I like sweet things.
I especially like cotton candy.
Just because I like it doesn’t mean I eat it every day. That’s why I eat it only a few times a year, like at festivals.
I like sweet things. It makes me happy.
Whenever I have a bad day, I always escape into something sweet. And then, I change my mind.
But I like sweets, not sugar, which is the source of sweetness.
The source of sweetness is sugar. There is no doubt about that. But that doesn’t mean I lick sugar.
The bare sweetness is too strong to accept.
Through a necessary process, sweetness becomes acceptable to people.
I had not gone through that process at that time.
I just blamed, I just put him down, I just didn’t forgive him.
I did not even listen to his explanation, but just made a judgment.
In fact, I was angry. I was really angry at my brother for doing something wrong.
That can no longer be called denunciation. It was just one-sided violence.
But I still believed that one day things would be restored to normal.
But by the time I realized that, my brother had already stopped going to school.
I thought at the time that he was just messing around and that he deserved what he got.
He would recover someday, despite the fact that he was the one who had knocked them down to the bottom.
But my brother never recovered. On the contrary, he quickly grew apart from our family.
The number one cause was my mother’s attitude. It was obvious that she didn’t want my brother around.
Finally, my brother left home.
I stopped him. My mother didn’t stop him, but I knew that if I didn’t stop him here, I would lose him.
I asked him why he was leaving.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
For me, it was the decisive word.
The irreversible situation had long passed.
By the time I had not listened to him, it was already too late.
I was now aware of my own guilt for causing such a situation.
And then, my brother was left alone.
Even after he left home, I went to see him several times.
I was afraid that we would lose our connection completely.
My brother was a kind man. I loved him.
I hurt such an important person.
I love cotton candy because my brother loved cotton candy.
We shared one stick of cotton candy together. That is how we grew up.
I want to bring those days back.
So I decided to put a plan into action.
I know it will be a nuisance, but I will do it nonetheless.
With eyes full of determination, I confided this to my mother.
“—-I want to live with Onii-chan again.”