Chapter 16 | People I’m Fine With

The incident with the student council president had me scratching my head.

What was really wrong with me?

I was aware of it, but I didn’t think the symptoms would be that bad… I didn’t expect it to affect my daily conversation…

My parents came home late again today.

So, as usual, I’m having dinner alone with Nee-chan. Today’s menu is my Nee-chan’s homemade ramen noodles with lots of bean sprouts.

I don’t want to complain about the food that someone else made, but there are a lot of bean sprouts in it.

As I was struggling to deal with too many bean sprouts, Nee-chan was looking at me as if she wanted to say something… Perhaps she is enjoying watching Sama struggle with the bean sprouts, I’m going to kill her.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing… then why were you staring at Mai earlier?”

“Because something was bothering me.”

Hearing these words, Yuka shook her head with a difficult look on her face. 

“You don’t usually say that to others… there’s definitely something going on with you…”

“Well, maybe.”

I told her that it was the same as usual, but she noticed something strange after just that one exchange… I guess because we’ve been together for so many years… she can tell? Airi didn’t understand anything, but…

I changed my way of thinking, just as my Nee-chan guessed.

I stopped believing in women. I decided to be suspicious of them. Because they are scary, I don’t know what they are thinking, and they will try to harm me if they have the chance.

But I don’t tell my Nee-chan that.

She’ll question my sanity, and she won’t understand me anyway.

─Yuuji was eating the bean sprouts with great effort.

When he had reduced the bean sprout ramen by about half, he noticed something strange and stopped his chopsticks.

(Why is that? How come he can talk to his Nee-chan without a care in the world?)

I don’t feel the same kind of dreadfulness as the old lady or the schoolgirl I saw at the crosswalk. I can have a conversation with her as usual. Even the student council president got distressed in the middle of talking to me…

Mom, Airi, Youka, Sis…

Out of the four people I had allowed into my heart, three of them hurt me.

Then, in that order, it would be Nee-chan’s turn. There is no reason why only Nee-chan would not betray me when the other three betrayed me.

That’s what I’m thinking.

And yet, even with such wariness, no rejection appeared toward my Nee-chan.

I was willing to accept it as usual, even though I could have distrusted the event that I was forced to eat the harassing ramen with bean sprouts. And I wish you had not accepted it, me.

………

From those doubts, this time Yuuji stares at Yuka.

Yuka, who was being watched closely, lifted her feet off the ground and flapped them around to hide her embarrassment.

“Hey, what are you looking at…”

“Hey, Nee-chan.”

“W, What?”

“Can I hold your hand for a second?”

“Huh? You… you’re disgusting! What is it all of a sudden? I seriously don’t get it.”

“Sure, I’m disgusting.”

You are so right, I can’t even argue with you.

…I just wanted to make sure that it was okay to touch Nee-chan, who is a woman and can have a normal conversation…that really slipped my mind.

Maybe I’ve been having a bit of a bad day and I’ve been going crazy.

Maybe I should go to a psychiatric hospital tomorrow to see if they can help me. …but I’m afraid if I go there now, I’ll get caught up in something out of the ordinary.

“Oh, it’s okay if you don’t want to.”

I started eating my ramen.

Let’s pretend we didn’t just talk about this.

Besides, the noodles would get too mushy if I didn’t eat them. I was afraid that if I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t be able to finish the ramen.

“…No, why are you starting to eat?”

“Huh? Is it okay to leave it!?”

“Huh? Why are you making a face like you’re happy to be able to eat your Nee-chan’s loving bean sprouts and tonkotsu ramen special? No, eat it all, okay? Drink the soup too.”

“No, I’d get fat if I drank all the soup…”

“Well, that’s right…”

“………?”

What has this woman been fidgeting about since a while ago?

─When Yuuji looked at his Nee-chan with a doubtful gaze, Yuka turned her head the day after tomorrow and slowly held out her right hand to Yuuji. Her face was red to the ears and her shoulders were shaking from embarrassment.

“Well, no one’s saying it’s no good… it’s fine, it’s okay… just hold my hand…”

“Oh… oh…”

Yeah…it’s over with me…what’s up Nee-chan…you’re really scary now.

Well, now that she’s given me permission… let’s get to it… are you sure you’re okay? You’re not going to crush my hand, are you?

I held my sister’s hand fearfully.

If it had been a woman other than my Nee-chan, it would have been impossible for me to go and touch her…

I really wanted to just touch it, but since it was a good opportunity, I decided to go ahead and try different ways of gripping it.

I had permission to do so, so I figured it would be okay.

“Oh, you…don’t rub…it’s tickling…so stop…you idiot…”

Yuka was complaining but did not push Yuuji away, she was holding her mouth and desperately stifling her voice.

“Ummm… Nee-chan is normal…”

“Hey, what’s normal after you’ve been stroking me so much? Aah!”

“I’m sorry. It’s just… things happened…”

“Hmmm…”

“……”

Yuuji keeps his mouth shut. He does not dare to confide in her.

He was so disgusted with women that he couldn’t trust them anymore, and it wasn’t easy for him to say so.

“Well, if you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. If you feel like it, you can talk to me about it, okay? We’re family, and I’ll help you if you need it.”

“Nee-chan…”

She patted me roughly on the head with her free hand.

I thought she was going to crack my skull open with that hand, but today she’s being strangely gentle.

She stroked my head and reminded me of when I was just a small child… back then, she stroked me every day, come to think of it…

“Nee-chan… thank you for everything.”

“Hmm? Ah, ah… well… you’re welcome.”

Her embarrassment reaching its limit, Yuka removed her hands from Yuuji’s palms and head and began munching on the ramen she had made herself with a mazy smile.

─If my Nee-chan betrays me, it will really be the end.

This is not a hunch, this is a certainty.

If that happens, I won’t be able to trust women forever.

So, please, let me believe you.

“Speaking of which, there’s some pudding in the fridge that you can have after you finish your ramen.”

“You’ve already eaten it, haven’t you?”

“I’m not going to eat it. I won’t eat it… you still hold a grudge against me?”

“Yeah, I’m so rooted in it, I haven’t forgotten about it even for a day!”

“Wow, you’re so miserable… I’m worried about you.”

“Thank you for worrying about me.”

“You’re emotionally unstable.”

Yeah, I trust Nee-chan, but I don’t trust her in pudding-related matters.

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