Side Story 9: I think I might be a failure.
Translator: Soafp
After that, my busy days began.
I couldn’t make time to talk to Kirishima’s sister, Youka-san, and once the practical training started, I had my hands full with my own things……. Anyway, I don’t have any dexterity.
First of all, relationships are the most difficult as I thought.
I had spent a year in college not being able to make friends, and it took me a year to get to the point where I could talk to anyone in a normal way.
That is the extent of my passive communicative skills.
There was no way I could get around in a place like that, where I was already finished, and I didn’t have time to worry about …… others.
“………Ah.”
“…………”
I passed Yuuka in the hallway a few times.
Even though I’m in a tough situation myself, every time I see her, I get more and more worried.
However, I cannot talk to her because it would be a nuisance for her to know that I am a trainee teacher in front of the other students.
With this in mind, I am creating an escape route.
I’m 22 years old and …… this is how I am.
It’s beyond pathetic, it’s sad.
…………
…………
“—What happened today is …… like this, I guess.”
I went home and wrote a report.
I felt uncomfortable in the silent room, so I turned on the TV.
Naturally, Kaede was appearing on a primetime program.
I finished writing in perfect timing, so I turned my attention to the TV screen while sipping orange juice.
[─ ─ Yes, it’s a very interesting story.]
She’s in the middle of giving her opinion on a comedian’s story. …… It was a very affectionate smile.
But she’s shining brighter than anyone else.
“…… what am I going to do tomorrow?”
A student told me I was too gloomy at school today. Other teachers told me that I should try to blend in better. I’m not good at all and I’m very worried about the future.
And yet I lied to my mom that things are going well.
Kaede told me to talk to her about any problems I’m having, but I haven’t been able to do that either.
But I have to work hard on my own. ……
Just like him who has been working hard all alone……
And I don’t think the person who drove him into a corner should be allowed to rely on anyone else.
Besides, the current situation is far less lukewarm than his.
I’m not being scorned or abused, just pointed out as a bit gloomy and warned by other Senpai.
Besides, I can relax when I go back to my house where I live alone, so I have a reliable escape route.
Even in such a privileged situation, I am unable to sleep at night because of my thoughts, so I wonder how harsh a situation Ryosuke-kun has had endured.
“….I’m really a terrible person…”
After the broadcast of the program featuring Kaede ended, I got ready and went to sleep.
─ ─ The next day, after eating lunch, I took a walk in the courtyard as a distraction. Then I found Youka-san sitting alone on a bench.
“…… Alright.”
I don’t really have any time to spare either…… but I figure this is my chance to talk to her, since there is no one else around, so I gather what little courage I have and try to talk to her.
I slowly approach her from the front and speak to her in a tone of voice that doesn’t startle her. She was lying on her face and didn’t seem to notice me until I spoke to her.
“……Youka…..Kirishima…….san……?”
“…… eh? Who are you?”
Eh……? we used to play together, but rather that I am an intern teacher and we share a classroom together,…… Huh?”
“…… Oh …… Hello.”
I guess she really didn’t get it.
I wonder if I am so airy.
“…… yeah …… nice to meet you ……”
I wonder what I’m here to practice for.
I didn’t think I’d even be recognized after a week.
“…………”
“…………”
I have to work harder.
Tomorrow, I’ll be more proactive in talking to her.
No, not tomorrow. …… I’ll start after school today…
“What’s wrong?”
“……… eh?”
“No, because you called out to me and you didn’t say anything.”
“…Certainly, it’s strange, isn’t it?”
No, it’s fine…so what’s wrong?”
She tilted her head curiously.
At any rate, she doesn’t seem to remember me, and I have to talk about my relationship with her first,……!
“……We used to play together, you know.”
“…… you’re lying, right? I don’t even know you?”
“R-right…”
No, I must say it properly …… not to let it go down the drain.
The conversation will end up being suspicious.
But what about …… Ah right!
We have Fumika as a mutual acquaintance …… We could talk about her!
I was originally going to ask her, so let’s do that.
“You see, a few years ago, Fumika and I…”
“………!”
