small and whom I respected more than anyone else, standing there, looking like she was praying.

“……. Ryosuke.”

Mom closed her eyes and clasped her hands together.

I wish she could force me to push my back rather than pray like that, …… but she doesn’t …… because I think she believes in my decision.

I’ve probably stopped here many times.

However, my mother watched over me without forcing myself on my back.

“……Mom”

……I want to make my mom happy.

I want to show her that I’m having a good time at school.

I want to show her how I’ve become stronger…… because all I’ve shown her is how I’m losing.

I want to respond to my mom’s feelings!

……

……

When I thought of that, I naturally felt powerful.

No matter how much I fell down, my mom never gave up on me.

So …… let’s try …… a little harder.

I can give up everything after trying a little harder.

………

………Okay!

I opened the door and stepped out of the house.

It took me days, but I finally took the first step.

“Mom …….”

Then I turn around …… behind me and call out to my mother.

“I’m off.”

Aah, I finally said it.

I’ve always wanted to say, ……I’m off.……yeah, it was hard, but I’m so glad I took the step.

“……Yes,……have a safe trip”

Mom responded with a big smile.

My legs are still a little shaky, can I make it to school?

But seeing that smile, I thought.

I’m glad I gathered up my courage.

I know it’s late, but I’m going to try my best starting today.

I don’t know how much I can do.

If I get scared and run away, don’t think I’m lame, okay?

I’ll do my best.

“—Ryosuke”

“……Mai”

When I went outside, Mai was standing there as a matter of course.

No matter how late I am, Mai always waits for me.

Thank you, Mom and Mai.

“Then, shall we?”

“…Yes.”

She held out her warm hand to me and I clutched it tightly. Mai’s small hands gently wrap around my pathetic heart.

I was days late from the commencement ceremony.

But I’m going to work hard starting today.

Not tomorrow, but from today.

And someday, I hope to be free from the spell of Nee-san and the others.……

{You, good luck}

{Brother! Go on!}

Before I knew it, the people holding me back were gone.