Translated and Edited by: luccayn.
-san: A polite suffix, but not excessively formal.
-kun: A common suffix among friends and younger people.
-chan: A common suffix among people you’re close with, mostly used for feminine nicknames and girls, since it’s cutesy and childlike.
-senpai: A common suffix and noun used to address or refer to one’s older or more senior colleagues in a school, workplace, dojo, or sports club.
In my life, it’s quite common for things to happen differently. Actually, most times, things don’t go quite as planned.
Recently, for example, I got back the ice cream money I’d long given up on. Well, it was my money in the first place. Though it’s a bit questionable whether or not being rescinded fell under ‘luck’ or not. Regardless, unforeseen circumstances happen to everyone, be they large or small.
I understand that some of you might be thinking, ‘What is this guy even talking about with his grand yet empty preamble?’ But well, first of all, I want you to hear my story.
Now, everyone. When do you think the weekend starts?
If there are any knowledgeable people around, I might end up exposing my own ignorance. Still, if you’ll allow me to expose my opinion, I’d say it’s Saturday and Sunday combined. Well, if there’s a holiday attached to Friday, then it’s barely acceptable for it to be included in the duo. That’s my own idea, at least.
Okay, keep with me. Here’s the thing, let’s say, just for the sake of argument, that you made plans with a certain classmate. And let’s say, during that conversation, you agreed to meet up with whoever in the following weekend. Additionally, for this hypothetical scenario, let’s say the day you had that talk was on a Thursday. In that case, wouldn’t you think of Sunday?
I know, a lot of you just cringed at my weird idea, but bear with me. If it’s Thursday and you’re making plans for the weekend, isn’t Sunday the one logical conclusion you’d come to? I mean, if it’s Saturday, that’d be two days later. In that case, wouldn’t you just go with a ‘Let’s meet up after tomorrow!’ instead? Why complicate things by using a vague term like ‘weekend?’
Now, again, I see you. Let’s not bring up those little criticisms like, ‘Why didn’t you confirm properly at that time?’ I’ll just decline those sorts of reproaches.
If someone who isn’t familiar with the flow of the situation and the nature of me as a person starts adding in unnecessary complications about what’s happening the day after tomorrow, then this story has to end right here. Clear? Now sit tight.
First of all, when you’re about to go somewhere, don’t you usually send a message the day before or something? Like, ‘We’re still on for tomorrow, right?’ or some considerate arrangement like that. Don’t you do that? I certainly would without a shadow of a doubt.
And here’s another hypothetical situation. If you’re going to someone else’s house, you know, isn’t around 10 o’clock the usual time, even if it’s early?
So how about this? What time is it now? It’s before 9 o’clock, right? It’s ridiculous. Unbelievable.
You’d think that, right? I mean, in reality, I was still asleep at that time. I hadn’t even washed my face or brushed my teeth.
When you think about the inconvenience and all that, it’s pretty clear which one of us is behaving without common sense, right?
“So, what are you trying to say?”
“…I’m kindly asking you to make her go back the way she came.”
Amidst the ruthless glare of the curtain flung wide open, my room was flooded with brilliant light.
Despite having been in a pleasant slumber, I was jolted awake by a heavy thud against my stomach, emitting a feeble groan as I rose. Such was the Saturday morning.
In my faintly opened field of vision, I saw the standing figure of a female gorilla, her long hair neatly tied up in her usual simple bun. And I understood. At the tip of those outstretched legs was precisely my stomach. Even through the comforter, that scoundrel. She had trampled all over me.
“Again, are you some kinda hoarder? Seriously, can’t you spend money with some more thought?”
I wonder what her intentions are. I do believe it’s harassment, but it’s a real nuisance, especially so early in the morning.
By the way, the relationship between this female gorilla and me isn’t all that great.
She acts so high and mighty just because she was born a little earlier than me, which is only slightly irritating.
Also, I don’t like how she puts on a façade of innocence outside.
According to what others say, apparently, this gorilla is beautiful, kind-hearted, and someone to look up to. But I just scoff at all of you and wonder what you’re all seeing.
Listen up. Cultivate a better sense of judgment. And see the true nature of things.
That’s just sheer arrogance.
I can’t help but think she underwent some sort of brainwashing 101 course somewhere. The people around her all seem to be brainwashed.
Ah, damn it! I grumbled profusely and told her to shut up. “It wouldn’t hurt to wake me up more gently,” was my response, and she answered with a, “Sure, sure. Your friend is waiting downstairs.”
At first, I didn’t catch what she meant. “Huh? Friend? I didn’t make plans with anyone today,” I’d said, and quite boldly to boot.
“Zip it. Don’t keep a girl waiting.”
That’s when I realized what kind of situation I was in. And then, once again, I got a swift kick to the stomach. I turned pale right after.
Upon hearing this word, a huge realization dawned on me.
But there’s no way. It can’t be that.
The agreement was for Sunday, the weekend, so that’s why I had planned to spend the whole Saturday preparing (especially those indescribable things that I can’t show to the ladies), and yet…
Wait, is this for real? Did she actually come? Why?
And from the flow of the conversation, it seems she’s already been invited into the living room downstairs… Seriously? Has an entire day gone by while I was sleeping? Is the punchline that I woke up on Sunday morning?
No way, that’s just not possible!
“Oh, come on. Get up already.”
And that’s how the lengthy exchange at the beginning started. Well, I definitely resisted with all my might.
After all, my room was a mess. Anyone with a soul who bore witness to the disaster would most likely laugh or hurl. To make matters worse, she was a girl and a popular one at that. Imagine that kind of person stepping into this room, a warzone that survived a whole tornado. If that happens, my school life from the next day onwards is bound to turn into a miserable abyss of torment.
“Hey, are you trying to ruin my life?” I glared.
“Oh? You mean killing something that’s already dead? Quite the philosophical conundrum, I must say.”
But then again, it’s that female gorilla. It’s impossible to resist her force. My desperate struggles are all in vain. With her beastly strength, which hid within her slender arms, she forcibly removed the covers and dragged me out of bed.
“Tyranny! There’s a despot in this house!” I exclaimed.
To which she retorted, “Throughout history, haven’t those below always served those above? I’m not some despot.”
She was your good ol’ older sister, found in any household throughout the land. Chuckling inappropriately, she proceeded to kick my a*s, causing me to tumble to the floor like a sack of potatoes.
While resisting this one-sided power difference, I contemplated how I ended up like this and what I should do.
Because, you see, I had planned everything out to avoid this kind of situation. Yes, on that evening, I had schemed and worked hard to make everything go smoothly.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, and those were the only thoughts that echoed endlessly within my mind as she grabbed me by the collar and threw me out of my room.
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