The moment I mentioned Fumika’s name, the quiet Youka-san’s expression turned stern.
Since she had quit high school, Ruiko never had a chance to talk to Fumika and knew nothing about her.
So she had no idea why she had been so violent with Mai.
That is why she wanted to know what happened to Fumika.
Of course, she thought it would be a good opportunity to talk about it. ……
“It’s none of your business!”
She had stepped on a land mine by carelessly mentioning her sister’s name.
“K-Kirishima-san……?”
“You’re in the habit of not knowing what we’re going through because of my sister. ……!! Our whole family is being torn apart, and yet my sister hasn’t even come home!”
“Oh, I’m sorry …… for asking you such nasty things because I really don’t know anything about it…..!”
Ruiko could do nothing but stand there in front of the girl who was shaking with fear and trembling.
If she thought deeply about it, she would have realized that the cause of her depression was her family, but it was her fault for not thinking that far.
“Eh, ah, wait.”
The girl running away did not stop when she was held back.
They were such good friends, but it seems that they are far from being good friends and sisters like they used to be.
“I wonder why I’m such a failure… “
Ah, just as I thought, I am the kind of person who hurt others. I hurt the girl who was already hurting even more.
I walked slowly to the classroom with a heavy heart.
(…Good, she’s here for class.)
During the class, I made eye contact with Youka-san for the first time.
And just as she lowered her head, she began writing something in her notebook… and raised it up to where I could see it.
It said, “I’m sorry.”
Even though that had happened, she was still concerned about me… I don’t know who was consoling who anymore.
I was about to burst into tears at Youka-san’s kindness, but I held back.
………
………
After a day of classes, I went out to buy dinner.
I bought some overpriced side dishes at a convenience store.
I don’t have the energy to cook for myself these days, but today I didn’t even have the energy to go to the supermarket, so I decided to just go to the convenience store and make a quick meal out of it.
I was worried about what had happened to Fumika Kirishima, but after today’s incident, I began to think that I was not the right person to be a teacher.
I couldn’t even listen to my student’s problems, let alone solve them. …… I couldn’t even stop her from running away ……, I just watched her being upset.
I, who was relied upon by many students to make my point loud and clear, …… no longer exists.
“I’m afraid to go to school,…….”
My life has been a series of setbacks, but I’ve still held on and worked hard to get to this point, chasing the last dream I found, but …… today may be the turning point where I give up.
I’ve worked so hard for over three years and it would be a shame to let it go to waste.
But my heart can’t take it.
I can’t go…… any further …… I still cannot do it anymore. …… I’m definitely going to fail like I did today.
I really don’t want to hurt anyone any more or live up to anyone’s expectations …….
“Please come again!”
“Thank you …….”
I packed my lunch and tea in my bag and was just about to leave the convenience store when I almost bumped into someone at the entrance.
“………Oops!”
“…….”
I was thinking about it and it was my fault.
I should be sorry for that. ……… No, first of all, I should apologize.
I was about to apologize to the other person when I raised my head.
“I’m sorry—-“
But then……
I tried to apologize, but ……
“……………………… ………… Eh.”
I look at the other person’s face and my heart almost stops.
Even an expression like that isn’t an exaggeration…….I was shocked that much.
Because the other person…
“……Ryosuke……kun……”
The person I was in love with, without a doubt…
“………………Himekawa-san.”
Because he was the man I had hurt.
Non- epic
April 18, 2023 at 7:10 pmThanks for the chapter. I got confused when the author changed perspective half way in and then back again,like bro just stick to one and stay like that.
Kent Louie Washington
April 19, 2023 at 1:00 amthank you for the chapter.
Non- epic
April 19, 2023 at 1:10 amThanks for the chapter. I got confused when the author changed perspective half way in and then back again,like bro just stick to one and stay like that.
SirCunferencia
April 19, 2023 at 2:44 amThank you for the chapter!
Gatts
April 19, 2023 at 5:27 amThank you for the chapter !
Julian Robert
April 20, 2023 at 11:29 pmThankss 💯💯💯💯💯
Bakaaaa
April 23, 2023 at 8:27 amThanks