Translated and Edited by: luccayn.
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you’re close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it’s cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one’s older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.
“Yay! Look, look, Shu-chan! It’s the first man we see in 300 years! It’s a man! Oooh, his musky masculine pheromones are melting my brains.”
“Tama-san, it’s too early to be happy. Let’s start with the investigation! We have to!”
“Why are we taking so long, huh? You can’t be a woman and not attack such a crazily handsome boy who’s right in front of you!”
“I mean, we can’t attack him unless we can actually touch him. Once we see he’s tangible, we’ll go on the offensive immediately!”
The two weird girls started talking to each other as soon as they realized my presence. These unfolding events were so outrageous, I couldn’t even wrap my head around their conversation.
Why are they here? Why are they treating me normally? What the hell is up with their repetitive jumping back there? — There were so many questions whirling around that my feeble brain couldn’t process them all.
“I’m so excited, Shu-chan! Just leave the investigation to me. I’ll do the first contact with my esteemed God-fingers! I won’t let him escape!”
Then, the smaller girl of the two, with shoulder-length silver hair, wiped a large amount of drool from her mouth and stuck out her hand toward me, wriggling her so-called God-fingers obscenely.
She showed absolutely no feminine poise and acted extremely unpleasantly, but… she was undoubtedly cute in an esoteric kind of way.
The shortie had this unrealistic vibe to her as if she was the personification of something else, perhaps a beautiful kitten. Her small stature only contrasted with the accentuated curves she had. Truth be told, that “gap” between these two characteristics was amazing. If you placed all of man’s desires into one package, it’d probably be her.
“Ha? Ugh, that’s why dealing with lustful beasts like you is so difficult. You’re so thick-skinned. I mean, there’s no way I’d entrust someone like you, Tama-chan, with the responsibility of such an important investigation. I’ll take responsibility, so retract those wriggly fingers of yours.”
Following the shortstack, a girl with a ladylike tone stepped forward. Her raven-black hair and stern sanpaku eyes made her look like the main character in a horror manga; an unlucky beauty.
She had this absorbing allure that captured your gaze, almost as if she was beautiful to a fright, or too beautiful to be frightful. Tall and slender, every bit of unnecessary flesh wasn’t there to be found. Her every line followed the golden ratio to a tee. Compared to the cat-faced girl, she was a whole other kind of beautiful. Her legs were also super long…
I never thought I’d see such pretty-looking people outside of my close family.
“No, no, no. It’s a crime for a dirty woman like you to touch him. A cute girl with huge badoonks is definitely better suited for the job!” The short one started.
“Who are you calling dirty, huh? I’ll tell you something, outrageously large melons like yours are just gross to men, y’know? The times have changed, and all people want is a slender beauty like me! Nay, it’s all about the a*s!”
“I think it’s funny how the only thing self-proclaimed ‘slender’ people insist on is their hips. Hah, it’s hilarious how you have so few appeal points!”
“So you’re all about the sex appeal, huh? Zero taste.”
“Oh, oh? That’s not an argument, is it? Tell me whatever other appeal you have.”
“…I don’t stink like you.”
“Guh?! I don’t stink! And don’t yap about me with this pitiful image you have, cutting board!”
“Argh?! What did you just say?! I’ll make you swallow the filth you just spit!”
“That’s my line, dimwit!”
The previously harmonious atmosphere of this secret temple changed out of nowhere, and a fistfight broke out in the middle of the place. Both of them grabbed each other’s chests and decked each other in the face. Repeated thuds echoed the shrine in a steady rhythm, and the way they both yoinked and hit each other reminded me of one of those mixed martial arts tournaments I’d seen.
I had imagined women fighting before, something with gentle smacks and stuff, but reality is completely different. I could only stand there in awe at their power…
—Until I pulled back.
I couldn’t stop myself: as I watched the two repeatedly punch each other, I felt increasingly uncomfortable, wondering while feeling something was inherently wrong. This whole situation is crazy, to say the least, but there’s something fundamentally off with them.
What is it, what is it…
I could feel a loud thump against my chest when I realized where my discomfort was coming from. The reason I didn’t notice it before was that I was too stunned by the fact they treated me normally, by their good looks, and the sudden MMA bout that unfolded.
Once I saw it, however, I couldn’t look at anything else. It was literally something out of this world: they were both slightly, slightly transparent. These two were probably not even human.
The extraordinary life I had only dreamed about in the past was still to come, I thought as I stopped them both from killing each other.
“Guh, urgh… For the shake of thish boy, I’ll, ack, leave itsh at thatsh for todhay… Ugh…”
“Grh, you aresh not eshcaping nexsht, urgh, time, uuuuu…”
Through my intervention, the fight was settled with both parties spitting out throwaway one-liners. They must’ve hit each other quite seriously, seeing they were basically in scraps.
