Chapter 44: Consultation
I ran to the nearest public restroom.
Because my head was spinning, my breathing was rising, and nausea was coming over me.
“Haa, haa ……”
When I got to the restroom and entered the private room, the nausea subsided a little. This seems like I can handle it.
….What are you doing, me…..
The moment I saw my mom sitting at the dining room table, I had a flashback to that day when my parents called me over. My dad and mom were sitting there, and I felt like they were looking at me.
…… I was scared. After that, I don’t remember what my mom and dad were talking about anymore. My head was spinning and I couldn’t even taste the food.
…… When I left my parents’ house, I said I would call them, but I don’t think I can even make that call……. I don’t know what I would say if I did.
I got out of the bathroom and washed my hands. My hands were shaking and incredibly cold, even though it was summer.
I looked in the mirror and saw myself with my hair in disarray and my face completely white. There was a face I rarely saw myself these days. As our eyes met, I felt myself blaming myself and quickly looked away.
…… I’d came out here to do my best. …….
I should go back to my parents’ house, even now–
A feeling came over me as if my head had been shaken, and I wobbled on my feet.
…… no good. This is bad. I’ve got to go back …… this is …… the only way to go back, …….
I heard a voice from somewhere asking me if I was going to run away again, but I couldn’t think of going back to my parents’ house anymore.
The first time I went to the airport, I was in the middle of the night, taking the train back to the station closest to my house while the voice of self-blame echoed in my head like a cancer.
…… I didn’t expect to come back here feeling like this. I thought I could get it right somewhere else. ……I really don’t know what I’m doing.
Despite feeling like crap, my physical condition is slowly getting better and I can already move my body and think like normal. This made me feel even worse.
I walked sluggishly and kept on walking, passing houses as I went. I hated the thought of going home and having nothing to do.
After walking for a while, it suddenly occurred to me that I was wasting my time.
Haa……. Let’s go back…….
I turned back and walked a little more and out of the corner of my eye I saw my usual coffee shop.
…… It’s better than going home, I guess,…….
With that in mind, I changed course and headed for the coffee shop.
When I open the door, it feels good to have a blast of cool air inside.
As I enter, Makoto looks at me.
“Welcome …… Oh? Shota-kun. I thought you weren’t closed today?”
Makoto-san says this with a slightly surprised look on his face. His voice sounded somewhat worried.
“ah …… yes. I came to …… have a cup of coffee today.”
“I see. Is the counter okay?”
I sat down at the counter and asked for an iced coffee. I usually drink hot coffee, but since it was hot outside and I was sweating, I decided to have iced coffee.
I was waiting for my iced coffee, and I felt my mind, which had been buzzing all day, calm down a little bit.
I knew I liked the atmosphere here …….
“Here you go, iced coffee.”
As I take a small sip of the iced coffee handed to me, the bitterness spreads and I feel my head clear.
…… It’s delicious.
“If you need any consulting or anything, I’m here to listen. Sometimes it’s easier if you talk about it.”
I suddenly remembered what Makoto said to me.
Consulting huh ……. I wonder if it will be easier if I talk …..Does it get easier, is it okay?
“Shota, what about coffee? The Iced coffee today.”
“Oh, it’s good.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Makoto laughed softly. I have rarely consulted an adult for advice before. I’ve never asked for advice from an adult before. …… but…….
“……I have a little something I want to talk to you about, is that okay?”
As if he had guessed, Makoto wiped the table he was working on with a rag, pulled out a chair, and sat down in front of me.
I get a little nervous, probably because I’m not used to doing this.
I took a deep breath, calmed myself down, and then spoke up.
“…… I was back at my parents’ place today.”
“Come to think of it, you live alone, right?”
“Yes. So,…… I’m not getting along with my family,…… very well. I had a little trouble when I was in junior high school,…… and since then, we have always been on different sides,……. I’ve been living alone because I didn’t want to stay at home,…… and I’ve been on the run,…… for a long time. …………So I went to my parents’ house today to try my best to face them. I was going to go talk to them about what I should have told them properly,…… but in the end, I ran away again. Instead, I just ……”
I don’t feel like I can step into that house anymore.
I usually run away, keep running away, and keep turning away, and I had to try …… just for today.
As I was talking, I felt so ashamed of myself that I burst into tears.
“…… I’m sorry.”
When I said this while wiping away my tears, Makoto-san looked at me with concern.
When I looked away and looked down, Makoto-san took a breath before starting to speak.
“…… I don’t know the whole story, so I can’t go into too much detail……. but I don’t think running away is such a bad thing,……. I think …… Shota-kun might be trying a little too hard.”
Most of what was said didn’t ring a bell.
Running away is …… sure, sometimes running away is better……. …… but I think today was not the time to run away.
As for trying hard,…… I think it’s more like not trying hard enough. The only things I’ve worked hard at recently are exams and today. And that today’s hard work …… stopped in the middle of the day.
“I don’t think that’s …… true.”
When I answered that, Makoto looked a little troubled.
“…… human beings have to take a break somewhere or they will break down. People are not made so strong that they can keep working hard even when they are exhausted. ……Shota-kun may think that he is not working too hard,……but to me you look like you are working too hard and you are exhausted.”
……I am tired, yes. Certainly, I’m more tired than I’ve ever been.
“If you are tired, you need to rest or you will break down. It’s never a bad thing to run away so it doesn’t happen. It’s okay to run away from problems that can’t be helped. There are things you may be able to see because you run away, and there are things you can run away from, and time will solve them. Sometimes the right thing to do is to keep running and running and running. You could say that this store was created after I ran away.”
If you don’t rest when you are tired, you will break down. I felt that these words were filled with power. Is it okay to run away? Is there nothing I can do about this problem?
“Anyway, you should take some rest. You can’t do what you normally do when you’re tired.”
After saying that, Makoto said, “Give me a second,” and went off to the customer’s account.
….As Makoto said, I feel a little more at ease after a light talk. I should rest a little, huh? Indeed, I was tired. I couldn’t do anything, but I was incredibly tired. ……He is right, ……. When I get home, I’ll rest a little. I’ll think about it afterwards. ……
6 comments »
atomicbladeNovember 3, 2022 at 12:15 am
Thanks for the chapter.
GattsNovember 3, 2022 at 5:12 am
Thank you for the chapter !
someloserweebNovember 3, 2022 at 7:23 am
Thank you for the chapter 👍
MiguelNovember 3, 2022 at 4:38 pm
thanks for the chapter!
SimakNovember 14, 2022 at 12:50 am
Runaway to fight another day. Don’t corner yourself. Thanks for the chapter.
JorgeMay 28, 2023 at 9:10 pm
Hace tiempo no leía un consejo en una historia que se saliera de la norma de lo políticamente correcto, como es hacerle frente a todo lo que esté adelante… El huir también es aceptables y válido en muchos casos; este protagonista me desagrada mucho, pero espero que se aleje de los que le hacen daño y siga su vida sin ellos, no importa las circunstancias o malos entendidos, aveces lo más importante es pensar solo en uno y su propio bienestar.