I forgot to publish it. Sorry about that
I woke up, feeling like something was still bothering me. It’s not that I don’t like this life, and it’s not that I dislike anyone. There are only great elements, but something just doesn’t feel right.
I know the reason. I’m aware of it. But I decided not to do anything about it, and that’s my own choice, yet it doesn’t feel satisfying.
As I was pondering this, I headed to the living room. When I entered, the lights were on, and he was sitting on the sofa, playing a mobile game.
“It’s not good to be playing games at this hour. You should get some sleep…”
I carefully advised my junior about taking care of his health as a senior. I went over and sat down on the sofa next to him, partly because I got a bit interested in the game.
“Well, you’re a high school student, so I won’t force you. What game are you playing right now?”
“It’s a game where you battle monsters.”
“Oh, I see. Aoi-chan used to play something like that too.”
“Actually, I’m going to have a match the day after tomorrow.”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, so I thought I’d get a little ahead at this time. I figured if it’s a command-based training game, I might have a chance of winning against you.”
“Aoi-chan is too strong, so no one can beat her.”
This might be the first time we’ve had a conversation alone. It’s making me a bit nervous…
“Well, that’s why I want to win once here and look good. I want to hear someone say, ‘You did it.'”
Maybe Aoi-chan will be frustrated and challenge him again if she loses.
He stopped playing the game and put it on the table.
Didn’t he want to play the game? Is he going to sleep already?
“Why are you here, Moegi-senpai?”
“I couldn’t sleep… I thought I’d have a warm drink or something…”
“In that case, would you like to chat with me?”
“Yeah, that’s… I’m also wide awake… and it’s a good opportunity…”
“Please. Actually, recently, I’ve been thinking I’d like to get to know everyone again.”
What should I do!? If I suddenly say, “Let’s talk” what should I say…? But I’m curious! Does that mean… um, I’m included too, right?! Why would he want to know about me?! And he said it with a serious face!
I won’t let it show on my face, but I’m feeling a bit flustered. Calm down, Moegi. Um, prime numbers! Let’s count prime numbers.
0, 1, 2, 3… N-No, that’s wrong! 0 and 1 are not prime numbers!
“So, let’s talk…”
“Well, it’s a good opportunity, so how about we make it a quiz? What’s my favorite food?”
Well, to be honest, it’s a kids’ meal, but… there’s no way he’d know that… and I’m too embarrassed to say it.
“Is it a kids’ meal?”
First question?! How did he know?! Wait, did I mention it before?!
“I see… You got that right.”
“It’s just a hunch.”
“It’s not because you usually see me as childish, is it?”
“No, not at all. You usually have a mature vibe, which is really nice. But sometimes, having that feeling of not being able to go to the bathroom alone and the gap is also good!”
“Yeah… Do I need to hear that?”
I couldn’t go to the bathroom by myself for a while. But now I can go alone.
“Is there something you’d like me to change about myself?”
“Hmm… I don’t think so, really.”
“Don’t hesitate to tell me! Like if I’m looking at your legs too much or something!”
“You noticed that… But, it’s more like you’re considerate, and I don’t really mind.”
“Is that so…”
“On the contrary, is there something you’d like me to change?”
“No, there isn’t.”
“You answered that quickly.”
“Well, because there really isn’t. You can cook, you’re considerate, you do laundry, and you keep things organized. There’s nothing to complain about.”
Maybe it’s okay not to be so direct? It might be better if he sugarcoats things a bit.
After that, we had an ordinary conversation. It wasn’t anything special.
“Recently, I’ve been hooked on the video site ‘tobecontinued.'”
“I like that too.”
A mundane conversation.
“The reactions of the celebrities there… I think they’re the best!”
“They’re really entertaining!”
Truly ordinary and unremarkable conversation. He didn’t say anything incredibly interesting, and neither did I. But just making eye contact and exchanging words was so enjoyable, unbelievably enjoyable…
“Oh, it’s getting late. I should probably get some sleep.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I didn’t realize how much time had passed.”
We smiled and said goodnight. I wasn’t sure if I truly meant it. I wanted to say more…
Once that was over, I suddenly felt lonely, desperately lonely, and I couldn’t sleep right away. I knew how dear he was to me.
