〜Nagisa’s Point of View~
“Why don’t we go to Ryosuke’s place tomorrow to apologize?”
That’s what my sister said to me.
She said she would sincerely apologize to big brother and do her best to regain his trust. I can see impatience in the way she speaks ……, which is unusual because she is usually so calm.
“Let’s just leave him alone for a while, okay?”
But I refused.
I thought it was too soon for any number of reasons, so …… whether he forgives me or not, I’m sorry because I found out about the false accusation on the news.
I think it’s disrespectful to big brother.
I’m going to show my remorse not with words of apology, but with my attitude from now on —- and I don’t care how long it takes.
But when I refused, the color of my sister’s face changed.
“……, I see, do what you want.”
After saying that, she left my room.
In the pitch-dark room, only her cold voice remained strong in my memory.
It’s been strange since I saw the news about my brother.
She has never shown me such a cold attitude like now.
I wondered whether I should go after her and warn her not to say unnecessary things to Big brother, but I didn’t have the courage to leave the room.
I couldn’t dare to leave the room, because I had no face to show to my brother. I keep thinking about what I should do if I meet him …….
Mom was talking about him staying at Mai’s house today, so he probably won’t be home, but it’s the house next door and he could come back to get his stuff.
It sends chills down my spine to think that I might run into him at such a time.
What do I look like when I meet him?
I have no face to show…….
I don’t want to embarrass myself by showing my face to him. He probably doesn’t want to see me either. ……
“………Ugh,…… big brother,……”
I wrap myself up in bed and shiver as I think back on all the atrocities I’ve committed against my brother.
The worst of all was the line I uttered when my brother came home from running away from home.
[B-Big brother,…… I wished you never came back.]
I said those words without thinking.
I had never thought of it that way, but after saying …… it, I regretted it tremendously.
The usually mild-mannered mother and the gentle Mai were both furious with me…
[A-Are you out of your mind!]
Thanks to their anger, I realized for the first time the mistake I had made. I tried to apologize immediately.
[If I apologize here, Ryosuke won’t be sorry, right? Let’s be mindful in order not to make the same mistake again.]
But my sister stopped me.
After much deliberation, I nodded to my sister’s words.
Looking back on it now, I think it was an impossible decision ……, but at the time I had no doubt that it was the right thing to do, and I most of all wanted him to feel sorry for his actions.
Because everyone around me said so,…… including my father, sister, neighbors, and everyone at school —- so I began to think that my mother and Mai, who were protecting him, were crazy.
[Do I really think so?]
It was about six months ago that my thinking changed.
Thanks to the time that has passed since the incident, I have been able to think things over calmly.
[Speaking of……I realized that I was only listening to my sister’s words.]
I already thought that my sister’s words were right, so I thought that my brother’s story was just a convenient excuse.
Most of the people at school also talk bad about my brother, and my father is very angry with him.
That’s why I didn’t apologize as my sister told me to.
Now I realize that this is wrong.
It is undeniably wrong that I hurt my brother.
It would have been natural for me to apologize, but I didn’t do so. And even though I usually tell my brother to apologize to the victims in a respectful manner…..
I was sorry and decided to change my attitude.
I started to think about hearing the truth of the incident directly from my brother’s mouth.
[Big brother,…… can I talk to you for a minute?]
[Big brother ……, why did you wake up so early?]
I started with a simple conversation. For quite some time, I started to say the word ‘big brother’.
It makes me feel warm inside my chest. ……I guess I like my big brother after all. ……It’s a serious matter that I can’t change my mind after such a terrible incident.
But it seems I was too late to make an effort.
My brother has been ignoring me for a long time. I’ve been trying to get him to stop.
Still, I was undeterred and continued to talk to him, and on my birthday, I tried to play a game to make up with him.
…… but the result was terrible.
My brother hated me more and more.
And I realized once again how much I had done to him.
After that, I cried in my room for a while.
[—What? Did Ryosuke do that to you?]
[Yeah…… but the one who is to blame is me for disinfecting it first.]
I clutched at my sister and talked to her about it.
Since I have an awkward relationship with mom, the only person I can rely on now is my sister.
[Okay, I’ll go talk to him.]
[That’s fine, but don’t lecture him or anything, okay? And don’t forget it’s my fault, okay? …… Just give us some time to talk, and we’ll be fine, okay?”
Since I didn’t have the courage, I was forced to leave it to my sister to act as an intermediary.
I was a little concerned about the pause, but my sister is strong, so it was fine. All I had to do was wait for the results…
—-I prayed and waited for good news.
[Not good, this is completely out of the question!]
[Eh? What do you mean?!]
[Oh, I told him to apologize to Nagisa, but he insulted me back.]
What an unnecessary thing ……!
Big brother is going to be further away again!
I was furious with my sister for the first time.
[Hey! I told you I was the one at fault! Me and big brother are getting even worse!]
[….I knew you were going to make up with Ryosuke.]
But when she calmly replied, I was puzzled.
It was true that I had begun to think about making up with big brother, and for some reason I had hidden that feeling from my sister.
[What are people saying?]
[They’re saying it’s Ryosuke’s fault. I don’t want to see Nagisa being blamed by everyone.]
She patted my head like that.
I shed tears on my sister’s chest.
If I forgive my brother, I will be bullied.
There is no big sister in junior high school, and there is no Mai.
If something happens to me, no one will help me.
That’s why she’s worried about me.
I regretted so much that I had felt alienated from such a kind big sister, even for a moment.
She treats me harshly because she’s thinking about big brother. ……
But I can’t get rid of the feeling that I want to make up with my brother.
What should I do? …… I have no idea what to do ……
No. Is it a waste of time to think about it?
I’ve had my brother and sister make all the decisions for me up until now.
I can’t think and act by myself.
So I did as they said.
─ ─ Soon after that, I heard on the news that my brother was innocent.
Ah it’s over, I thought.
Even if I apologized now, he would only think that I apologized because I knew he was falsely accused.
I missed the chance to even apologize.
No matter how much I apologize now, it won’t resonate with my brother.
Because he knows that he was falsely accused.
—-That’s why I rejected my sister’s proposal.
I’ll say it again and again, but I really, really, really have no face to show to my brother now.
“Onii-chan…… Onee-chan…… Mai-chan.”
I remember my childhood.
The four of us, my brother, my sister, and Mai, enjoyed playing together in elementary school.
Before I knew it, Mai stopped playing with us, but those were the most fun times I ever had. I loved Mai because she loved me like a little sister.
By the time my brother entered junior high school, Mai stopped showing up, and before I knew it, my sister and I were competing for my brother, and then Ruiko joined in. When my brother entered high school, Kirishima joined in.
I was not very happy in my daily life because I was worried that my brother would be taken away from me at any moment.
This was not the case with Mai.
She didn’t try to monopolize my brother, but reached out to him when he was alone.
It’s rare to find someone as kind as Mai. ……I want to play with them again like we used to, Mai. ……Onii-chan……