V3 Interlude: Murderer – Yuri Kokonoe

Translator: Soafp

---

[Yuri PoV]

–I killed my younger brother.

The room, without a lock, accepted me without any resistance as I turned the doorknob.

It felt as if it reflected my brother’s pure and untainted heart, beautiful and unblemished. This made me feel happy.

With utmost care to make no noise, I closed the door quietly.

In the late night, amidst the darkness, the only sound I could hear was the ticking of the second hand, marking the passage of time.

In the center of the large bed, my brother slept peacefully, appearing comfortable and content.

Even my mother, who usually sleeps clinging to him, seemed to have restrained herself for three consecutive days, as if she finally exercised some self-control.

I also want to sleep with him, but I have to restrain myself to two nights a week. As for my mother, she gets three nights. It’s too selfish. Somehow, it has become a five-day schedule without my realizing it, but even this child needs privacy.

After all, he is a boy. There must be things he wants to do alone. My mother is oblivious to that.

There’s a word for being spoiled, and the most spoiled child in our family is my mother. It’s beyond ridiculous. Is this what a mother is supposed to do? It’s truly pathetic.

There was a time when my mother was severely depressed, but now she’s become very lively. It’s all thanks to Yukito.

I couldn’t do anything. Absolutely nothing. I can only be grateful for easing my mother’s anxiety. However, I wish she would stop being so clingy with my brother because of that.

My mother behaves innocently, but I know it’s all calculated.

Is it shameful of me to think this way? I have to protect my brother from my mother’s sinister hands.

Perhaps because the basketball tournament is approaching, she has been going out often on weekends. I sometimes accompany her, but overall, there didn’t seem to be any issues.

Although there were some irregularities at school, things are generally heading in a positive direction. It’s different from when he was in elementary and middle school, constantly exposed to malice.

I might be worrying too much, but I want him to enjoy his high school life without any concerns. So I quietly sit on his bed, being careful not to wake him, and gently stroke his head.

“…Are you afraid of me, Yukito?”

Whispering such a question, I couldn’t gather the courage to ask for a direct answer.

Even though our relationship has improved a little, there are still lingering tensions.

My brother gives me gifts of any kind, but that is proof that he is afraid of me. He is trying to see if I am in a good mood, and acts as if he does not want to offend me. He is afraid that one day he will be betrayed again.

Just the other day, he gave me a piece of woodwork in my likeness. I treasure it and display it in my room, but I froze at the sight of its expression. The stern expression on its face is one of hostility. It was a glare, as if it was looking at something hostile.

In his eyes, I must appear that way. It’s not an exaggeration.

In fact, I usually have such an expression. Even my friends say I’m a cold-hearted girl.

I don’t even need to think about when it started. Yukito stopped smiling.

Surely, since then, I couldn’t smile either. It’s natural. How could I have a smiling face in front of my brother so carelessly? I can’t smile with such an ugly and tainted face.

My brother’s empty, inorganic room has been redecorated and transformed.

I know that Yukito doesn’t want it. It was just me and Mother’s selfishness pushing through. I couldn’t bear to watch anymore. Even so, he accepted it without saying a word.

Yukito possesses a greater kindness that I, being narrow-minded, lack.

I leaned forward and covered Yukito with my arms.

I slowly put my trembling hands on my brother’s neck as it were.

If I were to exert force like this, would Yukito reject me? Would he unleash his anger upon me, hating me so much that he would never forgive me?

An ugly and bittersweet desire that can never be fulfilled.

“I’m sorry for being your older sister… Taking things away from you without being able to give anything in return…”

If I were told to strip naked, I would do it right now. If I were told to peel off my nails, I would remove every single one. If I were told to press a hot iron against my body, I would gladly burn myself.

No matter how much punishment I seek, Yukito would surely accept me without resistance, just like this room without a key. But his forgiveness would rot me from within.

I search under the bed. I knew there was nothing there. Yes, nothing. What should have been there was absent. There is only a hollow void that consumes everything.

By his age, it’s natural to have an interest in sexual matters. It would be fine to have a few erotic books. Nowadays, even videos would be acceptable. But there is none of that.

When I try to entice him, he always shyly averts his gaze. He has normal interests, just a weak desire.