But he was the one everyone loved, the one I loved sleeping next to… I couldn’t bring myself to touch him, didn’t know if I could, and that just made me lonelier…
But if everyone is happy, then… then… then…
“I see… Thank you, Moegi-san.”
“Oh, it’s nothing…”
“The success of this project is all thanks to you.”
A woman stood in front of her desk at a certain company, and her boss, who seemed to be congratulating her, smiled with joy. The woman simply smiled back, then returned to her seat and resumed working on her computer.
“Moegi-san is amazing.”
“She’s talented and completely focused on her work.”
“She takes care of us newcomers too.”
“And she’s cute too. Although she’s a bit tall…”
The voices of her younger colleagues talking about her reached her ears. Both the male and female juniors were evaluating her. It wasn’t that she didn’t appreciate their admiration, but she never genuinely smiled.
Time passed, and the clock’s hands kept moving. She continued to type on her keyboard, check her juniors’ documents, and handle her work. The clock struck five, then six, and gradually, people started leaving the seats around her.
However, she just continued to work, and around 9 o’clock, she left the office. As she stepped outside, she noticed…
The decorations around her were all Christmas-themed, with large Santa Claus figurines, red stockings, and big toy sales. Many of the people passing by were exhausted from work, just like her. Were they all single like her?
She wondered as she walked home. She took the train, gazing at the accumulating snow outside. When she arrived at her nearest station.
She brushed off the snow that had lightly accumulated on her head. Then, she walked to her apartment.
Once she was inside, she opened a can of lemon sour, and the sound of carbonation filled the room. She sipped it, savoring the bitter sweetness. She warmed up a convenience store bento and sat down at the kotatsu, eating her meal alone. There was no particular TV program she wanted to watch, but she turned on the television anyway, letting the sound fill the room.
After finishing her meal and disposing of the containers, she thought…
“I’ve been doing the same thing all the time. Working, eating, sleeping… fulfilling the three basic human needs, but still feeling empty.”
On her smartphone’s screen, there was a certain memory. A daily life filled with everyday miracles. She realized that such a daily life would never happen again. Even if she wanted it, she couldn’t obtain it. That’s what she thought when her smartphone vibrated. Someone was calling her.
When she checked who it was… she smiled faintly.
“Yeah… um, are you okay at this hour?”
“I’m fine. What’s going on?”
“Well, you see, we… we’re thinking of living in a different world…”
“I see. What about it?”
“So, um… it’s going to be difficult to see Moegi…”
“I see. Don’t worry about it. In this world, polygamy isn’t allowed, after all.”
“Yeah, that’s true. So… um, I was wondering, would Moegi come with us? It would be better if you did, for all of us…”
“Haha! Don’t worry about it! It would get complicated if I joined, right?!”
The woman tried to sound considerate and put on a brave face, but it faltered slightly.
“…Everyone’s time would be reduced, too. And it might be a bit tough to reduce the newlyweds’ time together.”
The other person understood that as well.
“It’s okay! If you send me gifts once in a while, that’s enough!”
“Yeah… I understand…”
“Well then, see you later. Be happy!”
Tears began to flow from the woman’s eyes. She had regrets.
“Why didn’t I … why didn’t I tell him I liked him?”
“Why couldn’t I say I liked him back then?”
“Why did I hold back? I liked him so much, even more than anyone else…”
“I want to go with them too… I want him to take me, hold my hand, hug me, whisper love to me, stroke my head, have silly conversations and laugh together, argue, and make up…”
“I’m cold, please warm me up…”
She simply cried alone. Surely, her future would be filled with loneliness, regrets, and longing for his love.
As the snow continued to pile up, sadness accumulated in her heart.
I woke up. My body was covered in sweat, and tears were flowing from my eyes. I realized that I had been crying in my sleep.
Beside me, Aoi-chan, Kohaku-chan, and Karen-chan were sleeping. It was a terrible dream. It could even be described as the worst possible outcome that could happen to me.
But surely, such days would come someday. That kind of sadness might befall me. I’m sure of it. If the dream was so painful, reality would be even more agonizing. In reality, that prolonged loneliness would continue. I wouldn’t be able to endure it. I would cry over and over again.
But I would probably choose that path. I would end up choosing it. When I thought that, tears welled up uncontrollably, overflowing, and not stopping.
I couldn’t wake everyone up, so I suppressed my voice and let my tears flow quietly. I cried so much that I felt like I had run out of tears.