Interlude Chapter 4 | Mistake
And I was embraced by Kouki.
What am I doing? Why am I being hugged by a man who is not Yuuri? I kept apologizing to Yuuri in my mind while he was holding me.
And while Kouki was holding me, I was remembering many memories of Yuuri.
The day I confessed my feelings to Yuuri, kissing Yuuri for the first time, having sex with him, studying for the entrance exam while encouraging each other, hugging each other after we both passed the exam at the venue where the results were announced, and Yuuri’s smile today.
My stomach starts to churn and my mind goes blank when I think about Yuuri while having sex with someone who is not Yuuri.
(Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri, Yuuri……)
The more I thought about Yuuri in my head, the more sensitive my body became.
(No. I am only Yuuri’s. I belong only to Yuuri.)
I kept thinking about Yuuri desperately.
However, every time I thought about Yuuri, the pleasure came in proportion to it.
(Oh, God, I can’t take it anymore……)
And my head melted away in the bright white light.
The next day Yuuri and I headed to school as usual.
I felt so sorry for Yuuri that I couldn’t look at him properly.
“Hazuki, are you feeling down today?”
Yuuri is still amazing.
Even though I couldn’t shake off my guilt, he immediately recognized the change in my attitude as I tried to maintain a normal mind.
But even Yuuri would never have guessed that I had sex with his best friend Kouki yesterday. I really want to tell Yuuri everything. I want to tell him everything and apologize to him.
“No, it’s nothing. It’s nothing. Thank you for always caring about me, Yuuri.”
I didn’t have the courage to tell Yuuri the truth, so I told a lie and hid it from him for the first time.
On the day of the graduation ceremony.
Since then, Kouki and I have not had sex, nor have the two of us met even once.
After the graduation ceremony, Kouki called Yuuri and told her that he was moving out upon graduation. Yuuri said, “Why? You should have told me earlier!” but all Koki could say was, “I’m sorry it was so sudden.”
I just watched the scene with a blank expression on my face.
When I went to high school, new friends and communities were formed, and I found myself not remembering Kouki unless he was mentioned. Even when I, Yuuri, and Kanade were playing together, no one brought up the topic of Kouki.
Those days ended before the summer vacation of my junior year of high school.
Yuuri said to me, “You remember Kouki, right? He’s going to come back soon.”
I felt my heart skip a beat. Why? I had forgotten about him, so why would he come back? I had done what I did because I never wanted to see him again, but if he came back, my heart would be crushed by the guilt I felt toward Yuuri again.
However, I tried not to let Yuuri see through the turmoil in my heart and said. “I see. I’m looking forward to seeing him again after such a long time.”
When I got home and went into my room, I didn’t even take a bath and lay on my bed.
(I didn’t think Kouki would ever come home…)
I remembered that time and felt sorry for Yuuri again. For me, that act at that time was nothing but a nightmare. In fact, since that time, I have frequently dreamt that Yuuri found out and dumped me.
(Even though I don’t see it so much these days…)
I felt so bad for Yuuri that I naturally burst into tears.
For a while, I was buried in the bed, almost crushed by the guilt I felt for Yuuri when the screen of my phone lit up.
It was a message from Yuuri, so I quickly opened my phone and saw that it said, “Kouki is coming back next time, so let’s invite Kanade and have fun together for the first time in a while.”
I don’t want to. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to betray Yuuri. But if I refuse here, Yuuri might get suspicious of me.
So I shook off my rejection and said, “Yeah, okay. I look forward to the day we can meet,” Even though I didn’t want to see him. I lied to Yuuri again. I did not know. That once you tell a lie, you have to pile another lie on top of that lie to cover it up.
“Yu…… ugh…… Yuuri…… sorry, sorry…… “