With the goal of finding the answer during the summer vacation, I first came to Himari’s house.
As I said before, my house and Himari’s house are located very close to each other, so I could go there immediately.
I arrived in front of Himari’s house with the hot sunlight burning my skin.
Then I knock on the door and wait for the answer from inside.
After a few seconds, the door was opened from inside.
There was Himari’s mother.
“Yes. It’s Yusei, isn’t it! It’s been a long time!”
That is the name of Himari’s mother.
“Is Himari here right now?”
I asked Kasumi.
“Sorry, Himari is out with her friends right now.”
Kasumi said apologetically.
“I see. Well, I’ll visit again another day.”
I said and turned to leave.
I was in no hurry.
That is what I was thinking.
“If you want, you can wait inside until Himari comes back.”
Kasumi said to me.
“No, no, don’t worry about it.”
It would be bad to force me to stay, so I said so, but…
“It’s fine, okay?”
I was let into the room half forcefully.
Then I was taken to Himari’s room.
I wonder how many years it has been since I have been to Himari’s house.
When I was little, we used to go back and forth to each other’s houses.
However, as I got older, I guess I became more and more reluctant to go to her house, and it has become rare for me to do so.
Well, it is inevitable for a man and a woman of their age to do so.
I was shown to Himari’s room and Kasumi-san brought me something to drink.
” Sorry and thank you very much.”
Kasumi-san gave me the drink and went out of the room and sat down in front of me.
I wondered what was going on.
Maybe my questioning was showing on my face, but Kasumi-san opened her mouth.
“You know, lately, Himari, she has been in low spirits. As you know well, Himari is a very energetic girl who doesn’t get depressed very often.”
I know her very well.
I’ve been with her since she was a little girl.
“What’s wrong? I asked, but she stubbornly refused to answer. I was worried about it and asked her persistently. Then Himari cried and told me that Yusei hated her.”
Kasumi looked a little sad.
I had the same pain in my chest that I had felt that day.
There was nothing I could say.
With a serious expression on her face, Kasumi said my name.
“I don’t know what happened between you and Himari, but I don’t want you to hate her, my daughter.”
The fact that she went out of her way to refer to Himari as her daughter suggests that she was asking for the favor from a mother’s perspective.
“…….Actually, I came here today to talk with Himari about it.”
It may be a little different from the purpose, but it is almost the same.
“I see, I’m sorry. A parent interfered in the matter.”
Kasumi said apologetically.
“No, no, thank you for telling me.”
After saying that, Kasumi left the room.
I wonder why Himari was crying.
No, that’s not it.
The truth is, I should know.
No more pretending to be unaware of it as you have been doing.
As Kasumi said, the cause is me.
I always thought I was the one being hurt.
But maybe, no, definitely I was hurting people too.
Why didn’t I accept it?
No, why couldn’t I?
It was the same with Mifuyu.
I didn’t want to have ideals forced on me.
I still don’t like it.
But Mifuyu didn’t just let her mistakes slide, she thought hard and approached me.
What did I say to her?
I don’t need a sister.
Why did I say that?
No, did I say it?
Even Shiraki told me that she had feelings for me.
To that I said I couldn’t believe it.
Even now, I still can’t believe Shiraki.
But she could have told me without hurting me like that, right?
Maybe, or maybe, she was worried about me and told me about it.
I said something to her that completely negated her existence.
These are the questions that keep running through my mind.
At that moment, the door to the room opens and a familiar face appears.
“Haa, so hot…”
My eyes met with those of Himari who had entered the room.
“….Eh!? Why is Yusei here?!
Huh, Kasumi-san didn’t tell her that I’m here, I see.
“Sorry. Forgive me for intruding.”
Himari was left slightly surprised.
“N-no?! I-It’s all right?”
For some reason, she looked extremely upset.
“Y-Yusei, you didn’t go through my room without my permission, did you?”
I would never do such a rude thing.
“Do not worry. I didn’t touch anything.”
Glad to hear that, Himari sat in front of me.
“So Yusei, what’s wrong?”
Now, let’s get down to business.
Where to start?
She, who was suspicious of my silence, gave me a doubtful look.
“Himari. That time, the day we went home together. Himari apologized to me, right?”
She affirmed the question while tilting her head as if she did not understand the intention of the question.
“I was happy then. But after a little time, another emotion came up. It was the feeling of not being able to forgive Himari.”
Himari let out a bewildered voice.
“Now you’re just going to let her get away with that kind of talk? I had that feeling in the corner of my mind.”
“Right, makes me wonder if I’m being too gnarly now.”
Haha, laughs Himari , as if mocking herself.
There were faint tears in her eyes.
“But I want to forgive Himari. No, that’s not it. I do not want to forgive you. I just want to get back to the relationship we had before, where we’re not just looking out for each other, but where we’re childhood friends who we can be comfortable with.”
I told her how I really felt.
I told her my true intention, which was different from the last time I told her.
Himari came close to me with tears streaming down her face.
I called out to her, but Himari came closer to me.
And then she hugged me.
“Yes, yes. I want to go back too.”
Himari says this to me with tears and sobs.
“I’m sorry. Himari, I didn’t think about the people around me at all. I’ve only been thinking about myself.”
The words came out of my mouth surprisingly easily.
Usually it’s about time for that guy inside me to come out, but for some reason he didn’t today.
“Me, too, I was only thinking about myself. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Please don’t apologize so much.
It’s my fault for not listening to you.
What is it?
Why do I suddenly feel like it’s my fault?
What’s the reason?
That guy inside me hasn’t come out since I started feeling bad.
What does that have to do with anything?
I don’t know.
I don’t know, but I am really happy from the bottom of my heart that I could make up with Himari now.
It is a secret that I shed a few tears while being hugged by Himari.
The real me has not been found yet.
Even I don’t know who I am yet.
But still, I felt that I could move forward a little by understanding myself with Himari.
Every little bit helps.
It is important to move forward.
Until now, I have been going backward.
If I had gone on like that, I might have become unrecoverable, or I might have done something irreversible.
“Himari, let’s start from scratch again”
I said to Himari.
I was at a loss for a response because I thought he would agree with me.
Seeing me like that, Himari laughed.
“Because, if we start from scratch, I’ll lose the current Yusei,”
Aah, in the end, I wonder why I hurt my childhood friend like this.
I regretted a little, but was saved by Himari’s words.
“I told you. I love both the old and the new Yusei. So let’s start from here, not from zero!”
We can start from here.
It’s not only Himari.
I can start here with the people with whom I had an uncomfortable relationship.