Translated and Edited by: luccayn.
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you’re close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it’s cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one’s older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.
As soon as my feet touched the ground outside the temple bounds, the enveloping warmth I felt dissipated like smoke, only to be replaced by the season cold. The only difference is that I was accompanied by two goddesses, each on one side.
In the end, after all that arguing about who’d protect the land or whatever, none of them stayed. Worried, I asked if it was safe for no one to stay behind, to which they vaguely answered, “Well, it’s not good but it’s not bad either.”
They pushed the responsibility onto each other, saying they’d take care of it for them. Oh well, they don’t seem to regret it, and I have no say in the matter. On our way home, I asked them about a few things that have been bothering me.
“What is ‘faith power’? Ah… Sorry, I thought you already knew about it. Let me explain.”
That word came up often when the two were babbling to one another. Answering my question, the black-haired goddess said that, if people have faith in them, their very thoughts will become strength. She even promised to show me that when she went through ‘rehab’, saying that she could perform various miracles when her powers built up.
Actually, I wasn’t expecting the word ‘rehab’ to show up in this conversation. Is it something they need to do often?
“We haven’t had any faith toward us in 300 years.”
So they basically haven’t had any power in literal ages, so it was dangerous to get suddenly full on a constantly empty stomach. She explained that they need to gradually absorb the faith from me and let their bodies get used to it. Though, I don’t really have much faith in them…
“It’s okay. Faith is hard to define because it’s so broadly defined… Hmm, to make things simple, when we feel happy, our faith builds up. In fact, just by being with you, my faith is going up like crazy.”
In sum, the point is to make the goddesses feel happy… “Is there anything you want me to do for reference?” The raven one was the first to raise her hand at my question.
“I want you to wall-slam me! Wall-slam me while you look into my eyes… Forcefully… Kya~!”
“And I want a lap pillow!” The cat one answered. “I’ve always wanted to experience this in my lifetime… Y’know, my head on your lap, your hands running through my hair, woohoo~!”
I meant what I said in an offering sort of way, not this…
“You two are being surprisingly wholesome.”
“Well, what I really want is some sloppy sweaty s*x with you, but since your faith is so strong, I’m sure we’ll vanish if we so much as graze it.”
“Yeah, just being touched earlier… Um, it was pretty dangerous…”
“Yeah, yeah. Just thinking it makes my crotch feel like a big soppy mess.”
“If he had touched me anymore, I’d have been annihilated! Though I’d like being attacked.”
“You’re a god slayer, for sure. What a charmer, mister!”
“Don’t bring all that out of nowhere. Keep your thoughts to yourself,” I shot back. “Also, why do you two have such a high opinion of me when I haven’t done anything in particular? I just can’t believe it.”
The black-haired goddess gave me the stink eye to my last question. “I don’t understand why you’re being so harsh on yourself. Is it related to the things you said about women hating you?”
“That’s right. I’ve been called disgusting so many times, how could I believe your odd words of praise?”
“Well, I’ll just wait and see your family before I make any judgments. I still think you’re just saying words to avoid us.”
“I agree, but why in such a roundabout way…?” The cat-like goddess placed her two cents as well.
“You two are being too light about it. It’s at another level.”
“I just can’t wait to get into your room, mister! I’ve always dreamed of getting into a man’s bedroom. Oh, today is a good day!” The cat one gave me an ear-to-ear grin.
So she’s following me to my room then? Regardless, they don’t believe me at all, and even though I said I’ve been kicked out of the house, they’re being too frivolous. They even said, “Oh, you’re cold? Let’s get you a jacket!”, and “Yeah, let’s!”
I’m glad you’re concerned about me being cold, but have a little faith in me, too. Speaking of which, I had another question in mind.
“Oh, and what was all that up-down jumping earlier?”
“It was a check to see if your eyes were really following us. Didn’t they?”
“Ohoho, jumping around is for those with great taste, and it’s good for confirmation work. Don’t you know that?”
“Nope, I don’t.”
They didn’t have to express themselves with their bodies. All they had to do was call out to me like a normal person. In any case, according to these god ladies, jumping around is apparently all the rage for god’s check work. No clue about that though.
However, I felt a little frustrated seeing the two laughing at me warmly. It’s like I was some sort of clown. I mean, the two aren’t very different from me in terms of intelligence, y’know?
As we were chatting and laughing at random stuff, the house came into view.
Fun time’s over.
“Oh? Are we almost there? It’s so close.”
“C’mon, c’mon! Let’s get some answers!”
They guessed we were getting there from my atmosphere.
Now, just watch me. I’ll show you two how bad my daily life really is.
Standing right in front of the house, I was immediately ‘welcomed’ by their countermeasures.
