“I never want to see your faces again! Get lost!”
I couldn’t think of anything else to say after Yusei said that to me.
“He hates me.”
I muttered to myself with a self-deprecating smile.
The rooftop is a great place to come alone, after all.
No one has to see my pathetic appearance.
What should I do now?
I still can’t give up on Yusei.
But if I impose my own selfish ideas on him again, I will only cause him to suffer.
Think about it.
Why was Yusei suffering?
“Everyone is blaming me!”
Everyone, including me, didn’t want to look at Yusei’s inner self.
But instead looked at his usual gentle self and talked about him as if we knew him.
“I just wanted him to go back to his normal self…”
These were not the words that Yusei wanted me to say to him.
I unknowingly pushed him into a corner.
That would not have helped Yusei much.
I was unspeakably angry at myself for doing this without even knowing it.
I regret what I had done to Yusei.
More than ever before.
I do not want to regret it anymore.
I don’t care if he hates me, I don’t care if we can’t get back to our original relationship.
Because I really love Yusei.
Even though I made up my mind to do so.
Recently, Yusei has been spending a lot of time with a classmate, Seo-san.
He looked so happy when he was with her.
I felt a bad pain in my chest.
I was really selfish, but I was jealous of Seo-san.
I really can’t help myself…
Yusei seems to be very happy when he is with Seo, and maybe I should just give up on him.
Maybe that would save Yusei from feeling bad.
But even so, I could not give up.
My feelings that had been building up since my childhood could no longer be stopped.
I had no choice but to go forward with a “hit and burn” spirit.
Looking back, I realize that Yusei did not have that kind of personality when he was in elementary school.
He was innocent and exposed himself.
How long has that been the case?
It was as if he closed himself off…..
Then I realized something terrible.
Was it my fault?
When I was in elementary school, I was harassed once by someone who hid my shoes.
But that was really the only time, and nothing like that ever happened again.
That was it.
That’s when Yusei’s personality changed.
His usual naivete was gone, and his manner became softer.
His tone of voice changed, and his first name also changed from “I [Ore]” to “I [Boku]”.
At the time, I did not care deeply about it, but what if I was the reason for the change in Yusei’s character?
I did not hear the real reason from him, but it was the only thing I could think of now.
I was the one who had pushed him the hardest.
That fact weighed heavily on my shoulders.
What should I do about it?
I let it slip out of my mouth without asking anyone.
I was not asking anyone, but I was alone in my mouth.
Then, it would be better to change it now.
How I wish I could have thought that.
In fact, I am not that mentally strong.
Even so, I could not give up on Yusei.
The naive, innocent him when he was little, the slightly more mature and flexible him, the him who despaired of everything and revealed his true feelings.
I realized that I loved everything about him.
I don’t care how much he abuses me. I don’t care how much he scorns me.
I can say with all my heart that I still love him.
So, it’s all right.
On my way home, I approached someone.
This is where I asked him about his true feelings.
Still, I am different now than I was then.