He is popular. If he can find someone and be happy with someone, that would be enough. It doesn’t matter who that person is, even if they are someone I despise. I will endure it if that person can make Yukito happy.

However, even those childhood friends must be struggling. No one can reach the depths of Yukito’s heart.

It is something deep rooted in Yukito’s heart that they can’t control.

I just want him to fall in love. That’s all.

What a sinful wish it is.

My chest tightens, and I calm my erratic breathing.

On that day, because I tried to kill my brother, he subconsciously fears women. He’s putting the brakes on deep within his heart. By chance, by luck, he survived when he was accidentally pushed off the playground equipment.

It’s just a matter of outcomes. I didn’t succeed in killing my brother, that’s all.

I foolishly rejoiced in my brother’s survival without realizing my own guilt.

It was I who denied the possibility of affection, who made it impossible to love.

I killed his love.

— That was the second murder.

No matter how much I approach him, Yukito doesn’t make a move. He won’t touch me. Everyone is waiting for it. And Yukito knows that too, yet his subconscious continues to avoid it.

It’s not about patience or having a strong mentality. It’s the inherent distrust and fear that sleep within Yukito.

If he allows himself to develop affection, he believes that it will eventually become a sharp blade that will kill him. He understands that it’s the law and common sense of this world.

My brother is intelligent, and he’s excellent. He is the opposite of dullness.

Yet he will never be involved with anyone.

I robbed him of the future where he could be with someone he loves and live a happy life.

I erased even the emotions of falling in love and loving someone with my own hands.

And thus, I commit another sin.

I rejected him, saying “I hate you,” and those words brutally killed his heart.

— That was the third murder.

I killed his body, his love, and even his heart.

Thrice. Three murders is enough to warrant the death penalty. I deserve to be on death row.

I spend my days awaiting the execution of the sentence my brother imposes. I am not punished enough.

Yet I also know that the punishment will never be imposed. The sheer wretchedness makes me want to vomit.

I tightly clench my fists. If my brother forgives me, I will never forgive myself.

Forever and ever, I will continue to hate myself.

Today as well, I am kept alive by my brother’s mercy. Therefore, I will dedicate everything of myself, my life, my heart, my body, all of it, and live for that purpose alone. Otherwise, it wouldn’t be fair.

But for my brother, such things are unnecessary. Even if someone like me, burdened with sins, were to receive everything from people, it wouldn’t even be compensation. Even if I hold the power of life and death, it holds no value. Still…

“I love you… I love you so much… I’m in love with you.”

I kissed him gently. Like a knight who swears allegiance, like an ancient witch who casts a curse.

To overturn that one “hate” just once, I whisper “love” hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of times.

My own emotions don’t matter. My feelings are irrelevant. I don’t need a future for myself.

What I, a murderer, can do, what I must do. Living solely for the happiness of this child, for my brother’s sake, that is the price I must pay.

I have no hesitation in breaking the taboo, in committing sacrilege. I am already a murderer who has touched taboos.

“But, I don’t want you to be pointed at with scorn…”

If there was a fourth murder, it would be killing this child socially.

This child brings happiness to those around them. There are always many people around, filled with smiles.

Even our mother, as if a weight had been lifted off her, has become calm. She smiles more often now.

It was this child who saved our mother when she was on the verge of despair, knowing the possibility of b****t cancer.

Warm. Just being by his side fills me with happiness.

Unlike me, who brings disaster. I can’t drag him down.

I am tormented by a great contradiction. I’m prepared to die for this child. I alone will pay the price.

To allow him to fall in love with women again, to not be afraid, I will interact with this child.

It’s fine if it’s one-sided. It’s fine for me to love him unilaterally. I don’t expect anything in return, not even a shred.

I have no qualification to receive affection from my brother. All a murderer needs is punishment.

I bring my face close to my brother’s chest. Strong heartbeat. His heart is beating.

“I’m glad… That you’re alive today too.”

Though I am an atheist, in this moment, I can’t help but thank God as always.

Confirming that my brother is alive has become a habit without me realizing.

Listening to the sound of his heart is my only solace.

Drowsiness gradually weighs down my eyelids. I doze off in my brother’s embrace.

For now, please let me have only this warmth—