“They’ve locked it with chains,” the cat-face muttered after seeing the door wouldn’t open with my duplicate of the house’s keys. I tried, but it was impossible to get in.
They don’t usually use those, so it’s a perfect preventive against me. With that, I felt their strong desire not to let me in even if I do try to come back.
“I can’t believe it. Putting chains just when he’s not home… It can’t be a mistake,” the raven-haired one stated the obvious. Well, she wasn’t wrong. It was on purpose.
“They must’ve overlooked it, right? This isn’t forgivable otherwise. C’mon, let’s ring it anyway.”
Catface forgot to mention they actually hate me.
“Guess so. Hmm, shall we just press the chime and ask them to unlock it for the time being?”
“Don’t make it sound so easy.”
I don’t have a watch, so it’s just a feeling, but it was probably ten o’clock right now or something like that. It would be plain annoying for me to ring the doorbell at this hour, and if it was me, I would definitely get my teeth punched in. —Yup, the intercom was a bad idea. There must be another way.
All I want is to take my stuff out of there peacefully.
“Erm… Don’t you have to ring to get in?”
“Maybe so, maybe not…”
Let’s think about it. I need to find another way out.
“I think it’s hard, though… Um, you don’t have a smartphone, do you?”
How do you even know that much about smartphones and stuff? You’re a god, aren’t you?! I thought to myself.
“Just ring it. I want to see what kind of family will come out of that door… Don’t worry, it’ll be fine. We’re here with you.”
“Ohoho, there is no need to fret! If something should happen, I will protect you.”
Surely, staying here in front of this locked door won’t lead us anywhere. They also said they’d protect me, but will I really be fine? Urgh, I have no choice, so I’ll just push it…
I rang the chime with all the courage I could muster concentrated at my fingertips, and an inorganic noise beeped in response. After a while, a voice came out of the microphone of our intercom asking, “Who are you?”
Not good, it was my sister.
“‘Who are you?’ what kind of lickspittle are you on about? Your brother is home, so open it quickly!”
“First the chain, now this? I’m feeling rather nice, so I want to blow this door right off its hinges. I’ll be polite and wait three seconds.”
Was it their naiveté? In any case, I just left the two mumbling their nonsensical blabber and answered with an, “It’s me.”
“Drop dead,” she didn’t wait a single second and hung up the intercom. The moment she realized it was me, she wished for my actual death.
“W, wait a second! What did she just say? What did she just say?! I had an auditory hallucination, it can’t be!”
“M, mister. P, press it again. I couldn’t hear her…”
Bullsh*t. I’m pretty sure you both heard it correctly the first time. In any case, in response to their encore, I played it again.
So I did it once more.
“W, what?! Your brother is here, you know?”
“What’s going on?! Is she on drugs or something?”
“Would you look at that,” I finally turned to them. “I told you so. Do you see now how much they hate me?”
“…Mister, did you try anything with her before? Or did she find out about some plan where you kill her for her life insurance money?”
“…Is she angry because you, erm, put her to sleep and harvested her organs or something? Maybe you conspired with doctors so you could get some black money?”
How do you even come up with those ideas?! This is the sorta thing a middle schooler comes up with!
“Why are you trying to make me out as the bad guy? I didn’t do anything, you know?! I didn’t do squat to offend them!”
“You may have offended her without realizing it. For example, you mixed up m*rijuana and maple leaves or something like that?”
“There’s a limit to ignorance. I’m not that stupid.”
“I understand… So it was more than a few organs! Maybe the eyes, lungs, and kidneys, one after another!”
“I’m not some psycho!”
As I was arguing with the two unbelieving goddesses, the chain was undone and the door opened with a bang. I didn’t expect that, so I was quite taken aback. Out the door came my sister, quivering with anger.
Seeing my face, she slapped me as hard as she could, leaving only a cold burn behind.
“You’re noisy! Just hang yourself! Urgh, I’ll call the police!”
She then followed that up with a kick to my head. S, stop with the combos and listen to me, please!
My sister was more violent and scary than I expected; way worse than usual. Was it her period, maybe? In any case, I need to somehow explain the situation to her so I could at least have a change of clothes and my savings back.
Hey! Can’t the goddesses say anything to her too?!
As soon as I tried to look back at them to ask for help, I saw the black-haired one had already placed herself between me and my sister.
“Hey. What are you doing to my husband?”
She then aimed her wrist toward the ground, to which a mass of onyx iron lodged itself on the floor right by her as if she had called it. It was at least as long as her height… It reminded me of an ogre’s club from that fairytale of the Peach Boy, Momotaro.
Upon seeing the club, catface hurriedly tried to hold her back by grabbing the raven’s hair.
