Chapter 7: What form did it have?

Translator: Soafp

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Two years had passed since I graduated from a university far from my home town and got a job here. Although I was still distrustful of people, I maintained a thin relationship with them and lived reasonably well.

I even got a girlfriend.

The people I dated were all good people. A girl at my part-time job, a senior at the same university. I was introduced to them. They told me they liked me. At first, I didn’t even let my feelings for them go, but they told me how they felt about me.

I liked each of them as a person. Since I only knew Narimiya, I did not know if this was love or not. But I thought it was love, so I went out with them.

I even tried to be physical with them. Perhaps I wanted to know where this feeling went. But I always couldn’t finish it.

I always remember the summer of the first year of junior high school.

When I saw the scene of my mother’s affair. I couldn’t get an er*ction when I remembered that scene. It was something I couldn’t tell anyone.

After seeing Narimiya and my best friend in those acts, I couldn’t say I liked her, not even in a flippant way.

Maybe it was because I couldn’t express anything definitive in words or with my body. Everyone moved away. I felt sadness. But I didn’t hold on to them or cling to them.

I kept repeating such partings.

I no longer knew what love and affection were.

All I knew was that every time we parted, there was a terrible part of me that was relieved and patted my chest.

And every time I do, I remember that day.

I wonder what form the love that my mother spoke of, the love that Narimiya had in mind, had taken.

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One day, I received a call from a relative.

When I graduated from college, I had given them my contact information through my father because I wanted to congratulate him on his employment and also because I had to thank him.

I was told that my father had fallen ill.

I immediately informed my supervisor, took the day off, and went home hard. I took a cab from the local station to the hospital, which was the general hospital where Narimiya and I were born.

“Toki, this way!”

“Narimiya-san, it’s been a while.”

“Y-yeah….. it’s been a long time. We’ll talk about the reunion later, Seiji is over here.”

“…Thank you very much”

He was not a relative, but uncle Narimiya. Akira Narimiya. He and my father had known each other since I was a little boy, and he had loved me as if I were his own son.

The last time I saw him was on the morning of my high school graduation.

He seemed a little surprised that I did not call him “uncle”. His flustered look made me calm down a little myself.

I followed him with a dazed head, perhaps tired from the trip.

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Dad had a lung problem.

There was no effective medicine or surgery, and the doctor said that a lung transplant was the only option. But even if he opted for a transplant, there were only five successful transplants in Japan, and the cost of a transplant was enormous.

All I knew was that my father would spend the next few years slowly dying.

In the hospital room, my father laughed cheerfully and told me that he was fine the way he was.

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