First, that cat-like woman had her eyes swollen, with her skin puffed and crumbled like a pomegranate. Second, that raven ethereal beauty from before got an uppercut to the chin that left her nose crushed, and missing most of her front teeth.
Both of them were seriously injured. Ugh, this isn’t funny. I don’t remember a kick ever hitting another so hard that they almost crumbled like a crouton. They started this like some sort of a gag, so these injuries came out of the left field for me.
Truth be told, I was terrified of these two violent, inconsequential girls. As one would expect from non-humans, they seem to have no ethics or morals to speak of. I had stopped the fight with the full intention of getting involved, but to be honest, I started to regret it.
These two are just horrible.
“Gh, a, ah! Mishter, y, you’re wrongsh! Don’tch pull back, I’m not ushually like thish! It’s all fun and gamesh!” The crying cat lady said so while holding up the battered side of her face.
“I, it’sh true! Ishah shanhs hashdha hash jush!” The raven-haired girl approached me as well with blood streaming down from her mouth and nose.
“Shu-chan! It’s time for you to talk normally! It’s over! Sh, Shuri! I can’t laugh anymore! Look, the dude’s getting upset!”
“I’m not shure I can. I don’tch have my fronsh sheesh.”
“You can’t talk without your front teeth? Hey, hurry up and regenerate! You’re usually a bit faster!”
“I, I don’tch have any faith powersh righsh now.”
“You don’t have any faith? How do we get you… Oh, I know!”
As if a light bulb lit up right above her head, she clasped her hands together and turned to me. Oh God, I have a bad feeling about this.
“Mister, please! I need you to smack the a*s of this mean-eyed woman!”
She started saying weird stuff to me all of a sudden. Huh? Why should I give the black-haired girl an a*s whooping?
“Mehuhi hahuhi nanihefuno!?”
“Shut up, Shu-chan! I really wanted to be the first one to get my cheeks smacked, but I’m giving the first time to you! It’s really heartbreaking stuff, you know?!”
“You wanshme to shay shorry?”
“Anyway, we have to deal with this situation now, or he’ll end up running away from us!”
Oh, they do know I wanna get the hell out of here.
“Please! Just a light tap, that’ll make her happy!”
The dark-haired one got down on all fours and perked her bottom up to me, all while the cat-like one clasped her hands together and pleaded for my “help,” whatever that meant. I mean, what is up with this situation?!
What even happens when I hit her butt? And why does making her happy even matter in this situation? Just these outlandish thoughts are enough to drive me crazy. Don’t be silly, you two. You should just go to the hospital ASAP. These aren’t injuries that could be left untreated.
“Just think of it as you being tricked and tap her cheeks! Just the tip of your fingers, just the tip! I swear, tap it!”
“Jush she tip! Jush she tip!”
They’re persistent, but I can’t just hit a wounded person’s a*s! Stop with that weird sh*t! Ugh, frankly, I just wanna leave them both here and leave, but I couldn’t bear to leave someone injured out and about. It’s a pity I made the decision to get involved, even if a little. I’ll just take her to a hospital.
Um, but they are transparent. Can I even touch them in the first place? If I couldn’t, there would be no treatment for the two, so I had to make sure despite not wanting to. Most women wouldn’t want me near them, much less touching, but if what I’ve seen so far is anything to go by, they’ll be fine. I just wonder if they’re fine with the face if they’re fine with their bums.
Thus, I asked the raven-haired girl to show me her injuries and touched her cheeks. Yup, I could touch them no problem, though I quickly pulled back. I also looked at the condition of her injuries, but I could barely make out if it was truly serious or not seeing as I’m just an amateur and not a doctor. I’ll just leave the rest to the professionals.
Oh, health insurance is also a thing. But, erm, do non-humans even have health insurance in the first place?
While I was worrying about all that, the black-haired girl kneeled down on the floor as if she had just been hit by lightning. She twitched compulsively. What crossed my mind in that moment was her injury worsening. Due to the lower part of her face being damaged, it wouldn’t be surprising if it got worse as she convulsed.
Her unusual trembling only served to make me more anxious.
Should I call an ambulance?
“The whispery touch of a boy’s thick hand! Wooooooh! His fingertips running across my face, hot, DAMN! My faith power is spilling over!”
Screaming incomprehensible words, the raven-haired girl jumped up from the floor. There were no scars on her face any longer, and the blood that had stained her clothes suddenly disappeared. Even her nose and teeth were back to normal, so she could speak again.
With that, she was back to being the ethereal beauty she had been when I saw her for the first time.
“Woah! You’ve got some hefty faith in you, mister! I’m next, me, me! Meeee! tap my a*s, please!” The cat-like girl’s sweet and carefree voice, which didn’t fit the whole situation, resounded throughout the temple.
…What the f*ck?
T/N: Translating her toothless mumbo-jumbo was hell ;-;
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