“W, wait! What are you going to do with that club, huh?! Are you going to level this whole area?!”
“Huh? I don’t care. If you so much as graze my dear, it’s war. I’ll just kick her a*s.”
“Also, what are you on about? Mister is my husband!”
Don’t just scream that I’m your husband in the middle of the streets.
“Calm down —a little!” Catface came around behind her and twisted her cervical vertebrae with a sickening creak-crack with no hesitation. The raven-haired one had her head turned backward now.
I’m begging you, would it kill to be a bit gentler? Why do you two have to go for the kill every single time?!
This is heartbreaking.
“S, sorry… I just got a bit mad over there,” she apologized with her head turned 180 degrees.
A bit? You went pretty hard there, didn’t you? In any case, she started healing without a hitch, which would never not look weird to me.
“Look, I appreciate your concern, but we’re… family, so please don’t get too mad at her. Please.”
“What kind of life would you have to live… to protect her even in this situation?” She asked while her neck was slowly going back into its place.
I don’t understand what she means by that, though.
Come to think of it, even when she was making all those inhumane moves, my sister didn’t so much as flinch. Still displeased, she stood there with a glare in her eyes… Maybe she couldn’t see the goddesses?
“It doesn’t look like she can see us… Hmm, I thought she would be able to now that I feel my faith refreshed,” catface muttered with a pout.
Seriously… That means I’ll have to deal with her alone. The advantage of having more people with me is suddenly gone.
“Oi, scum, why did you come back?” She closed in on me, isolated and helpless. Unlike before, her voice was a bit lower and less frightening.
I wonder if she’ll feel refreshed and listen to me once she’s beaten me more. I need to make the most out of this chance. Thus, I told her I had only come to pick up my luggage. I tried to avoid making any sort of hostile intent show, but she still looked uncomfortable nonetheless.
“You live like trash. Don’t you feel miserable? Ugh, just the thought of being related to you makes me want to vomit.”
She still gave me a verbal smackdown. Hats off to myself for pushing through to the end though. I was prepared for this, but it still broke my heart to see things wouldn’t change despite it being time to say goodbye for good.
I guess I was never a part of the family after all…
I knew that all along, but it still hurt.
Behind me, catface started up a fuss.
“All right! Leave that a*s up to me! I’ll get all the blood out of your skin without a second to spare! I swear I’ll rip you to shreds—!” With her bloodcurdling scream, her fingernails extended like blades from each finger, mimicking claws.
Seeing this, the black-haired one tackled her to stop it from happening.
“T, Tama-san! Please calm down! —What are you doing?!”
Her claws never stopped growing despite her being locked in place. My sister was quite a ways away, but they still almost got to her.
“Wait a minute, Tama-san! Desperate women are ugly! Let’s have some leeway!”
“Urgh—! Just a bit more and it’ll touch her neck! I’m so close, so close!”
Her nails grew to be longer than 8 meters.
“What is the girl who broke my neck doing, huh?! Calm down!”
“Shut the f*ck up!”
“And stop with the swearing—!”
With that, the tall one moved from a low tackle to hitting her joints, following after by breaking her limbs. Screaming under the relentless attack, catface collapsed like a puppet with cut strings.
Just what are the two of you doing…?
“Y’know, you didn’t forget, did you? I mean, you tried and tried, but you couldn’t so much as graze my butt. That means you can’t touch my sister either, right? I didn’t try to stop you since you acting out of concern though,” I muttered to the two of them.
“Ah,” they both stopped in their tracks.
They forgot… That means their intelligence isn’t so much different from mine. I actually feel closer to them.
—While I thought about that, my sister called out to me once again.
“Tch. I threw your sh*t out in the yard, so pick it up and get out. Next time you show up, I’ll actually kill you.”
She must’ve lost interest in me since I stopped reacting to anything. After one last word, she went back into her house.
Yay! I got away with less damage than I thought I would! Oh, and it’s a great thing she left my stuff outside. I mean, I’d hate going in. Okay, she said it was in the garden, so I’ll pick it up right now!
“M, mister… Why do you look so happy? This isn’t funny,” catface said so with her hands back to normal.
I don’t know if she felt pain or whatever, but she had this sullen expression contorting her beautiful face.
“I made a lot of noise late at night and got away with it, you know? Against my sister, no less. Of course, I’d be happy.”
“H, huh…? I’m confused for sure. This is just like you said, mister.”
“I can’t believe it, but… It’s been proven right in front of my eyes… I have no choice but to admit you were right all along.”
“…They really hate you,” they muttered in defeat with bitter expressions on their faces.
“Finally, you two believe in me.”
T/N: This one was beeeg. Oh well, hope you enjoyed another translation of mine! See you at the next one!
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