Chapter 5: Heart. Right, it was the heart.
I thought college life would be more fun.
Since Toki-kun disappeared from the neighborhood, I have not been able to have fun in anything I do. I tried to participate in the college life I had envisioned, circle activities, and even going on blind dates, but nothing was fun.
I stopped getting involved with Kurosaki after the high school graduation ceremony. He followed me around, but I ignored all his advances.
He also spread bad gossip about me and Toki-kun. It was the truth and I had no choice.
I even tried going out with a guy I didn’t like just because he confessed his feelings for me. Every time he hugged me, I felt a hole opening in my heart. In the end, we broke up. Each time, my feelings for Toki-kun grew.
“Toki-kun…I want to see you.”
Of course, I am not the kind of person who can say such a thing.
But I do want to see him.
In the summer of my second year of high school, I was depressed because Toki-kun had rejected me the day before.
I thought I would be even more depressed if I stayed home, so I went shopping and happened to meet Kurosaki.
Seeing me depressed, Kurosaki invited me to a cafe. I usually didn’t talk about anything involving sexual matters, but I found myself complaining that day.
I had lost confidence in myself after Toki-kun rejected me.
After that, the day after I got rejected was the day I complained to Kurosaki. Is that why? I was invited to try it out and slept with Kurosaki.
I was getting more and more into it.
I had no idea that I had such shallow animalistic desires inside me.
On the outside, I was being satisfied by Toki-kun, but on the inside, Kurosaki was holding me.
This continued until White Day near graduation.
Last year’s White Day was marshmallows. I knew what they meant, but Toki-kun would never look up such things, so I thought he probably gave them to me because they looked delicious, and I ate them happily.
But this year’s White Day was a handkerchief. Toki-kun probably has no idea what it means, but I got really scared and declared to Kurosaki that I would not do it again.
My college life was about to begin. I was going to devote myself to Toki-kun, that’s what I thought.
Until that day at the graduation ceremony.
The meaning of White Day was no mistake at all.
“I guess our hearts didn’t communicate huh…”
What did I want to do? I always thought I would be with Toki-kun. From the winter of our sophomore year in high school…Toki-kun had always known.
If only he had told me then…no, Toki-kun was concerned about Seiji. And maybe even me. Because Narimiya’s family is strong around here. He held out for a long time for the path that would not cause the most angles.
I fell in love with Toki-kun who could sacrifice himself for others.
And yet, what a stupid thing I had done.
I hadn’t really thought about why Toki-kun was rejecting me. I knew about his trauma, but I didn’t think about it properly.
Every time he rejected me, I felt depressed because he didn’t like me that much.
I see. I was burying the heart of Toki-kun’s rejection using Kurosaki.
………That’s just an excuse.
The spring break before I moved up to the second year of high school. I look at a photo of the two of us at the zoo.
“The two of us looking happy……”
The way Toki-kun looked at me and smiled was just as I remembered it from the past.
I compared it with the picture of the festival in my senior year of high school.
“Why, he really loved me!”
Looking back, I think at one point I saw his face contort a little when I crossed my arms. When I mispronounced his name, I had a reassuring smile on my face… that was Valentine’s Day of my sophomore year in high school…..
I didn’t see anything. I didn’t even try to look properly. I was an idiot. A really big fool. ……
Heart. Right, it was the heart.
I knew I couldn’t hold him with a broken heart… because it would be bad for me…
And yet I have done it someone else, and made his trauma even worse.
I can’t believe I realize that now…
Tears drop onto Toki-kun’s phone in my hand.
The proof of my sin still remained on it.
14 comments »
SkarkioDecember 22, 2022 at 1:53 am
Marshmallows in white day means “I dislike/hate you”, but what a handkerchief in white day means?
SoafpDecember 22, 2022 at 2:06 am
I think giving up
sense-sanJanuary 17, 2023 at 4:15 am
It means Farewell/Goodbye or Let’s Break Up.
Based on this article which is reasonable enough
SkarkioJanuary 24, 2023 at 3:47 am
Stoltz EnjoyerDecember 22, 2022 at 5:08 am
Thanks for the chapter..
Seriously, the h0e belongs to the street.. this perhaps bit exaggerated, but her family should disown her..
Ayodeji AyindeDecember 22, 2022 at 5:10 am
Hankercheif means giving up
Stoltz EnjoyerDecember 22, 2022 at 5:12 am
And for the cheating partner, I hope his groin rot
Vorn AwakeningDecember 23, 2022 at 1:28 am
Fonte da novel?
OmnefariousDecember 23, 2022 at 11:58 pm
Aw, poor little thot.
Hey Skynet, er Alexa, play ‘Apologize’ by One Republic!
TianDecember 24, 2022 at 8:31 am
I don’t know why characters in these types of stories are so stupid. it’s like they’re all about true love / having eyes only for their partner. yet, at the same time, they don’t even hesitate to cheat on them continuously. they never stop for a second and think “this is a mistake”. and when they get caught, it’s only then that they realize they did a bad thing. what’s worse is they don’t even like the person they were cheating with. so then what was the point of it all? they lost their one true love for nothing.
AmplifityDecember 24, 2022 at 4:23 pm
Oh boohoo little b***h, go cry us a river you f*****g w***e.
AmplifityDecember 24, 2022 at 4:30 pm
Can i get a link for the raws? i cant find it.
AmplifityDecember 24, 2022 at 4:31 pm
Oh nevermind im blind sorry i didnt see it lol
VillagerAJanuary 9, 2023 at 4:01 pm
Boohoo. Hindsight is 20/20